by intrepid girl reporter Lana LangA highly-rated IVC Professor and occasional contributor to Dissent the Blog was hospitalized Wednesday, following accidental exposure to an inane comment.
The incident occurred in the early afternoon of January 28, as the instructor was crossing the campus A-Quad. As a result of exposure to the overheard remark, apparently uttered by another professor, the victim began to experience flu-like symptoms, headache, nausea, dizziness, ennui, and near vomiting, in addition to some “unpleasant changes in skin tone,” according to the school nurse.
The toxic comment was reported to have been delivered by a “somewhat well-dressed woman” possibly in her early-thirties, with a “piss-poor make-up job and a dire need for some decent nylons,” who gave indications of being an instructor in the Social Sciences. The remark was delivered to a small group of students, apparently as part of a post-class wrap-up in front of the A-200 building, and is believed to have run as follows:
“All the universe is a series of energy transformations,” the instructor declared, in tones so solemn they had to be heard to be believed, “And I think that human consciousness too, is a kind of energy transformation, that’s what it is, and that could explain . . .”
—The rest of the pronouncement was not heard, as the victim, and primary witness, was overwhelmed by nausea and horror.
Managing only a few more staggered steps, she, the victim, who was on her way to class at the time, collapsed, toppling violently to the ground. Nearly unconscious, the young woman had to be rushed to UCI Medical Center for treatment in a hyperbaric chamber.Additionally, a few students were reported to have been slightly overcome by vague feelings of elation, but may not have suffered the full effects of the remark, reported the school nurse.
An IVC police officer said the tragedy should serve as a warning for people to stop saying things that are “so freakin' stupid.”
The occurrence serves as reminder that college professors have an obligation to at least attempt to make some sense when they speak, and to avoid comments that are completely lacking in intellectual rigor, said an unnamed school official.“Unless, of course, they are merely joking,” he added.
Completely empty-headed statements and other sub-moronic prattle should always be scrupulously avoided, he emphasized, “At least outside the classroom.”
◊ Contributor "Lana Lang" is in reality an IVC science instructor and wag. Note: "Lana" supplied the graphic of herself.
