Another Think Coming

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REBEL GIRL STILL languishes deep in the kingdom of winter headcolds and so, instead of offering her own cogent observations about the state of our little college in the orange groves, she will instead quote from Jane's Smiley's novel Moo, first published in 1995 and read by Rebel Girl shortly thereafter. Reb remembers liking the book well enough then, but her revisit to its pages this weekend left her laughing and reading aloud certain passages to those friends and relations who visited her sickroom.

For those who don't know, Moo is in the tradition of academic satires, those books that send up the ivory tower (Hey! Where's our ivory tower?) and provide comfort to ailing professors of English and their comrades everywhere.

From Moo, chapter 4: The Common Wisdom:

It was well known among citizens of the state that the university had pots of money and that there were highly paid faculty members in every department who had once taught Marxism and now taught something called deconstruction which was only Marxism gone underground in preparation for emergence at a time of national weakness.

It was well known among the legislators that the faculty as a whole was determined to undermine the moral and commercial well-being of the state, and that supporting a large and famous university with state monies was exactly analogous to raising a nest of vipers in your own bed.

It was well known among faculty that the governor and the state legislature had lost interest in education some twenty years before and it was only a matter of time before all classes would be taught as lectures, all exams given as computer-graded multiple choice, all subscriptions to professional journals at the library stopped, and all research time given up to committee work and administrative red tape. All the best faculty were known to be looking for other jobs, and this was known to be a matter of indifference to the state board of governors.

It was known to the secretaries in every office and every department that the faculty and administrators could, in fact, run the Xerox and even the ditto machines. They were just too lazy to do so.

It was well known among the janitorial staff that if you wanted to maintain your belief in human nature, it was better never, ever to look, even by chance into any wastebasket, but to adopt a technique of lifting and twisting the garbage beg in one motion and tossing it without even remarking to yourself that it was unusual in weight or bulk or odor.

It was well known among the students that the dormitories, like the airlines, were always overbooked, and that temporary quarters in corridors and common rooms happened by design rather than accident. It was also well known to the students that there had been three axe murders on campus the year before, that the victims' names had started with "A" or "M" and that the murderer had never been found, and that the university would do anything to hush these crimes up….

It was well known to all members of the campus population that other, unnamed groups reaped unimagined monetary advantages in comparison of one's own group, and that if funds were distributed fairly, according to real merit for once, some people would have another think coming…

More to follow, perhaps. Now to sleep, perchance to dream.

"I have a lot of stuff going on," he said.

*
• TINY SKULLS AND BONES. From this morning’s OC Reg: Visiting the Tustin hangars:

The first hangar I went into was the base's south hangar. It was empty, dark and very quiet. The floor was littered with tiny skulls and bones that, from what I assumed, were from raptors that once perched high above. Doorways were covered with cobwebs. Paint was peeling off the walls. Signs of the Marines' tenancy was apparent everywhere.

The north hangar was my next stop. Inside, to my surprise, was the Goodyear blimp. It seemed dwarfed sitting on the floor of the enormous hangar. This hangar appeared in more usable shape, and movies and commercials had been shot in it over the years.

• HUSH-HUSH. A commentary in this morning’s OC Reg: [Orange] Diocese continues its evasions:

…I'm left with the sinking feeling one gets whenever there is a miscarriage of justice. Most of those priests and teachers who committed abuse have paid no penalty for it. Many of the same church leaders who protected the abusers and stonewalled the public are still in influential positions within the diocese. The D.A.'s office has far more excuses than convictions. And the diocese is still fighting to keep matters quiet, apparently having kept secret several alleged abuse cases even as it was championing its new policies and financial settlement.

• ONLINE HIGH SCHOOL CLASSES: TIDAL WAVE? From this morning’s LA Times: Online classes go mainstream:

[There are] 1 million kindergarten through high school student enrollments in virtual schooling across the nation, according to the North American Council for Online Learning….

…To deal with the growth, the University of California is launching an extensive effort to make sure applicants' online high school courses are on par with traditional classroom instruction.

Nearly half the states offer public school classes online, and last year Michigan became the first in the nation to require students to take an online course to graduate from high school….

Online learning "is going to reinvent high school in the United States," said Ken Ellwein, executive director of Lutheran High School of Orange County, which created its online school last year.

…Paul Riscalla, 17, a senior at Orange Lutheran who lives in Orange, splits his time between online classes and the traditional school so he can work 40 hours a week at two jobs and play drums in a rock band. "It was a way for me to have more time outside school, because I have a lot of stuff going on," he said.

…Orange Lutheran's online school, created because enrollment at the 1,150-student school was at capacity, began accepting students in the fall of 2005. Currently, 243 are enrolled in 21 courses offered in eight-week semesters. More than half the students have never set foot on the school's 12 1/2-acre campus, while the remainder are Lutheran High School students who split their time between the traditional school and online learning.

