Get ready for "smiley face" buttons!

JUST IN CASE YOU MISSED IT THE FIRST TIME:

● A great moment in Orange County's rich history of weirdness and wonderfulness!

All photos: stills from above video of babe crooning "Stand by Our Tan" at last Saturday's Tan Nguyen rally.

● ALSO, don't forget to read our account of Monday's amazing BOARD MEETING.

It's like an assignment, OK?

● [State] Chancellor Thanks Governor for $5 Million...for...Professional Development

Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger budgeted $5 million to fund the development of community college faculty, staff and administrators, announced Chancellor Marshall (Mark) Drummond….

[Among the] activities determined to be related to educational and professional development[:] ...programs designed to develop self-esteem.

● 18-24 YEAR OLDS POISED TO CHALLENGE MIDTERM ELECTION TURNOUT RECORDS, HARVARD POLL FINDS

● RateMyProfessors: Hidden Camera Edition

● Read Gustavo Arellano's THEIR MAN TAN: Nguyen addresses his true believers.


● The IVC/Nguyen connection(s): Al Tello's wife?

Got any Saddleback College news? Send it our way! -CW

Monday's board meeting: blow by blow

● Surveillance system?
● RAGHU'S stealth agenda item!
● WAGNER on Spain again
● FORTUNE'S legacy?
● A first-rate stadium complex for Saddleback College?
● MATHUR/ADMINISTRATORS caught in a sh*t storm


As promised, here is my “full report” on Monday night’s meeting of the South Orange County Community College District’s Board of Trustees. (See also Tracy's board meeting highlights.)

LARIAT. The board loves Resolutions. Monday night, it “resolved” in various directions, including the direction of honoring Saddleback’s student newspaper, the Lariat, which, evidently, is a finalist for the National Pacemaker Award.

During public comments, the Lariat’s editor carped indecorously that the “division” will no longer be providing the paper its usual $14,000. The powers that be, he suggested, have decided to “punish [those who produce the newspaper] for being successful.”

Someone close to Liberal Arts Division leadership told me today that the student editor is mistaken. We’ll look into it.

SAFE CITIES. During his public remarks, Trustee Fuentes “saluted” the elected leadership and the police of Mission Viejo, Lake Forest, and Irvine. Evidently, earlier in the day, the FBI had declared those cities—especially Mission Viejo—to be among the very safest in the nation. Of course, if the Feds say it, it must be true.

BUT DO THEY EVEN KNOW WHAT "PROFLIGATE" MEANS? During the Saddleback College Associated Student Government’s giggly presentation of their budget, Trustee Wagner grumbled about the ASG’s “criteria and priorities,” suggesting that those standards “will encourage profligate spending.”

SURVEILLANCE CAMERAS:


The Honeywell Corporation then came up to present a semi-slick sales pitch for their super-duper digital “video surveillance” system. I do believe that the name of the man from Honeywell was “Ted Nugent.” He did not have a guitar.

Mr. Nugent explained that he used to sell AC units, but, increasingly, he found it necessary to concentrate on video surveillance equipment, which is hot hot hot. Nugent showed charts and graphs and diagrams. The best thing about the new system, he said, is…“risk mitigation.” Sounds impressive!

At first, I wondered if our benighted board had finally decided to monitor the movements, thoughts, and conversations of every employee and student in the district. But no. It appears that the reason for the Honeywell presentation had more to do with cops’ love of new gadgets to hang on their black leather utility belts than the trustees’ love of control.

Trustee Williams, a former bailiff wearing a hideous tie made from a large American flag that hung down near his knees, indicated that it was he who invited Ted Nugent and the Honeywells.

Trustee Fuentes expressed Libertarian “Big Brother” concerns.

Trustee Padberg seemed to ask: if Mission Viejo is the third safest city in the whole dang country, why the heck do we need all this surveillance equipment?

Williams reminded everybody that, once, in the 90s, an itinerant serial killer murdered a student in the parking lot. Plus, in the 70s, some guy ran amok at Cal State Fullerton.

Williams saved his best argument for last: “we live in an era of surveillance cameras,” he declared.

Trustee Jay yelped that “this is a terribly scary place at night.”

Trustee Lang and Chancellor Mathur reminded everyone that this stuff costs money.


MATHUR CAUGHT RED-HANDED:

Eventually, the board got to item 38: “Academic personnel actions.”


A half hour earlier, some of us detected something strange about the agenda. At the Docket meeting back on Oct. 19—when, supposedly, the Chancellor lists upcoming board agenda items—there was no mention of a recommendation to grant the Chancellor a retroactive (to 7/1/06) COLA. And yet the version of the full agenda available at the district website as of Oct. 30 included the following item:


Trustee Jay moved that item J1 be separated from the rest of item 38. That was approved. Eventually, the board returned to item J1.

