Monday, October 9, 2000

ASK MISS FORTUNE!

[From Dissent 53, 10/9/00]

Dear Miss Fortune: I recently left a high-ranking eleven-year administrative position in Belgrade to spend more time with my family. Little Marko is making new friends here in Moscow and, gosh, Mirjana is already plotting to overthrow the darn government.

I’ve spent a few thoughtful days lately, considering how the decisions I made affected Serbians and running from angry mobs and two guys who say they’re from something called a War Crimes Tribunal. I understand the IVC Foundation is seeking a Director and I hope that you’ll consider me for the position.

Signed:

Slobo M.

Dear Slobo: You’ll fit right in here. Some helpful hints toward securing this coveted position: Change your party affiliation. Enroll in classes at a prestige academic institution, say, Nova Southeastern University. Get yourself on the hiring committee. CC your CV to RM at IVC.

* * * * *

Dear Miss Fortune: I was staffing the Army recruitment table outside the Student Services building, talking to the UPS employment fellow and the nice lady from MasterCard, who was handing out free T-shirts to kids who signed up for a credit card.

We waved and threw brochures over to the Ye Olde Crafts Faire booth. There, a crew of tiny elves assembled handsome figurines of schnauzers dressed as clowns, these lovely statuettes made entirely out of Q-tips, yarn and rhinestones. Two nice young men from the Church of the Holy Townhouse Tabernacle came by, handing out Harvest Crusade literature. We were all havin’ such a great time.

Then, suddenly, a group of IVC faculty and students showed up with a card table and a flag. They said they were there to register voters. Well, I knew they were there to scare away all our business, crowd us out of our designated Free Speech area, and generally put a damper on our good time.

I’m trying to be all I can be, but these folks are treading all over my First Amendment rights. Right?

Signed:

G.I. Joe

Dear Joe: When you’re right, you’re right. I thought I saw you out there, in those short brown pants. Gosh, I love a man in uniform. Speaking of which, have you ever seen Lee W in his Fife and Dumb Corps costume? It makes Miss F want to march to the beat of his big, bad bass drum. Regarding your particular problem, I’d report all suspicious voter activity directly to the district. They seem to have all kinds of Board Policies, just the thought of which gets Miss F Hot.

* * * * *

Dear Miss Fortune: I’m the Chancellor of a community college district up for his contract renewal. If my bosses win the election, I’m guaranteed employment. If they lose, I’ll have to find a new college. Any ideas?

Signed:

Chance

Dear Chance: I’d try to do a mailing with a picture on it of Ronald Reagan riding a horse. Get the taxpayers to pay for it. Alternatively, you might hire the Blue Angels to fly overhead during the next trustees meeting, dropping brochures about free golf and homosexual teachers on the adoring crowds. Or they might crash, offering you an opportunity to foist blame on a small group of disgruntled pilots.

* * * * *

Dear Miss Fortune: It’s me again, the illegally-appointed president of a small community college, thinking positively, bringing people together and spreading the One True Light.

I was sitting in my comfy new chair just the other day, noting on the giant wall-sized graph on my office wall the history of ways my actions affected students. Raising my eyes from the floor, I saw a vision. There, on the wall, was Ronald Reagan’s horse. As if in a beautiful dream, I leaped up and mounted the handsome steed and rode off into the sunset.

Signed:

Visionary

Dear Airy: Reviewing carefully the “Unusual Occurrence” reports forwarded to me by Campus Security, I note one involving a small man seen pushing a leather chair around in the A-100 Building at two in the morning hollering “Giddyup, Evil Empire” and “Whoa, Distance Learning.”

I’m prepared to ignore this episode if you can get another high-level administrator’s secretary to sign off on my recent request to officially rename the Clocktower Quad the “Miss Fortune Urban Park.”


* * * * *

Dear Miss Fortune: I’m confused. What’s all this about “same sex” benefits? I gotta tell you I just don’t see it. My husband and I have been having the same sex for thirty years. You know the problem: It’s all over in less time than it takes the SOCCCD Trustees to violate the Brown Act. I’ve chilled champagne, lit scented candles, put on sexy lingerie, even left copies of Board Policy 8000 lying open on his side of the bed. Nothing seems to work. Help.

Signed:

Frustrated

Dear Fruss: Do what I do, honey. Send out some really filthy campaign literature. One thing that makes a fellow friskier than dirty pictures is dirty tricks. That and a handful of Dilantin. Well, no, actually, that makes you want to drop a bomb on Korea, but that kinda makes this sexy girl hot too.

