My blood numbers, though improving, are not yet normal, and so I'll receive treatment for that (e.g., I received an RBC booster this morning). The doctor seems to assume that that effort will be successful in short order.
I'll be monitored for the presence of cancer for five years. Still, at this point, it is very unlikely that the cancer will return.
This tense chapter of my life—which commenced perhaps a year ago—is now over. I still feel weak and mildly shitty, but that will pass as the chemo works its way out of my system. It's time to feel good again.
The next chapter is largely unwritten, undetermined, a daunting freedom. A voice says, "don't screw it up." And there are so many ways to do that.
I am already moving in a particular direction. May it take clearer form and make some kind of sense.
* * *
As if right on cue, Ancestry just emailed me an update on my ancestry—something people commonly if absurdly regard as part of who one is—and, as before, I find that I am largely (40%) Germanic with various eastern (e.g., Russian) and western (e.g., French and British) forebears. (Also: 3% Jewish.)
My mom is responsible for the eastern and northeastern stuff: she hailed from pre-war Prussia and Pommern. She made us listen to German march band music when I was a kid, but it sounded to me like merry-go-round music. As she listened, my mom imagined marching German soldiers; I imagined goofy unaffiliated horses and other creatures bobbing up and down absurdly and relentlessly and in a circle.
My dad was likely responsible for the western and northwestern contributions to my ancestry. He was from Southern Germany and Swabia (Swaben) in particular.
Swabians are some peculiar people, man.
To get a sense of Swabians, consider the "Swabian salute," which is the expression Leck mich am Arsch. I recall my sweet cousin Tina (she spoke only German) using the expression a lot when she visited back in 1974. (She also freely used the somewhat affectionate phrase "Arsch mit Ohren," a term for a stupid person, which literally means "ass with ears.") She didn't seem to regard such terms as offensive. They seemed playful.
According to Wikipedia,
The term Swabian salute (German: schwäbischer Gruß) is a partly humorous, partly euphemistic reference to the expression Leck mich am Arsch (akin to expression "kiss my arse", but literally "lick me on the arse") which is a common profanity. ... Although very common in most German-speaking areas with the possible exception of the extreme north of Germany [my mom was horrified by such vulgarities], the Swabian salute is used for a whole number of purposes [my emphasis] among the people of Swabia, Baden, parts of Bavaria and Austria, while in most other regions it is regarded as a rather vulgar insult only.According to ... a German court, the [salute] can serve the purpose of "picking up an earlier conversation, continuing a stagnating conversation, giving new impulses to a conversation, ultimately end a conversation". Writer Thaddäus Troll ... added more reasons: "to express surprise, to express joy about unexpectedly meeting a fellow Swabian, to turn down a request regarded unacceptable". Naturally, the salute is also used as an insult....
I love it that saying "lick my ass," at least among German speakers, can be so subtle and versatile in conversation. Plus it retains its power as a flat-out insult, a kind of "fuck you." Very impressive.