Virtual students at Orange Lutheran must log into their classes daily and read lectures, answer questions, participate in class discussions on message boards and do homework. Students are free to schedule their schoolwork whenever it suits them, as long as they log in daily….

Do hemorrhoids dream of pineapple sheep?

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WATCH FOR FALLING CHUNKS

OK, so people are asking me, “What happened to Chunk?” Well nothing happened to Chunk is what happened to Chunk.

A friend (Spanky) writes: “OK, but your readership seems to be very concerned about Chunk’s recent paranoiac rants followed by his sudden disappearance.” I wrote back: “Yeah, our readership worries about commas but ignores sentences.”

But then an article in this morning’s OC Register caught my eye: “Name that Chunk.” What’s this? I checked it out.

The Reg writes:

The company breaking up the concrete runways at the old El Toro air base is inviting the public to submit suggestions on what to call the chunks of asphalt and concrete that will be used in the construction of the Great Park.

I went to the “Recycle El Toro” website, which inexplicably features Russell Crowe, scratching his chin. According to the colorful opening page, you can win “fabulous prizes” if you “come up with a name for the recycled runways of El Toro.” In fact, you can “go down in history!”

If one clicks on the “landscape ideas!” button, one is shown some really cool—well, landscape ideas, all using those zillions of nameless chunks of concrete. The ideas look really good to me! I especially like the one called “VALIS.” Do check it out!

I still don’t know what Russell Crowe has to do with all this, though.

CAMELOT, DO A LOT?

As you know, the star of Thursday’s ATEP board meeting were the Camelot Group, a crew of business suits that showed up with a whiz-bang presentation complete with Star Wars music and slick visuals.

A friend writes

Thanks for the info on the ATEP proposals the other night. Camelot's website…sure doesn't have much—and you'd think that a film group…should have their website completed. Still can't find a single title of anything they've ever produced—though their proposal and their website is really eager to tell you all about "investments" and "portfolios" and "incentives.”

The friend quotes from Camelot’s webpage:

By combining the production efficiencies of the early studios with the creative advantages leveraged by today's independents, Camelot Films seeks to consistently combine financial success with artistic success.

My friend is unimpressed:

Efficiencies of the early 1900s?????...So...where's the education?

Yeah, what about that? No word yet on what the board made of Camelot and their presentation. Trustees did ask some good questions though.

For instance, What happens if you guys miss a payment? And: will Camelot be producing pornography?

I especially enjoyed the porn discussion. (Their answer? Nope. No porn. Not unless commercials count.)

WAYNE’S WORLD

A classified employee told me the other day that Earl Pagal came up from the district to inspect the “Flesh-eating cart from hell”—the one that Wayne makes the F&M employees use, at their peril. That so angered Wayne, I’m told, that he kicked a rock into a window.

Is the story true? Anybody got the details?

DREAMING OF ELECTRIC SHEEP

Evidently, on Wednesday, the School of Fine Arts held a fundraiser for the Performing Arts Center (set to be completed by the end of ’07). It was over at Trustee Dave Lang’s place, which is a bit of a shoebox, if you ask me. By all accounts, the fundraiser was a success.

Meanwhile, Rebel Girl is trying to get DONALD BREN interested in financing the design and construction of a fountain, complete with cavorting androids, in memory of PHILIP K. DICK. It'll be located out near B100.

Dick lived in Orange County. Died in Santa Ana. The Reb informs me that "Mr. Bren is seriously interested, I mean seriously." But she can be awfully ironic, that Reb. So I dunno.

Dick would have appreciated the SOCCCD. It surely would have driven him clean over the edge upon which he seemed to live.

The Big Picture

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ECHOING THE FINDINGS of a recent national study, a study conducted over six years by Cal State Sacramento's Institute for Higher Education Leadership & Policy suggests that only one-fourth of degree seeking community college students attain their goals.


Read the L.A. Times coverage of the report: "Few California community college students graduate or transfer, study says"

Rebel Girl's favorite observation:

"There is a tremendous amount of pressure to get student enrollment as high as possible," said Steve Boilard, higher education director for the nonpartisan Legislative Analyst's Office in Sacramento. "But very little pressure to make sure they complete or transfer out."

Now go grade your papers.

It's Camelot!

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UH-OH, THE ACCREDITATION LETTER

GOOD LORD, what a long day! Taught a class at 9:30, then another at 12:30, then dashed off to the Academic Senate meeting at 2:00, which went until past 4:30.

I hung around campus (IVC) long enough to find out what kind of letter the Accreds had sent the college. Looks like we’re in for another “focused midterm report,” only this time without a “site visit.” That’s an upgrade from the last report card, although the Accreds still seem to think our board micromanages and that the college community continues to soak in Mathurian goo (aka, hostility and despair).