* * * * *

Dear Miss Fortune: The Boy Scouts can’t take public money to discriminate. God-loving folk can’t pray at a public high school football game. And homosexuals, Jews, and Communists are taking over the SOCCCD Board of Trustees. I go to my weekly Rush Limbaugh meetings and ask my friends for advice. Everybody shakes their dittoheads and laments the passing of the good old days, when the head of the County GOP could run for a pissy little college district seat and win without having to spend $100,000.

When will things be the way they oughta be?

Signed:

In Limbo

Dear Limbo: I don’t know what you’re complaining about. After my recent conversion, I’ve had to meet a whole new group of people at GOP meetings. I used to be a Democrat, albeit a Reagan Democrat, so people keep coming up to me looking for the Mark of the Beast. (FYI: I had it removed with laser therapy.)

Sadly, my new board allies aren’t buying it. As a test of my true allegiance, they’ve agreed to let me stay on the slate if I officially change my name on the ballot. Although I’ve spent a great deal of time developing voter trust in the good Fortune name, I’ve agreed. Note to SOCCCD district voters: Don’t ask, just please, please mark the box that now reads Dorothy Harvest Crusade. God bless.


--MF

ANYTHING GOOs (Almost)

Dissent 53
October 9, 2000

ANYTHING GOOs (Almost)

by Chunk Wheeler

9/26/00:

     I check my voicemail at school and find a message from Lee Haggerty, faculty union Pres, who says he’s looking for a volunteer to serve as union rep on the IVC “Foundation Director” search committee. The “orientation meeting,” he says, will be held in the morning. I call him to explain that I can’t attend the meeting, owing to a conflict with my teaching gig.
     Later in the morning, a colleague calls, and I tell her about the search committee and Lee’s request. She says she received a similar request via voicemail or email. She adds: “We’d better get on this committee or else Mathur will screw with it.” Neither one of us, however, can attend the orientation meeting.
            You’ll recall that the Board Majority—led by Dot and the Froguester—have always hated the Foundations, complaining that “taxpayer money” is used to support them, and they have done everything in their power to weaken or destroy them. And, recently, Dot and the president of IVC were seen lunching together….
            —But never mind that.

“I shall make recommendations to myself” 

9/27/00:

            Late the next morning, I run into a colleague who is evidently on the Foundation Director search committee. According to the colleague, at the orientation meeting, held just that morning (with Lee H serving as union rep), IVC President Raghu Mathur announced that he would be chairing the search committee. Mathur also explained that he would be involved in the “second level” interviews, where, presumably, he would make the final hiring decision. Whoa!
            “So he will be on the committee that will make recommendations to himself?” I ask.
            “I guess so. He said he’d be involved at the second level. So either he is himself the sole 2nd level decision-maker, or he’s interviewing with someone else at that level.”
            “Good grief!”

Scam sandwich:

            Now, appointment of an administrator to a search committee is standard practice, but, typically, the administrator’s function is merely to convene the first meeting. At that time, the committee selects its own chair, someone in whom the members have confidence. Naturally, then, no group of faculty and classified at IVC—aside from 5 or 6 half-wits—would ever select Raghu P. Mathur as chair. Don’t forget: 74% of faculty voted “no confidence” in the fellow back in 1998; looking back, that must have been the peak of his popularity.
            Further, for obvious reasons, at decent institutions, leaving aside special circumstances, no one is allowed to serve at more than one level in a search/hiring process, for that would undermine the independence of the interviewing groups and, further, in the case of involvement by powerful administrators (who make the final decision), it would introduce the specter of intimidation of faculty and classified, skewing the process to administrative advantage. Duh!
            But, hey, we’re in the SOCCCD, home of the Rat Bastard and other moral rodents (pace rodents). Naturally, therefore, our district is also the state community college system’s locus of spectacularly egregious bouts of hiring schweinerei, such as the infamous presidential search of 1997, when members of the board, in-between paroxysms of similarly egregious Brown Act floutage and despite existing district policies to the contrary, interviewed all nineteen presidential applicants, declaring, in the end, that the disreputable law-breaker Raghu P. Mathur, who had not a day’s worth of permanent administrative experience, was the best of the lot! Jaws dropped state-wide.
            You’ll recall that the members of the presidential search committee—mostly faculty and classified—were forbidden to rank or eliminate candidates. Back then, upon learning this, we all stared at each other and asked: “What, then, is the function of the search committee?”
            Yup, the board interviewed all applicants, relegating faculty and classified input to the sphere of effete intellectualosity and nattering negative nabobery. Later, the board officially adopted that faculty-despising micromanagerial “hiring policy.” Here’s what the Accrediting Commission’s 2/99 “Evaluation Report” for IVC had to say about it:
            A significant portion of the IVC presidential selection controversy results from a revised board policy in executive hiring. This policy… allows the board to involve itself inappropriately in the selection process including the conducting of interviews three levels deep in the organization…This policy brings the board totally out of compliance with Standard 10.A.4….
            Eventually, owing to the Accrediting Commission’s tender prodding (i.e., placing both colleges on “warning” status), the “policy” was abandoned, but, thanks especially to the sychophantastic tag-team of Cedric Sampson and Raghu P. Mathur, hiring sleight-of-hand has persisted, and a stake remains hammered deeply into the heart of “collegial consultation” or delegation of authority (to appropriate academic experts).

