Wednesday, August 25, 2010

On "t*ts" and "teats"

     No doubt you’ve heard all about the Alan Simpson “tit” story:

Alan Simpson: Social Security Is 'A Milk Cow With 310 Million Tits' (HuffPost)

     Among others, NOW has called for Simpson to step down from that Commission. Then AARP piled on, calling his remark “offensive.”
     Now, don’t get me wrong. Ever since the Clarence Thomas hearings, I’ve considered Alan Simpson an asshole.
     But the reaction to his “milkcow” remark baffles me.
     I’m not referring to the proposition that his remark was used to convey. He’s against Social Security; I get it. So he’s a Republican. That’s objectionable, I guess, but nothing to squawk about.
     The big reaction seems more about his way of expressing the proposition—i.e., his use of the word “tits.”
     Simpson's from Wyoming and likes to express ideas in a folksy manner. I don’t especially care for folksy blather, but it isn’t intrinsically objectionable.
     So he went off the rails a little bit. Shoulda said “teats” but said “tits.”
     Teats, tits. –They’re practically the same word!
     My dictionary defines “teat” as follows:
a nipple of the mammary gland of a female mammal, from which the milk is sucked by the young.
     And “tit”:
a woman's breast or nipple (vulgar)
     But then my dictionary lists phrases with “tit” in it, including this one:
suck the hind tit  informal: receive less of something than others who are competing for it.
     OK, now correct me if I’m wrong, but the “tit” of “suck the hind tit” is in fact a teat. You don’t really have “hind tits” on a woman—not in my experience. This “hind tit” business is about cows, man. Not women.
     So sometimes “tits” means “teats."
     Thus, even though Simpson is an asshole, I’m gonna defend the guy with regard to this whole “tit” brouhaha.
     The correct response to Simpson’s remark is not: "You said 'tits'! My God!" No, it is this: “So, Al baby, what’s wrong with a cow havin’ all those tits—er, teats?”
     Nothin’.

9 comments:

Bohrstein said...

This reminds me... has anyone watched Total Recall lately?

gj said...

What about the titmouse? Or Germany's Titisee? It would be a shame if their names had to be changed to teatmouse and Teatisee.

Anonymous said...

It's pretty clear that the Republicans who are so concerned about Social Security are really upset about the fact that no one's making any money off it. All that money, and no bonuses for CEO's, no sales commissions, no hedge fund management fees. It's gotta be killing them.

Anonymous said...

"Tit": ugh. It's one of those words that are not only just plain ugly, but that convey a certain attitude and world-view--or women-view, at least. I think its use, especially in a public setting, reveals an amazing obtuseness and, well, offensive attitudes lurking all over the place.

I'm not saying he should resign, but it's ever so unfortunate to find such oblivious louts still out and about.

MAH

Anonymous said...

I don't think I disagree, MAH. At any rate, Simpson should realize by now that the term will offend and is a likely indicator that he shares that world-view, even if, in fact (I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt) it is possible that he only meant "teat."
I guess I am annoyed that bozos like Simpson pay a high price for word choice instead of for their unfortunate philosophies and actions. We should be talking about Social Security and how it is absurd to compare it to welfare, since it restores money originally taken from the program's beneficiaries. It is a return of their money, not a handout. Simpson's view is offensive. His use of "tits" (in a metaphor focussing on a cow's mammary glands) is surely of relative insignificance. --BvT

Anonymous said...

Re my reference to the Clarence Thomas hearings, read Simpson's remorse --BvT

Anonymous said...

If tits is too ugly, how about boobs, winnebagoes, hooters, funbags, or melons?

Anonymous said...

Don't forget knockers!

Anonymous said...

All of these are preferable to the execrable "t" word! "Winnebagoes" and "funbags" are hilarious. Someone I knew used to say "wazimbas."

"Breasts," however, is just plain nice. And accurate!

MAH

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