THE BIG ATEP MEETING

Eventually, I made my way to Saddleback College for the special SOCCCD board of trustees meeting concerning the “Advanced Technology and Education Park” (ATEP) in beauteous Tustin, along lovely Ant Hill Boulevard. Tonight was the night for presentations of the “partnership” proposals submitted for use of our 68 acres, which are located just three or four blimp-lengths from one of those big Marine helicopter hangers.


For some reason, the trustees were late—someone told me they were probably screaming at each other about the replacement of Donna Martin. But I dunno. I huge crowd awaited their arrival.

At about 6:40, the trustees made their way to their chairs. Then there was a long and weird silence. Nobody said a thing. Then somebody pushed a button, and off they went.

After some folderol, Chancellor RAGHU P. MATHUR introduced the ATEP business. He explained about the 13 proposals that had been submitted. For tonight, he said, only three of the groups who had submitted proposals would be making presentations. CSU Fullerton would present two of them, some outfit called the SEIS Group would present a third, and then Camelot Entertainment Group would present the fourth.

The idea seemed to be that these four are the top of the heap.


According to whom? Mathur made a point of explaining the process whereby the use of ATEP was being determined. According to Mathur, the “governance groups”—faculty, et al.—are a part of the decision-making process! (Don't think so.) The 13 proposals, he said, were duly assessed by the Chancellor’s Executive Committee—a group that included no reps from the governance groups. The Committee, he insisted, “not only invited input” from the governance groups, but “their input is expected!”

Well, that’s bullshit. We stared at him.

Mathur blathered a while the way he does. He talked about the need for nurses. He yammered about “culinary arts” and “hospitality arts.” I don’t know what he was talking about. Everybody just wanted him to shut up.

Eventually, he reminded us that, by 2009, we’ve got to demonstrate to the City of Tustin that we’ve got our act together, ATEPwise, or we’ve screwed the pooch bigtime.

Raghu didn’t put it that way, of course.

PARK RANGER BOB


Park Ranger Bob Kopecky then spoke. “Partnerships are a two-way street,” he said. It’s all about “embedded education,” he said. We’re talking big money, he said.

Then he sketched all 13 of the proposals. One has something to do with “rapid prototyping” and modern manufacturing techniques. Another involves building some kind of big educational thingamabob that will take up the whole 68 acres.

CSUF has two proposals. One concerns the biotech industry and state-of-the-art facilities. The other is a CSUF satellite, comprising upper division and graduate programs. Then came CAMELOT Entertainment, the 800 pound gorilla of the evening. Camelot hopes to spend $800 million on a studio complex with sound stages and back lots. Meanwhile, EBD wants to help out minority businesses. Entertainment Arts Consortium wants to retrofit existing facilities to do I-don’t-know-what. ICON wants to train 18-26 year-olds in needed skills. The SEIS Group—one of the night’s big presenters—is “robotics”-oriented.

The next proposal was way cool: SkyVenture wants to build the world’s largest vertical wind tunnel. It would be used for testing products or something. I think they’re gonna drop guys into it and blow ‘em around, too.

Some engineering firm hopes to do something with rapid prototyping. There was something about expensive software. An outfit named VOIT seems to specialize in master planning. So they’d pretty much take over this whole ATEP thing and do it for us, I guess. Not sure.

The last proposal was called “Young Americans.” They’re patriotic and cheerful or something, and they used to be on Ed Sullivan. They sound like total shit. I think they want ATEP for their world headquarters, where they’d train 200-250 young Republicans to dance and pray and warble. (See Young Americans.)

After the Bobster spoke, two “project consultants” yammered at us. They sounded pretty smart, but don’t ask me what they said. I liked their names: “Dante” and “Andreas.” Andreas (or was it Dante?) carried around an opera book. I checked it out. Hardcore, man.

THE BIG THREE

It’s getting pretty late, so I’ll cut to the chase. CSU Fullerton got up first. They wanted to “nourish” entrepreneurs, I think.


The SEIS Group was next. The Group seems to be these two young guys. They seemed too young to do anything real or serious. They used a Mac, though, so I liked ‘em. They went on and on about Robotics. Evidently, they want to train kids to use a machine that they seemed to think was pretty special, but I keep seeing that very machine on American Chopper—you know, the one Vinny uses to cut special iron parts. I think these SEIS guys need to watch the Discovery Channel more often.

Next came Camelot, and, man, they were slick. Plus they were determined to WIN THIS THING.