The eternal return of the PTeddidactyl:

            For instance, who can forget the joyous time that was had by all when the Gooster somehow became chair of the hiring committee for the district “personnel” director. You see, former Board Majoritarian Teddi “Dolt” Lorch keenly coveted that post and, despite her cozy relationship with her former colleagues—who, of course, make the final hiring decision—she applied for the Director spot and then waited anxiously by the phone, wig at the ready. Mathur, of course, was the key to the scam, but something went awry—maybe resistance from a key administrator—and Lorch didn’t get the job. Naturally, with cheeks ajigglin’, she climbed a nearby mountaintop and unleashed her fury to the heavens, inspiring a deluge of plump toads; then she asked for an EEOC investigation. Plus she sued the district, charging “age discrimination.” (Meanwhile, she ran for the OC Republican Central Committee and came in dead last. Nobody wants her.)
            That brings us to Scam B. Lorch’s suit, like Mathur’s, will collect dust until after the elections. Some speculate that, then, Williams and Co. will announce: “Gee, the voters want us to end all this litigatin’ and get on with educatin’, so let’s settle these two suits an’ start the celebratin’!”

Inquiring minds wanna know:

            Later that day (the 27th), I email four of the trustees:

Dear Don, Nancy, Dave, and Marcia:
     I just learned that the search committee for the IVC Foundation Director position met this morning for an orientation. At that time, President Mathur announced that he would be on the committee as its chair. He also indicated that he will be involved in the “second level” interviews.
     I was wondering whether you share my feeling that it is inappropriate for President Mathur to be on (much less chair) the committee charged with recommending finalists to another committee of which he is also a member.

            Not long after, I receive an email from a friendly trustee. The trustee indicates that he or she will “ask Cedric [the Chancellor] or Gary [Poertner, a Vice Chancellor] about this right now” and thanks me for bringing the matter to the board’s attention.

9/28:

            The next day, I receive an email from yet another trustee: Nancy Padberg:

Roy,
            I have requested an explanation from our administration about your email.
            I will provide you with same when I receive it.
                                                            —Nancy

            Evidently, Padberg contacts Mathur, who responds immediately. In his response, he cites the current District Classified Leadership Employment Procedures, according to which the “immediate” supervisor of a vacant classified leadership position is entitled to recommend members to the search committee and usually serves as its chair. He adds that the Foundation Director reports to the President.
            Padberg forwards Mathur’s explanation to me with a note that says: “fyi  Please comment.”

Ever hear of “checks and balances”?

            So I write the same four trustees, including Nancy P:

            Mathur’s “explanation” is not responsive. He quotes the procedures as follows:
   “Recommendations for Search Committee membership normally will be made by the immediate supervisor of the vacant Classified Leadership position.  The immediate supervisor generally serves as the Chair of the Committee, as well.”
     This provision explains only who is entitled to make recommendations (for search committee membership); obviously, it does not also imply that THAT person is entitled to be on the committee. That is, the provision does not preclude the possibility that, by recommending himself for that committee, that person violates the purpose of having a two-committee process, namely, involvement of independent groups and checks and balances….

            —I was trying to say that the appropriateness of someone’s being recommended to a search committee is in part a matter of the recommendation’s compatibility with the notion of committee “independence” and the mechanism of “checks and balances.” Thus, though, prima facie, the employment procedures give to an employee’s supervisor the right to recommend search committee membership and even to serve as the committee’s chair, that right can nevertheless be trumped by other, weightier considerations, such as the importance of maintaining checks and balances and genuine constituency group input (including input from the community)—which, in this case, precludes allowing a powerful administrator to serve at multiple levels in the process. It certainly precludes the final decision-maker (i.e., the president of the college) sitting on the committee charged with winnowing decent candidates from the applicant pool!
            I next receive a message from my trustee friend who asks if I would mind their forwarding my email to Poertner. I write back that I would not.
            The trustee and Poertner then commence considerable telephone taggage. I don’t hear back from them for several days.

