Sunday, April 26, 1998

FROGUE AMBUSHES A YOUNG CRITIC--WITH HELP FROM THE CHRISTIAN COALITION by Tom (Roy)

Frogue
From Dissent 6, 4/27/98

[“Tom” of South County, a cat, was one of Chunk’s alter-egos. (Roy Bauer)]

by TOM OF SOUTH COUNTY

Got no time for foolin’ around, kitten, but I wanted to tell you one thing before I blow, ‘cuz it offends my sense of justice, and usually I ain’t even got a sense of justice, you know that.

It’s a fact that maybe a dozen former Foothill Froguers have signed affidavits swearin’ Frogue said and did some nasty shit in their classrooms--way back when plus more recently, too. One of those students, Pam B.--she’s 24--is on the Frogue Recall Steering Committee, an’ she’s in charge of roundin’ up these affidavits, among other things, which ain’t easy, ‘cuz nobody wants to get involved--like always, baby.

Well, it turns out that Pam works for some dog-faced fool belongin’ to the Christian Coalition, and that rat bastard found out about Pam and the Recall. So he tells her he’s concerned about her involvement--’cuz he’s a right-wing Frogue-lovin’ asshole or somethin’--and that she should meet with his Christian Coalition pals some time to talk it over with ‘em. She says OK--she doesn’t wanna say “no” to the Boss Man--and he sets it up.

When she shows up to this thing--it’s at some restaurant--she’s amazed to find this rogue’s gallery sittin’ around a table breathin’ heavy Christian breath at each other: Zanelli, Williams, the Boss man, the head of the local OC Christian Coalition, a plastic Big Boy, and Frogue. She couldn’t believe it! It was an ambush at the KK Korral!

But this kitten’s got nerve, baby, and she walks up and says, what’s goin’ on? So they have this pow-wow where Frogue’s sayin’ he never said that shit they said he said, and she’s sayin’, “Yes you did,” and Frogue’s comin’ back with, “Who’s makin’ you tell them lies?”, an’ she’s sayin’, they’re not lies, they’re truth, fool, and you know it!

Well, this thing kept goin’ nowhere--and she had no friends there, baby; they were gangin’ up like dogs—and Pam tells ‘em after a while, “You’re wastin’ my time,” and she up and leaves. That’s one cool kitten. --Take some notes, baby.

Hey, I may be just a cat, but five big butt-ugly dogs barkin’ at one lonely kitten just ain’t right.

Know this, Frog Man: I’m savin’ up some seriously nasty feline fluids just for you.

--MEOW, baby

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