I’ll have more to report about this tomorrow, cuz, right now, I need to catch a few Zzzzz's. But, trust me, these Camelot guys are slick. At one point, they even called themselves "slick." And they dragged everybody that they could think of to this presentation. One guy flew out all the way from New York just to stand up and wave. Another guy said something about a letter of recommendation from Sheriff Mike Carona. So it could be that Camelot is mobbed up. Or maybe they're into Russian cuties.

Well, the Camelot people went on and on, and the board treated them like special cases. The meeting stretched into the night, with multiple time extensions. I kept watching administrators: they were sleeping and drooling and staring that thousand-yard stare.

More tomorrow. But I think things went well. I think Bob was pretty pleased.

We’ll see.

A pic-a-nic tonight!

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MAN, THAT TUSTIN BASE PROPERTY of ours has had quite a wacky history. We fought with others over a chunk of it for a few years, but that finally got settled, and so now all parties happily clutch their own chunk of toxic dirt. Then there was all this talk about our setting up some kind of “Homeland Security” center over there, complete with retired KGB, Arabic instructors, killer lasers, and Schutzhund dogs. Faculty didn’t know what to make of that. It seemed ridiculous.

Well, nobody’s talking about that anymore. We’re glad.

Then we heard that entire Irvine Valley College programs would be ripped out of their moorings and floated over to Tustin on barges! That set off all sorts of premature outrage. It was probably just a rumor.

But you never know around here. I remember when, back in April of ’97, somebody was buzzing around the A200 hallways, claiming that RAGHU P. MATHUR had just become the President of the college. Boy did we laugh at that one. “Can you imagine believing something as preposterous as that?”, we said. “Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha!”

Well, years passed, and the Tustin acreage was eventually christened “ATEP,” which stands for “Amazingly Totally Empty Park,” I think. I always liked the “Park” designation. It inspired Rebel Girl to dub Provost Bob Kopecky the “Park Ranger.” That stuck. But Bob’s got a good sense of humor and he likes being called “Park Ranger Kopecky.” He’s even got his own pile of dirt, which he calls “ATEP Mountain.” I spotted Yogi and Booboo over there once.

I think they’ve even put up some pic-a-nic tables.

So now it all comes down to this: ATEP has attracted 13 proposals for “partnerships.” They’re pretty diverse, and you know how we feel about diversity! One involves film production, I think. Another concerns helping people start businesses. I think another one is about blimps and Japanese submarines, but its kinda out of date.

Tonight, there’s a special board meeting dedicated to presentations of some of these proposals. According to an ATEP news release dated January 23,

A special session of the South Orange County Community College District Board of Trustees will be held on Thursday, February 1, 2007 from 6-9 pm to begin hearing presentations on several partnership proposals to assist in the development of the Advanced Technology & Education Park (ATEP) in Tustin, California. Additional presentations will be made at regularly scheduled Board of Trustees meetings until all recommended proposals have been heard.

Someone told me that Park Ranger Kopecky plans to introduce the meeting with a skit involving Yogi, Booboo, Ranger Smith, and a big fucking pic-a-nic basket.

You don’t wanna miss that!

The Drug War Comes to IVC or Meth Lab in the Orange Groves? (Rebel Girl)

Yesterday Rebel Girl arrived on campus with her head encased in its seasonal invisible metal kettle (you know, the kind that descends with a head cold, swollen sinuses, collapsed Eustachian tubes, etc.) and made her way over to the place of refuge and good will, kleenex and common sense dispensed with cheer and wit - the Health Center.


She had during the previous hours at home, used up my own personal supply of Pseudoephedrine (aka Sudafed) and mentholated cough drops and was going to stock up for the day as she was facing 6 solid hours of face time with students and needed all the help she could get.

Imagine her distress when she commented on the slim pickings in the Pseudoephedrine tray and was told that soon it would no longer be available for free to folks like her who stumbled in with their head encased in invisible kettles.

Why? she asked though even as she finished the query she began to sense the answer.



She remembered that last year, Red Emma had tried to do a good turn and buy a case of cold medicine for the local Catholic Worker homeless shelter only to be challenged at the check-out counter at Target. Seems that even over-the-counter cold medicines are subject to restrictions, especially when one is buying in quantity. Who knows what you're really doing with that cough syrup… Long story short, Red actually muscled and shamed his way through the resistance he met at Target, summoning up the specter of homeless kiddies who really needed their Tylenol and Robitussin and carted off his case of the stuff to Santa Ana.

What's the danger in a little Pseudoephedrine? Not much, but apparently a lot of it will allow you to fuel your own little meth lab as a sideline.

So, Rebel Girl stocked up on Pseudoephedrine for the day, resisting the urge to fill her pockets and left some of the little pink packets for the rest of you to share. Hurry, hurry. It's going fast.

~Just another public service announcement from the folks here at DISSENT. Do send us your stories and tips.~