Scamball unravellage:

October 4:

            I receive an email from trustee Padberg:

Roy,
            I believe that Pres. Mathur has removed himself from the level of Chairing the committee for this Search.
                                                            —Nancy

            As usual, trustee Padberg doesn’t get it. I immediately write back as follows:

NANCY:
    That President Mathur accepted the chairship of the (Foundation Director) search committee was grossly inappropriate. But that he is on the committee at all is also grossly inappropriate, for that circumstance violates a goal or purpose of the multi-staged search process, namely, allowing independent entities to make important contributions to decision-making and providing “checks and balances” on the power of participating groups (CEOs,  faculty, et al.). By allowing himself to serve on the search committee, Mathur extends his influence beyond level 2 (the level of CEO influence) to level 1 (the level of faculty influence); he thereby weakens or eliminates the “check” on administrative/CEO power, for he has placed himself on the committee that is supposed to provide the “check” on his power!
    Please be aware that faculty and classified staff who serve on search committees are reluctant to defy the demands of administrators [that they encounter there], for they fear retaliation.
   I hope that you are aware that the violation of checks and balances and the negation of constituency group “input”—a factor in our recent “Accreditation” difficulties—have become routine in our district. For instance, during a recent search process for an IVC dean, an administrator at level 1—acting, no doubt, at the behest of President Mathur—demanded of faculty that all five candidates be put forward to level 2—despite the unanimous judgment (of faculty on that committee) that candidate #5 should not be forwarded, owing to his manifest and dismal inferiority. (Ultimately, #5 was hired, to the horror of “his” faculty.)
    Naturally, these events and circumstances will be duly reported to the Accrediting Team during the next round of Accreditation.

            I send the above email to the usual four trustees plus Mr. Fuentes.
            The 2nd and 3rd paragraphs are a reference to a recent search process in which Mr. Glenn “Toady” Roquemore bullied committee members into advancing a particular applicant—one who had had an opportunity to demonstrate a willingness to obey corrupt Mathurian orders but who had received very negative evaluations from the members of the committee, owing, in part, to an obvious lack of qualifications, such as area expertise.
            Naturally, Roquemore had his way.

Goo Gone:

October 7:
            I finally hear back from my trustee friend, who has finally heard back (on the 2nd) from Poertner. The Vice Chancellor evidently wrote, “Raghu was going to be on the committee, but no longer is.” It seems that Mathur, confronted by Poertner with the “pros and cons” of remaining on the committee, agreed to remove himself. Well, duh!
            So much for plan A.

            I wonder what plan B will be like? There’s always a plan B. Can’t wait for plan B.  –CW

Teachers of the district, unite! (Red Emma)

Dissent 53

October 9, 2000

The Return of Red Emma (with an appearance by Mrs. Red Emma)

 by Red Emma

     “A spectre is haunting South Orange County Community College District—the spectre of regular correspondence. The history of all hitherto existing F.A. actions is the history of anonymous fake newsletters, a president in bed with management, and yes, pants droppings during meetings.”
            So begins the letter I received last week from Comrade Lee Haggerty, President of my local, on pleasantly official union letterhead. I’d never, in two years of union membership, ever gotten a letter from the F.A. I especially appreciated Haggerty’s inspiring closing remarks:
       “We have nothing to lose but Dorothy Fortune. We have a world to gain. Teachers of the district, unite!”
        —Well, not quite. But that I actually received such an epistle at all (“Dear Faculty Association Member,” indeed) thanking me, Red Emma, for my continuing membership, acknowledging “attempts to make the association more democratic, open and representative,” inviting Red Emma and everybody else to attend scheduled Rep Council meetings, and announcing the PAC endorsements of the four “Clean Slate” candidates seemed to me like a manifesto announcing a new era in Faculty Association deportment. Of course, at this point, Red Emma is willing to see manifestos in memos, faxes or post-its.
        My only complaint is the letterhead, which puzzles Red Emma much like those indecipherable phonetically-constructed personalized license plates which don’t, no matter how long you follow the car they’re on, seem to make sense. Let’s all say it out loud together, friends: “SOCCCDFA” See what I mean?

A Miraculous Occurrence 

Happily, Red is back in the pedagogical saddle at IVC, albeit at 7 a.m., this assignment due to either clumsy political retaliation or incompetence or perhaps both—you choose. As a result, he’s noticed a few things, jolly and whistling his way to the photocopy machine (I’ve used 3% of my allotment, Howard) at sun-up. First, there’s nobody on campus except Brenda (with fresh coffee abrewin’), the leaf blower guy, and a couple of tired looking rabbits. Yet, happily, friends, this is the very best time of day for concerted viewing of the President’s Chair.
        The morning light catches the rich sheen of its genuine leather, sparkling on the polished brass tacks and, yes, staring at it through the window in A-100, you can just make out the slight impression made on the plush headrest by the swollen skull of the Chief Executive himself. No doubt he’s been sitting there all night, thinking about how what he does affects students. Just think of it. Perhaps the Great Man’s imprint on the Chair may yet be warm. I proceed with my teaching day, renewed in my mission to bring hope to the hopeless, joy to the joyless, and clues to the clueless.
        This sobering early morning miracle ranks among Red’s most personally moving spiritual experiences: seeing the famous Chartres cathedral, the image of the Virgin on a garage door in Santa Ana, and the face of Richard Nixon on a Twinkie. Or maybe I’m just still asleep.
        Speaking of Raghu Mathur, I am reminded of Oscar Wilde’s famous line about him: “He has fought a good fight and has had to face every difficulty except popularity.”