Trustee Padberg “objected” to the item. For one thing, she said, why is the granting of a COLA to the district’s chief administrator listed under the heading: “Academic Personnel Actions”? Why does this newly added item refer to a “Raghubansh Mathur”—an unfamiliar name?

Padberg declared that these tactics are an “attempt to hide the item.” We’re paying the fellow “$300,000 a year,” she said, and “he does not need a COLA.”

Trustee Milchiker noted that the proposal to grant Mathur a COLA had come up a few months ago and was rejected by the board. (No, actually, the matter was essentially tabled.)

Trustee Lang, that notorious quisling, argued that, not long ago, every other administrator in the district received a COLA. Fairness, he said, demands that the Chancellor receive one too, even though, of course, the Chancellor makes more money than God. (Leave it to a bean-counter to offer so soulless an argument.)

Irvine Valley College Academic Senate President Wendy G was allowed to speak. She noted the curious circumstance that, at Docket, item J1 was not revealed or included. Between Oct. 19 and Oct. 30, she said, J1 was slipped into the agenda.

Chancellor Mathur commenced looking homicidal. His nose pulsated.


Wendy continued: there’s a “Brown Act” issue here. According to the Brown Act, posted agenda items should inform the public just what the board plans to discuss. How is the public supposed to learn that the board intends to discuss granting the Chancellor a COLA when all that they’ve got to go on is the cryptic phrase “additional compensation” appearing under the heading “Academic Personnel Actions”? (See graphic.)

Mathur’s boy Bob King, who wrote the item, was asked to respond. He seemed to say that the agenda says “additional compensation,” and, sure enough, that’s what is supposed to be discussed: additional compensation—for the Chancellor. So there's no prob.

Williams then argued that Mathur is a “professor”—one who happens to be the Chancellor. And so it is right and proper that his compensation is listed under the heading “Academic Personnel Actions.”

Earlier, Trustee Padberg noted that spelling out Raghu’s first name was unusual and served to further obscure the item. This inspired Williams to now argue that Padberg was making fun of Raghu’s name. “You owe him an apology,” he declared.


Milchiker then suggested that "Raghubansh" “is certainly a wonderful name,” but it has never appeared on an agenda before. Besides, she said, the board discussed this COLA idea before, and it failed. Item 38 “is suspicious to me,” she said.

Trustee Fuentes then suggested that perhaps Trustee Padberg has “difficulty with gentlemen whose names have a foreign origin.” (Fuentes is of Spanish origin, via Mexico. "Fuentes" means "fount of appalling evil" in Spanish. Or not.)

Trustee Wagner turned to Bob King, pressing him on the adequacy of the agenda verbiaage relative to the Brown Act and its requirements. (As you know, the SOCCCD board has a history of egregious Brown Act violation.) Wagner seemed to say that he was turning to King for guidance and that he was not getting any. He noted that the agenda refers to “additional compensation,” and yet section J1 refers, not to additional compensation, but to “compensation revision.”

Wagner seemed genuinely peeved.

In the end, King agreed to rethink the item and make sure that, next time, it is properly agendized.

SPAIN AGAIN:


Items 42 and 43 concerned Saddleback College’s “Spanish language studies” trips to Salamanca, Spain (one in spring; the other in summer). Once again, Wagner (and Fuentes?) were unhappy. The spring trip, said Wagner, is an “extraordinarily expensive program.” He wondered whether the department had considered more than one program provider.

Saddleback President McCullough explained that the division and departments did look at various programs, but the others were found wanting.

Wagner sought information from Dean Kevin O’Connor (Liberal Arts). O’Connor again stated that the department considered several vendors. Evidently, the board’s “$50 million liability coverage” requirement scared off many vendors. (You’ll recall that the board embraced that requirement after addressing the dangers of terrorists and marauding Flamenco dancers in connection with the Santander, Spain program.)

Wagner peevishly bemoaned the $50 million requirement. Apparently, no policy covers acts of war or terrorism. Hence, raising the liability amount failed to accomplish what trustees sought to accomplish.

During this discussion, it became clear that most vendors would not go along with this unusual liability requirement.

If his mouth did not say that the requirement was stupid, Mr. Wagner's face surely did.

Fuentes revived the idea that students should go to Mexico instead of Spain. Trips to Mexico are relatively inexpensive.

O’Connor said that the department hadn’t looked at Mexico. He said he could ask them to do that.


