Tuesday, December 6, 2005

Check out the UFOs!

1. IT'S IRVINE-TOWN, JAKE. You couldn't miss the "vote" signs all over campus (at IVC) today. So, at about noon, I followed 'em. They led me to the top floor of the marvelous "Student Services Center."

The signs then led me to one of the rooms reserved for student government. I entered the room that was prepared to handle a stampede of voters.

Nobody was there except two pleasant middle-aged ladies who were just staring at each other in silence. There were ten or twelve fancy-schmancy voting booths. They looked pretty high-tech.

But there were no voters. Not one.

I asked, "Anybody voting today?"

"It's been kinda slow," said one lady.

We stared at each other in silence for quite some time.

2. UFO SIGHTING. Whilst wandering the campus in search of voters, I spotted a strange white object in the distant eastern sky. I quickly retrieved my camera from my moldy office and returned just in time to take a picture of the apparition. I really couldn't tell what it was. Here's how the picture looked on my camera's little screen:


You can kinda see it there near the middle and a little off to the right.

When I got home, I blew the picture up a bit. Here's what I got at first:


That wasn't much better. So I blew it up some more:



GOOD LORD!

3. IT'S OFFICIAL: NO MOLD. As we reported a week or so ago, some guy came around with fancy equipment to test the air in A200. He had a sky hook, some mirrors, and a ball of wax.

Well, we've been told that the results are in and there's no mold problem in A200. It's "scientific."

Yeah? I still think the furry glass tells you everything you need to know:


4. ACCRED REPORT: IT'S IN THE MAIL. I've been told that Deborah Blue has communicated with college officials, and she's told 'em that she sent the report for Saddleback yesterday. Looks like the report for IVC will be sent late today.

I'm not sure what "send" means here. Probably snail mail.

Wags around here figure that when the jury stays out this long, it means a "guilty" verdict.

In any case, we'll find out pretty soon. My prediction? Districtular spankage.

UPDATE (Wed., Dec. 7):

People seemed to respond favorably to my UFO photograph. I was talking with a colleague about it today, and I said something about "that UFO," and he said, "Waddya mean 'that UFO'? Doncha know? There were two of 'em!"

Two of 'em? I then remembered that I had taken two photos yesterday, and I hadn't yet developed the second one. For all that I knew, the second photo was of a different "object"! Maybe the second object is even more hideous than the first one!

I ran home and developed the other photo. Here's how it looks in normal size:


You can kinda see the "UFO" right in the middle of the photo. You can't really make it out.

So, naturally, I blew the photo up a coupla more times, and what I got....

Well, let's just say that I'm seriously weirded out:




Good God Almighty!

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Chunk, you are a asshole.

Anonymous said...

Too funny, I mean too funyy. Laugh out loud funny. The UFO, I mean.

Not the voting, not the mold, not the acred report.

Too funny.

Anonymous said...

Look in the sky!
It's a bird!
It's a plane!
No, it's FUENTES MAN!!!!

Anonymous said...

Can you make that into a poster?

Perhaps a holiday card?

Fuentes Man, I mean, not the mold - though - you could do things with the mold. I mean, it could be some kind of wreath.

Anonymous said...

Chunk, you're killin' me! I laughed so loudly that
I frightened my dog, innocently lounging at my feet. HIDEOUS!!! Beautiful in their hideosity!!! Thanks for the best moment of my day.

Your Bud,
Jasper

Anonymous said...

Look at those "voting booths" again! They're clearly alien creatures--check out their nasty little feet! Creepy. Their heads are empty--just like those of select Trustees (and select "anonymous" commenters on this blog)! Gives me the willies!

Anonymous said...

The heads on them flying creatures are seriously ugly. You shoulda shot em down.

Diz Rivera said...

Dude, you caught chupacabra on film.

Anonymous said...

OK..OK..I haven't been a big fan..but, like peanut butter and cornflakes...I'm hooked...this shit is funny..I'd rather see us laugh than bitch about something thats not gonna change...and yes Chuck you are an asshole

Rebel Girl said...

--No, I am "a" asshole, not "an" asshole. Get it right!

But thanks for reading.

Anonymous said...

You're all full of it. Chunk is a angel!

Roy's obituary in LA Times and Register: "we were lucky to have you while we did"

  This ran in the Sunday December 24, 2023 edition of the Los Angeles Times and the Orange County Register : July 14, 1955 - November 20, 2...