An Unfair Occurrence 

At the September meeting, the new, letter-writin’ local agreed to file an Unfair Labor Practice (ULP) regarding the district’s fairly shameless disregard for the contract and its subsequent purposeful bungling of the hiring procedure surrounding a recent full-time hiring at Saddleback. It seems that there was dismay aplenty at Personnel for ignoring its contractual obligation to give Adjunct Faculty with 10 semesters of service an automatic job interview. Curiously, Red Emma’s name did not quite make it to the committee. Oh, well, always a bridesmaid, never the Bride of Frankenstein.
        This particular vote was just another example of unanimous plebiscitary at the F.A. meeting, the PAC’s recommendation having been similarly met with all ayes. Ironically, the only real example of dissent was from Red himself, who voted against giving Bob the K a bag of cash to take down to Mexican orphans. Why? Because Emma would prefer to establish a BUDGET ITEM for such charitable contributions, put the intended money in an interest earning account, and do something more than symbolic improvisational charity work on behalf of Bob’s Kids. Red’s funny that way. Also, I fully expect the orphans to organize before November as a project of the “Conservative Faculty Association” (SOCCCCFA) and come out against same sex marriage benefits. 

An “Unusual” Occurrence 

Has anybody else at IVC noticed the recent arrival of four or five closed-circuit television monitors over at the cafeteria? Their installation has transformed our benign little commons into an unpleasant, loud ER Waiting Room, with non-stop closed-circuit “satellite” television meant for mental defectives. You know what I’m talking about: misogynist music videos, action film promotions, and fake news for somebody’s imagined College Demographic. Eating my bagel, I watched, horrified, a 3 minute top of the hour “news” piece which outlined the two (sic) presidential candidates’ positions on public education (astonishingly, they’re both for it—though one wants to take out the “public” part), followed by a story about a hapless skunk with a 32 oz. Taco Bell cup stuck on its snout. I assume the segment’s corporate underwriter was Taco Bell. (The skunk was a Nader supporter.)
       So, why would a public education institution surrender its scholarly community’s singular gathering place to Turner Communications, Inc.? Why, you say, Red Emma (you Commie Anarchist bastard!), because by pimping for a major media corporation, we’ll secure hundreds of thousands in cash, computers, television sets and Taco Bell promotional merchandise for the college, right?
       Wrong. Sources tell Red Emma that the college got just plain squat for its big public education sell-out. The service is “free” to college subscribers, which include, according to ex-IVC PIO Joyce Kirk, 1,800 institutions. Wow.
       Joyce, it’s like Mom used to ask me.
       Mom: “Li’1 Red Emma, if those colleges have a Nazi on their board, TVs in their cafeteria and if they jump off a cliff, are you gonna join ‘em?”
      Red Emma: (sighing) “Oh, Mom!”
       But now that I think about it, Mom (a registered Republican) didn’t let us kids eat Taco Bell or other junk food, god bless her.
       And we were told never, ever to sit so close to four or five television sets (or Holocaust deniers). It’ll rot your brain, she said. Mom was right. And how long, you ask, is the college bound to play this endless crap on the TV? Sources tell Red it’s a 2-year contract. Apparently Kirk imagined a big payoff which she’d then cleverly apply to her own Public Affairs budget instead of giving it, say, to the students or the Foundation.
       In loving tribute to Mom, Red Emma walked into the cafeteria one morning last week, reached up and just turned off the closest TV set. (There’s a little button marked, oddly, “power.”) Perhaps if observed by administration, he might have merited a write-up by administration—an “Unusual Occurrence”?—and a teaching assignment for next semester of, say, 6 a.m. With a few more of these modest acts of resistance, Red may end up teaching class at three in the morning. Fine. It’ll just be me and Brenda and Raghu’s phantom head. Meantime, I suggest that concerned students, faculty, and staff join Red’s anti-corporate media campaign. If enough of us turn off the monitors, the occurrence will no longer be unusual.