Milchiker explained that Salamanca is a city with an Ancient (Roman and Medieval) past. A visit to a city like Salamanca is nothing like a visit to Mexico. It's a case of apples and oranges.

Saddleback Academic Senate President Bob C reminded everyone that a delay in approving these programs would set them back.

Wagner declared that he was “extremely distressed” by Dean O’Connor’s “screw the board” attitude, as he put it. When the matter of cost was discussed previously, said Wagner, O’Connor said he would look into other options, but he clearly didn’t do that. “This is no way to treat recommendations of the board,” he fumed.

Padberg then suggested that the sort of influence Wagner, as an individual trustee, seemed to want over administrators amounted to “micromanagement.”

Eventually, the trips were put to a vote, and they were approved. But Trustee Wagner then pursued a “reconsideration” of the item.

Wagner seemed to say that he and Trustee Fuentes have concerns, and those concerns have been ignored. They’ve had to endure “silly arguments,” he said, about the inexpensiveness of trips when considered relative to “per day” cost.

In the end, the Salamanca trips were approved.


INDECOROUSNESS, REASSIGNED TIME, ETC.:

Vice Chancellor Serban was supposed to make a computer-assisted presentation of her work in pursuit of “institutional effectiveness,” a matter of great importance, according to the Chancellor. But it was getting late, and this yielded an indelicate effort by some trustees to skip Serban’s presentation as unnecessary. In the end, owing to the importance of the topic (re accreditation, etc.), Serban was allowed to make her brief presentation.

The episode seemed to go down badly with many people in the audience.

Item 49 concerned stipends and reassigned time. You’ll recall that, back in 1996-7, then-Trustee Dorothy Fortune led an effort essentially to do away with reassigned time, the practice of relieving instructors of teaching duties so that they can perform other duties (e.g., chairing departments, writing accreditation reports, etc.). Discussion of 49 seemed to revive this old issue.

Trustee Fuentes reminded everyone that Fortune left two “great legacies,” including “this building” and severe limitations on reassigned time for instructors. He seemed to warn against reversing Fortune’s “great” reassigned time-busting reform.

Wendy noted that the prevailing “reassigned time” policy—which restricts RT to 2% (of?)—was set about ten years ago. But in the last decade, the state has greatly increased demands of accountability, and this has multiplied duties that normally fall to faculty. Sticking with this old 2% rule is not fair to faculty, she said.

Item 51 was a report on “intercollegiate soccer at Saddleback College,” the contents of which Mr. Wagner found wanting. The discussion brought out more Wagnerian peevitude, which seemed to be dumped on Dean L.

Discussion of item 51 led to a discussion of the desirability of a “first rate stadium facility,” something strongly advocated by Trustee Williams and Trustee Jay. Trustee Lang threw cold fiscal waters on that discussion.

In truth, the trustees got pretty snippy, and everybody, I think, was glad when the meeting came to an end.

The R-r-r-r-rest of the Story (Red Emma)

WHILE DIPPING MY MADELEINE into a mug of linden flower tea on Sunday morning, I read Gregory Rodriguez’s op-ed, A letter-perfect political story in the OC, in the LA Times. Mr. Rodriguez works with the New America Foundation, a “non-partisan think tank” (read: a startlingly benign think tank) supported by John D. and Catherine T. MacArthur, god bless ‘em. 

     They are dead, but their work lives on and, no, they don’t actually drive tanks. They give away those “genius” awards. Interestingly, right-wing AM radio cornball Paul “The Rest of the Story” Harvey was once on their board of directors, when he was not shilling for True Value Hardware. Hey, John and Cate and Paul, how ‘bout some support for Dissent? Hello, America! Page two! 

     Anyway, over at NAF, they embrace words like “compromise,” “reform,” and “non-partisan” toward describing their work, and offer programs that show “that Democrats and Republicans can bridge their differences to improve the system,” a clause which begs for so much more assholery than even Red Emma can summon just now. Good grief. Page three! 

     Need more? The big, new thinkers at NAF are all about “Relying on a venture capital approach,” where “the Foundation invests in outstanding individuals and policy solutions that transcend the conventional political spectrum.” I love transcendence. So does Rodriquez, who transcends the obvious. He begins his thought-piece with the telling and perhaps honest confession that he doesn’t know.

“I don’t know what was more disturbing, the lame attempt to suppress immigrant voter turnout in California's 47th Congressional District or the breathless reporting and hyper-indignation that followed it.”

