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"Sorry I missed class, professor, but I had to stay with my girlfriend while she was getting her hair cut."
Most of the excuses are gleaned from the ever peevish RateYourStudents blog.
What? You haven't visited that site? What's wrong with you? Hurry up! Time's a wastin'!
The Chronicle article is good for laughs--and who doesn't need an extra chuckle?--but the RateYour Students blog gives you more than that. Take some time and scroll around. Go ahead. No one's looking. Really.