A Part-Time Occurrence 

        Yes, folks, it’s time for the new, democratic local to start assembling its list of demands toward negotiating the next contract. Never too early, especially with a five (!) year contract. Catalina D., the new S’back Adjunct Rep, mentioned “seniority” for part-timers. Thoughtfully corrected by Full-Timers on the illegality of such a scheme, the spirit of her suggestion was nonetheless vigorously applauded. The leadership of the local and its “majority” full-time members (we part-timers outnumber them 2.5 to 1) must prioritize the issue of justice for part time faculty. In addition to instituting some kind of district-wide policy regarding whatever you want to call the right of first refusal policy accorded full-timers, this district needs to pay us for an office hour, as mandated by the California Legislature. We’d also like a computer of our own, please, and a real office, a part-time bulletin board, and paid “flex” time. And while we’re at it, how come the adjunct mail boxes are below the full-timers’? Huh?
       Red Emma plans to hold his first paid office hour at 6 am, drinking a cup of Brenda’s fine coffee and selling tickets to pilgrims wanting to see the “Miracle Chair.”

A “Conservative” Occurrence 

Responding to a press release sent out by the South Orange County Community College Conservative Faculty Association, a part-time IVC faculty member recently sent his own release. In a shameless effort to mollify one of his favorite contributors, your editor has agreed, despite his best instincts and the high journalistic standards of this publication, to reprint it, below.  —R.E.

[PRESS RELEASE—TONKOVICH]

THE SOUTH ORANGE COUNTY COMMUNITY COLLEGE DISTRICT

Saddleback College  
Irvine Valley College
THE ONE, TRUE,
CONSERVATIVE
FACULTY ASSOCIATION
#1

Our mission: “TRUTH”
Our motto: “ONENESS”

Our constituency:
the really, really truly conservative faculty members of the South Orange County
Community College District.

Our enrollment numbers: wouldn’t you like to know?

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

*    The One, True, Conservative Faculty Association Challenges SOCCCD Faculty Association
*    Membership Announces Endorsement of Tom Fuentes—for ALL FOUR TRUSTEE positions
*    Affiliate Faculty Associations endorse Fuentes

Contact: Andrew Tonkovich, Chair, OTCFA (949) xxx-xxxx

Today, Friday September 22, the Chairperson of the SOCCCD-OTCFA denounced the SOCCCD Faculty Association as “a small rogue group of faculty members made up of the majority of faculty in the two-campus district.” Comments attacking the legitimacy of the faculty labor union and its PAC were made by OTCFA Chair Andrew Tonkovich, an Adjunct Faculty member at Irvine Valley College, one of the district’s two colleges.
“Who do they think they are? A union?” sniffed One True Conservative Chair Tonkovich. “Just because they negotiate our contracts and we elect them to office doesn’t mean that they represent us.” He went on to declare, “So what if their membership is at an all-time high. Who cares that the state California Teachers Association (CTA) recognized this remarkable growth with an award? It doesn’t mean that the SOCCCD Faculty Association represents anyone other than the people behind them—the faculty.”
The un-elected, un-appointed, unofficial spokesperson of the One, True Conservative Faculty Association touted the credentials of his own newly-formed organization: “We’re NOT like those other faculty associations you read about in the papers. We’re NOT recognized as a collective bargaining unit by the state. We DON’T collect dues. We DON’T hold meetings. We DON’T negotiate teachers’ contracts.”
“In fact,” offered Tonkovich, “we DON’T have any legal or political standing at all. No, not a lick! Still, we offer the ONE, TRUE CONSERVATIVE VISION: Oneness. Truth.”
Tonkovich added that his organization “put the ‘con’ in “conservative.”
Tonkovich then announced his Faculty Association’s endorsement of Orange County Republican Party Chair Tom Fuentes for not one, but all four district Trustee positions in November. “He’s our candidate. If he’s not on your ballot, just write in his name or ‘GOP guy.’ They’ll know who you mean.”
        Fuentes is currently a candidate in only one district, but has raised an unheard of $100,000 to fund his race, more than four times the average amount of other candidates.
        Fuentes was recently appointed by the Board of Trustees to replace the retiring Steven Frogue, an alleged Holocaust revisionist, who was the subject of a community recall effort. “We believe Tom Fuentes plans to use this position as a stepping stone toward a Supervisorial run,” said Tonkovich. “That’s fine with true conservatives like us.”
        OTCFA’s position follows the SOCCCD-FA’s recent endorsement of four “Clean Slate” candidates for the Board of Trustees’ race. “Their endorsement means diddly squat,” said Tonkovich. “Look, all the Faculty Association did was put together a democratic process allowing all faculty to develop questions about important issues facing the district, interview candidates in an open forum, and then vote their choices. Just because the vote was unanimous doesn’t mean a thing. I mean, this is America, isn’t it?”
        Tonkovich cautioned reporters to “Listen to us! Not THEM!”
        He also announced the formation of affiliate One, True Conservative groups, each offering individual F.A. endorsements of Trustee Tom Fuentes for all four positions. These affiliate groups include:

            The One, True, Conservative Nudist Faculty Association (OTCNFA)
The One, True, Conservative Buddhist Nudist Faculty Association (OTCBNFA)
Friends of the Tom Fuentes Urban Park (FTFUP)
The One, True, Free, Faux Conservative Faculty Association ( 1234CFA)

        Tonkovich’s remarks were met by complete indifference. He is, nonetheless, available for comment. (949) xxx-xxxx.