Okay, so here comes another critique of the political status quo and the media, its co-conspirator. “Disturbing” News Flash for some perhaps, but readers of Dissent and of the Situationists, Marshall McLuhan, Neil Postman, Frank Zappa, George Lakoff, the good people at Fairness and Accuracy in Reporting, and your aunt Suzy’s blog will understand the symbiotic relationship between corporate media and mainstream political parties and the “social construction of reality,” right? Transcendence, indeed. It seems Gregory Rodriguez had read, watched, and listened to all the absurd theater from the GOP and Dems alike, including displays of who could be more outraged and shocked and distance themselves from Tan Nguyen, concluding that the Donald Segretti-esque dirty trick wasn’t nearly as relevant as was the media opera which followed, where “plenty of politicos on both sides of the aisle got to prove their benevolence, the media got to show off their high-minded indignation, and nothing, absolutely nothing, was done to alter the political status quo. A perfect story.”

 

     A little too perfect methinked to meself. So Red Emma dipped his cookie in the tea and, instead of resting any longer on his couch, leapt up and emailed Rodriguez, who clearly needs to leap up off of his, asking him to please reconsider. 

     The trick was relevant, it turns out. Where there was smoke, there was Fuentes. That was Sunday. It’s been two days, and G.R., who must occasionally get email, hasn’t responded to my careful, polite observation that he perhaps missed The Point, which I share with you, below. 

     Stand by for…news! 

     Mr. Rodriguez:

I offer two objections to your LA Times analysis today. 

First: indeed, the story, as you frame it, might be a “perfect” example of the media and pundit Spectacle variety, where analysts (as yourself) talk about the shallowness of commercial media and lousy politics, apparently toward reminding everybody of how lost we are. But the part you missed, the real story, is potentially interesting, engaging and difficult. Instead of offering the same tired fatalism, why not do some investigative reporting? Nguyen will be forgotten, but should not be, and you could fix that. 

Doing a little bit of investigation here would deliver to you a story which activists, not journalists, know about and have done their best to document. When we try to get local media to do the work they should be doing, we get the “editor won’t let me” refrain. 

Here’s the story, Mr. R. Check out Dissent the Blog, maintained by faculty and staff of our local South Orange County Community College District (Al Tello’s wife?). Briefly, the woman who was Nguyen’s Campaign Manager, Emilee Tello, is married to the president of one the district’s college foundations, Al Tello (Irvine Valley College Foundation). That person was hired by Thomas Fuentes, former GOP county leader and current SOCCCD member, who took $15,000 as Nguyen’s consultant, which means basically a shakedown so that this “loser” and “rakish” candidate could run against Sanchez. 

Whoever wins, Fuentes gets his piece of the action. This is the same Thomas Fuentes who famously hired poll “guards” to intimidate Latinos. He voted to cancel a study abroad program to Spain after the Spanish government left Iraq. And so on. He represents what they call the Old Guard Republicans here in “conservative” Orange County. 

So, no, the story does not exactly fit the needs of all parties (sic) involved. Only the easy version. 

Second: Yes, Nguyen did not have a chance against Sanchez. But do you imagine that the goofy letters don’t reverberate, and play a larger role, doing their intimidating best vis-a-vis other races, notably the State Senate race between Supervisor Lou Correa and Assemblyperson Lynn Daucher? No possible “ethnic disenfranchisement” outside one small district? C’mon. 

“Nothing, absolutely nothing was done to alter the political status quo” because of the desire of so many journalists to collaborate with the corporate media and mainstream politicos to accept the easy story. You are right. Now please consider following up on this story yourself. 

Yes, “Journalists…determine whether to cover it and from what angle.” How ‘bout it? Give us an angle that challenges the too-easy “letter-perfect” version. 

Thanks. —RE

Andrew Tonkovich

Raghu caught in flagrante delicto

JUST GOT BACK from the meeting of the Board of Trustees of the South Orange County Community College District, and I'm slaphappy!

I'll provide a full report later tomorrow. (I've got that teaching gig that keeps me busy.) For now, I'll just mention the highlights.

Trustee Don "Bull" Wagner was in rare form, peeviosity-wise. He smacked Saddleback College Dean Kevin O'Connor around for a while. Then he dropped him, but he came back later and smacked him around some more. Then he grabbed Vice Chancellor Bob King by his hair and slapped him silly. (The audience cheered that one.) Finally, the brute practically grabbed Chancellor Mathur by his left Goo, suggesting, at one point, that the poor fellow had offered a "stupid" argument!

"With all due respect, that's STUPID!" said Don.

I'm not making this up! (OK, there wasn't any actual slappage.)

Even the delightfully Transylvanian Vice Chancellor Andreea Serban got roughed up a bit, and she hadn't even done anything!

