If you’re anything like me (and you are if you’re a confused, opportunistic, reactionary, gay-baiting Reagan Democrat in Republican South County), you’re wondering just what to get for those special little elves who’ve done their darndest to make every day a holiday at IVC and Saddleback.
Yes, it’s the giving season. Here, then, are Miss Fortune’s modest gift-giving suggestions:
Give Sharon a copy of Robert’s Rules of Order.
Give Cedric a goddam clue.
Give Lee Walker a pick, a lantern, and those cute little shorts, hi ho!
Give Curt a colonic.
Give Caroline seat restraints.
Give Raghu the clap.
Give Frogue Poland and the Sudetenlands.
Give Sherry a job with Cal Trans (as a traffic cone).
Give Mas a No-Doz.
Give Bob an orphanage.
Give El Rey jail time.
Give Dean Gensler another B.A. (and a coupla No-Doz).
Give the CTA a spine.
Give Glenn a muscle relaxant.
Give Armando a copy of the First Amendment.
And, while you’re at it (and you know who you are), don’t forget to…
Give Bobbie a new boss. Give Roni the Box of Financial Records. Give Adjunct Faculty a paid office hour and proportional representation on the Rep Council. Give Miss Fortune a challenger in the next election (who isn’t Bill Jay). And give us each and every one Shared Governance and a democratic, progressive, just local that makes us proud to be educators at a public, non-corporate community college.