Red Emma's infamous "press release" (archive)

This is an "archive" post:

From a piece entitled “The Return of Red Emma (with an appearance by Mrs. Red Emma),” by Red Emma, Dissent 53, 10/9/00

A “Conservative” Occurrence

Responding to a press release sent out by the South Orange County Community College Conservative Faculty Association, a part-time IVC faculty member recently sent his own release. In a shameless effort to mollify one of his favorite contributors, your editor has agreed, despite his best instincts and the high journalistic standards of this publication, to reprint it, below. —R.E.

PRESS RELEASE—TONKOVICH
THE SOUTH ORANGE COUNTY COMMUNITY COLLEGE DISTRICT

Saddleback College
Irvine Valley College
THE ONE, TRUE,
CONSERVATIVE
FACULTY ASSOCIATION
#1

Our mission: “TRUTH”
Our motto: “ONENESS”

Our constituency:
the really, really truly conservative faculty members of the South Orange County
Community College District.

Our enrollment numbers: wouldn’t you like to know?

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

* The One, True, Conservative Faculty Association Challenges SOCCCD Faculty Association
* Membership Announces Endorsement of Tom Fuentes—for ALL FOUR TRUSTEE positions
* Affiliate Faculty Associations endorse Fuentes

Contact: Andrew Tonkovich, Chair, OTCFA (949) xxx-xxxx

Today, Friday September 22, the Chairperson of the SOCCCD-OTCFA denounced the SOCCCD Faculty Association as “a small rogue group of faculty members made up of the majority of faculty in the two-campus district.” Comments attacking the legitimacy of the faculty labor union and its PAC were made by OTCFA Chair Andrew Tonkovich, an Adjunct Faculty member at Irvine Valley College, one of the district’s two colleges.

“Who do they think they are? A union?” sniffed One True Conservative Chair Tonkovich. “Just because they negotiate our contracts and we elect them to office doesn’t mean that they represent us.” He went on to declare, “So what if their membership is at an all-time high. Who cares that the state California Teachers Association (CTA) recognized this remarkable growth with an award? It doesn’t mean that the SOCCCD Faculty Association represents anyone other than the people behind them—the faculty.”

The un-elected, un-appointed, unofficial spokesperson of the One, True Conservative Faculty Association touted the credentials of his own newly-formed organization: “We’re NOT like those other faculty associations you read about in the papers. We’re NOT recognized as a collective bargaining unit by the state. We DON’T collect dues. We DON’T hold meetings. We DON’T negotiate teachers’ contracts.”

“In fact,” offered Tonkovich, “we DON’T have any legal or political standing at all. No, not a lick! Still, we offer the ONE, TRUE CONSERVATIVE VISION: Oneness. Truth.”

Tonkovich added that his organization “put the ‘con’ in “conservative.”

Tonkovich then announced his Faculty Association’s endorsement of Orange County Republican Party Chair Tom Fuentes for not one, but all four district Trustee positions in November. “He’s our candidate. If he’s not on your ballot, just write in his name or ‘GOP guy.’ They’ll know who you mean.”

Fuentes is currently a candidate in only one district, but has raised an unheard of $100,000 to fund his race, more than four times the average amount of other candidates.

Fuentes was recently appointed by the Board of Trustees to replace the retiring Steven Frogue, an alleged Holocaust revisionist, who was the subject of a community recall effort. “We believe Tom Fuentes plans to use this position as a stepping stone toward a Supervisorial run,” said Tonkovich. “That’s fine with true conservatives like us.”

OTCFA’s position follows the SOCCCD-FA’s recent endorsement of four “Clean Slate” candidates for the Board of Trustees’ race. “Their endorsement means diddly squat,” said Tonkovich. “Look, all the Faculty Association did was put together a democratic process allowing all faculty to develop questions about important issues facing the district, interview candidates in an open forum, and then vote their choices. Just because the vote was unanimous doesn’t mean a thing. I mean, this is America, isn’t it?”

Tonkovich cautioned reporters to “Listen to us! Not THEM!”

