Raghu Successorizes

y recent blog inspired various interesting comments by readers about the meaning of Raghu’s notorious "inspirational" posters. I (somewhat sloppily) compared the posters’ messages to Hallmark sentiments and New Age drivel, but some of you saw darkness and menace where I saw tautology, cliché, schmaltz, and mindless cheerleading.

It all got me to thinking: where did these posters actually come from?

I Googled the quotation that’s on the “leadership” poster: “In the end, leaders are much like eagles...They don't flock, you find them one at a time.” That brought me to various business and motivational speaker sites.

Eventually, I found my way to a site called Successories, and I hit pay dirt. It appears that all of the posters in A100’s small conference room are available from Successories (the url is WeMotivate.com).


What is Successories? Well, Successories sells “motivational posters and gifts” to executives. Their “goal is simple…to help you [the business executive] reach yours.” No, not that. Your goals.

According to the site,

Motivational posters and motivational accessories are great gifts for employee motivation…These motivational posters and gifts have the ability to uplift and motivate anybody who reads them…It is a proven fact that you can improve work performance as well as create a truly positive workplace attitude with motivating images and inspirational quotes. (My emphasis)

Successories sells all sorts of stuff—posters, banners, coffee mugs, pens, plaques—but, in the end, the company relies on the power of the allegedly inspirational quotations that are plastered on all their crap.

Successories claims that “anybody” would be uplifted by their quotations. That’s not quite true. No educated person, for instance, would be uplifted by them, for no educated person would fail to see them as clichés or worse. That's the great thing about education. You learn stuff.

Judge for yourself. Here are just a few of Successories’ “inspirational” quotations. I’ve put them in seven convenient categories:

The GOOFY:

• "Only those who see the invisible can do the impossible." (Yeah? What about those who "write the illiterate"?)
• "What lies behind us and what lies before us are nothing compared to what lies within us." (What lies within you guys, evidently, are clichés and goofyisms.)
• "Look deep within, for stars lie hidden in your soul." (Why would stars hide there? And why not a tuna?)

The EXAGGERATED or FALSE:

• "A positive attitude is a powerful force... it can't be stopped." (OK, picture some fool smilin’ into a hurricane.)
• "Our lives are not determined by what happens to us, but by how we react to what happens.” (Yeah, that heart attack didn’t mean a damn thing.)
• "Be unafraid to fail and you will undoubtedly succeed." (Undoubtedly? You ever see American Idol?)
• "A shared purpose combined with a positive mental attitude constitutes an unstoppable force." (—Except when that force meets a still greater force. Don’t be an idiot.)
• “Climb any mountain and believe without a doubt that you will succeed.” (Yeah, at the foot of the mountain, Simon Cowell tells you you stink. That’s when noble certainty starts to carry you to magnificent heights.)
• “Never doubt that blending your talents with those of others can change the world." (Only a weasel would say something like that.)
• "Wisdom is knowing what path to take next…Integrity is taking it." (So when I turn onto Sand Canyon on my way home, I’m revealing integrity? Don’t think so.)
• "Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss it, you will land among the stars." (Stars again. I don’t know about you, but I’ve shot for the moon and hit bupkes plenty of times.)

The METAPHYSICAL/INANE:

• “Every change happens for a reason.” (Yeah, and for every one of us there’s a Perfect Someone—now just go out and find her, you silly man!)


The TAUTOLOGICAL/TRIVIAL:

• "We cannot change yesterday.” (Really? I did not know that!)
• "Teamwork means that we share a common ideal and embrace a common goal.” "Teamwork is the ability to work together toward a common vision.” (You readin’ from a dictionary?)
• "Many things are difficult before they are easy.” (Duh.)
• "Pioneers blaze their paths where highways never run." (Show me just one case of trail blazin’ on a highway, dictionary breath.)

The TOTAL BULLSHIT:

• “You can make the difference." (I like your sweater and pom-poms. Now shut up.)
• “A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events, and outcomes. It is a catalyst...a spark that creates extraordinary results.” (You are an obvious asshole.)
• “…once you've flown past the summit of your fears, nothing will seem impossible.” (You write for TV?)
• “People don't care how much we know until they know how much we care." (Pu-lease.)

The SELF-CONTRADICTORY:

• “What you say and do defines who you are, and who you are...you are forever." (If I can define myself, I can change myself; but if I can change myself, then clearly “I” am not who I am forever, fool.)


The SOCIAL DARWINIAN/PSYCHOPATHIC:

• "Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up. It knows that it must run faster than the fastest lion or it will be killed…every morning a lion wakes up. It knows it must outrun the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death. It doesn't matter whether you are a lion or a gazelle...when the sun comes up, you'd better be running." (Don’t know about you, but I’m more creeped out than motivated by this slop.)
• “There is a second place bowl game, but it is a game for losers played by losers.” (Knute, you’re a psychopath. No wonder America loves you.)

What kind of guy would look through this catalog of kitsch and claptrap and say, “Wow, this is great! We’ve got to get some for our walls!”?

A highly paid “educator,” that’s who!

--One more thing. I’m told that Raghu paid $1,200 to Successorize the conference room. But I checked, and the whole bunch of ‘em shouldn’t have cost more than about $750.

Maybe he took some home for his bathrooms—you know, to inspire the kids. --CW