Sunday, September 26, 2010

Grandmothers in jeopardy

     A funny essay—or title, anyway—in today’s Chronicle of Higher Education:

New Semester Results in Huge Loss of Life Among Grandmothers
     Just days into the fall semester, professors say the excuses for missing class have already begun to flow: food-borne illnesses, fender-benders, roommate squabbles, registration snafus.
     Then there are the grandparents, those poor souls who wander about dead but unaware of it—like Bruce Willis's character in The Sixth Sense—conveniently killed off by college students whose tuition they might even be paying. One commenter on a Chronicle Forums thread on student excuses suggests sending out warning notices to the old folks: "The midterm exam for [course and number] is scheduled for [date]. This puts your life in danger. We recommend that you get a physical exam before that date and avoid all unnecessary travel until the test is over. Grandmothers are particularly at risk."
     Writer Don Troop offers some student excuses that readers have sent him:
• This is one I received this morning after a student missed my 8 a.m. class:

"Sorry I missed class this morning but I woke up so stiff I could barely move and didn't no [sic] why so I ended up going to the hospital to see what's wrong and it turns out when I was born my spinal chord didn't grow properly so I ended up pinching some things and that's why I wasnt able to move. Sorry I missed class though but I will bring by my author summary to you. Thank you and sorry."

• One student missed my class because his truck window wouldn't roll up….

• Last semester I did have a student not come to class because, she said, some stalker was licking her windshield, and campus security towed her car.…

• This one is verbatim: "I am really sorry I was not in class today. I some how came down with ammonia and have been really sick for the past 2 days."
     Those strike me as mostly lame.
     The other day, I gave a test, and, as students were finishing it, one kid came up to me and asked for permission to return the pen he borrowed.
     "Absolutely," I said.
     They ask if they can go to the can, too.
     "Sure," I say. "You have my permission. But next time, just go. OK?"
     They stare back, not comprehending. I wave them toward the exit.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Just prior to the start of this semester I had a student ask me if he could miss the first day of class because he didn't want to miss the fantasy football draft. I gave him the bit about priorities and commitments, that he might consider taking the class at a later time, and so on. But he did attend, and hasn't missed one yet.

I haven't had too many grandparent deaths keep students away. But there have been some students who couldn't attend because they had to take grandma to the doctor (probably in anticipation of her dying and potential future absences).

But my favorite student excuse was not about missing class, but about not submitting a paper on time. This student sent me an email just hours before the thing was due, and reported to me that he would not be able to submit his paper because the police "for some reason" confiscated his computer (containing his paper) and that he would need more time to rewrite it. He even sent me the police report. Apparently, his roommate was involved in unlawful activities of some sort. I gave him the benefit of doubt. Could have been true. Or a great fabrication. I don't know. But he dropped.

Roy's obituary in LA Times and Register: "we were lucky to have you while we did"

  This ran in the Sunday December 24, 2023 edition of the Los Angeles Times and the Orange County Register : July 14, 1955 - November 20, 2...