He also announced the formation of affiliate One, True Conservative groups, each offering individual F.A. endorsements of Trustee Tom Fuentes for all four positions. These affiliate groups include:

The One, True, Conservative Nudist Faculty Association (OTCNFA)

The One, True, Conservative Buddhist Nudist Faculty Association (OTCBNFA)

Friends of the Tom Fuentes Urban Park (FTFUP)

The One, True, Free, Faux Conservative Faculty Association ( 1234CFA)

Tonkovich’s remarks were met by complete indifference. He is, nonetheless, available for comment. (949) xxx-xxxx.


From the OC Weekly, October 13, 2000

Cirque du Socccd
Goofiness is back at South Orange County Community College District

by Matt Coker

Let us revisit one of the weirdest marriages in the history of Orange County’s political freak show. It’s 1996, and the leadership of the liberal union representing South County community college faculty members has locked arms with four conservatives running for the board of trustees.

Their reasons are simple: the union, which spends more in these races than all other sources combined, will use its ample treasury to prop up conservatives in one of the most conservative voting areas in California, the South Orange County Community College District (SOCCCD), which encompasses Saddleback and Irvine Valley colleges. In return, said conservatives will protect teacher salaries, already the highest in the state community college system, in the face of the financially strapped district’s looming bankruptcy.

The strategy of this unholy alliance was best illustrated in what became known as the “homophobic hate mailers of ’96.” To ensure the conservatives’ victory, the union paid for campaign mailers that played on the fears of conservative voters. The mailers claimed that the conservative slate would fight to protect voters’ hard-earned tax dollars from being used to fund health benefits for the same-sex partners of district employees.

Same-sex benefits were neither an issue in the race nor on the district bargaining table, but the tactic worked beautifully. Three of the four conservatives—Dorothy Fortune, John Williams and Steven Frogue—breezed to victory; fellow conservative Don Davis lost to incumbent David Lang.

The ’96 election left a bad taste in the mouths of many in the district. Acrimony led to lawsuits, turf wars, recall campaigns, outgoing staff stampedes, closed-door meetings, closed-door-meeting-law violations, threats of lost accreditation and an eventual changing of the guard in the faculty-union leadership.

But now it’s election time again, and gay-baiting has returned to the SOCCCD. Faxes that have been dropping like SCUDs at Irvine Valley College (IVC) the past few weeks riff off the same homophobia used in 1996. Claiming to be newsletters produced by IVC’s “Gay-Lesbian Task Force,” the faxes applaud a reform-minded slate of candidates—incumbent Lang and newcomers Bill Shane, Bob Loeffler and Bill Hochmuth—for supporting same-sex benefits.

Using political reverse psychology—and lots of capital letters—one fax reads: “Please, do not vote for those candidates who would DENY us our domestic-partner same-sex benefits (DON DAVIS, JOHN WILLIAMS, DOROTHY FORTUNE and TOM FUENTES).”

Fuentes, the chairman of the Orange County Republican Party, recently replaced Frogue, who stepped down from the board after a tumultuous reign that included two unsuccessful recall campaigns against him amid allegations that he is racist and anti-Semitic.

As is par for the SOCCCD, the faxes are total bullshit. There is no Gay-Lesbian Task Force. The name of the “registered Democrat” identified as the author of the abovementioned fax is not in the phone book, the district’s employee roster or the county registrar’s list of registered Democrats. The “author” listed on a second fax does exist but denies having created either fax and is offended by being linked to them.

A third fax sent out last week makes the same claims about same-sex benefits but directs all inquiries to IVC’s Gay & Lesbian Student Club—which does exist, although club members deny any involvement in this sordid mess. Fax No. 4 claims that Lang has won the endorsement of the North American Man-Boy Love Association (NAMBLA).

Despite their over-the-top quality, the faxes prompted another IVC professor—who also exists—to announce the formation of a conservative faculty group to fight “liberal extremists” who have taken over the union and created a rogue and illegal PAC that has secretly recruited candidates to push for same-sex benefits. That professor confirmed to the Weekly that he authored that fax.

Andrew Tonkovich, a liberal adjunct faculty member at IVC and a constant thorn in the side of conservative trustees and administrators, responded to the fax campaign by putting out a satirical release from the “One True Conservative Faculty Association.” Noting that his organization “put the ‘con’ in ‘conservative,’” Tonkovich announced his group’s endorsement of Fuentes for not one but all four vacant district trustee seats this November. He concludes his delicious lampoon by pointing out that his public “remarks were met by complete indifference.”

“Complete indifference” is how we’re supposed to regard community college districts. When it comes to government fiefdoms, community college districts rank near the bottom in importance, sandwiched somewhere between vector-control and lighting-assessment districts. Here’s a little secret: community college boards don’t actually do anything. Most money for community colleges comes from the state and is earmarked for specific purposes. Talking about gays and lesbians is just a way to get some voters to pay attention.

The Weekly apologizes for having wasted this much ink to tell you that.

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