And I'm not even mentioning what Don did to the PE guy! And to Trustee Nancy Padberg!


BUT THAT WASN'T EVEN THE BEST PART! The best part was Raghu P. Mathur's attempt to sneak through that stinky Cost of Living Adjustment (COLA) that he asked for a few months ago but didn't get, owing to some then-fresh atrocity.

You see, back on the 19th, during the big DOCKET meeting--that's the meeting where shared governance groups get to learn what will be placed on the next board meeting agenda--there was no mention of a COLA for the Gooster. It wasn't there at all! But, somehow, between the 19th and the 30th, the wily fellow snuck that item into a section of the agenda concerning academic employees.

Plus, on this abracadabra item, he used his full name (Raghubansh), something sufficiently exotic as to fail to suggest to readers that it had any connection whatsoever to the Raghu P. Mathur whom we all know and love!

Now THAT'S a nice detail. He's the Napoleon of Slime! (When Nancy P tagged Raghu and Co. on this "unfamiliar name" gambit, Williams and Fuentes virtually called her a racist for "making fun" of Raghu's "Indian" name! Ridiculous! said our Nancy. Maybe you don't like us foreigners! said Tom Sluggo, who sported a delightful pink "stand by our Tan" button on his lapel.)

Well, anyway, luckily, some trustees (Padberg, Milchiker) seemed to be clued in, and so the whole greasy hairball unravelled. (N.B.: at IVC, mixing metaphors is a competitive sport.) Within minutes, the board was like a barrel full of nasty little monkeys and weasels, squealin' and scratchin' and hissin'--and wigglin' that barrel all over the room, causing regular people to scatter like roaches.

Like I said, I'll eventually write up a full report tomorrow. Now, like everybody else who attended that meeting, I've got to get a beer or something.

(Boys, for a good time, go to Stand By Our Tan. Rebel Girl sent me the address, and I'm so grateful!)

(Also: Irvine sucks scum, and hopes you don't notice)

Unsafe conditions?

AS YOU KNOW, much of Irvine Valley College looks, well, seedy.

And morale among IVC Facilities & Maintenance workers--or at least among custodians--is in the toilet.

IVC's Director of Facilities & Maintenance, Wayne Ward, is smack dab in the middle of a leadership crisis, for many of his employees object mightily to his management style and conduct, accusing him of unprofessionalism, incompetence, retaliation, and more.

Recently, the CSEA (the classified workers' union) sent a letter to Human Resources, warning that an official grievance may soon be filed against Director Ward on behalf of one worker. As we explained over the weekend, Wayne has decided to switch the worker from the day shift to the swing shift, while switching a current swing shifter to the day. He has made this decision despite knowing the extreme hardship that this change would entail for the worker.


Evidently, such actions need to be justified in terms of how they benefit the college/students, but workers tell us that they know of no such justification for this particular action. Further, the worker has received no indication from Wayne that there is any problem with his work or his conduct.

What gives? About six weeks ago, the worker whose shift is being changed participated in filing an Unusual Occurence Report against Wayne (they assert that Wayne behaved unprofessionally, unjustly accusing them of misconduct and threatening them with firing, etc.).

It is hard to see how Wayne's action in this case could be viewed as anything but retaliation.

(Last summer, a worker requested some days off to get married. The day after Wayne signed the papers allowing the absence, and about a week before the wedding, Wayne informed the worker that he would have to work on that day, his wedding day.

(That time, a union lawyer had to enter the fray.)

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

Since F&M workers contacted us, they've told numerous disturbing stories about Wayne. We've emphasized to them the importance of being factual and of not exaggerating. But they insist that they are not exaggerating, that their stories are entirely factual.

Some of their anecdotes concern safety. Workers have repeatedly told us that Wayne is more concerned about "how he looks" than about the safety of his employees.

Here are two safety stories.

Custodians sometimes use large, heavy, and unwieldy floor cleaning machines, commonly called "buffers," although they are also used for stripping. Weighing about ninety pounds--it takes two people to lift them--they are often operated using a tricky side-to-side motion. That isn't easy. And it's dangerous.

1. Evidently, at one point, one of the workers (who no longer works for the district) arrived to work "very stoned." Nevertheless (say F&M employees with whom we have spoken), Wayne allowed this plainly "stoned" worker to operate one of the hard-to-handle buffers.

He could have been badly hurt, they insist.


2. On another occasion, Wayne instructed workers to use a particular buffer whose motor housing had clearly broken loose, exposing electrical wiring inside. (Evidently, the floor was wet for this job.)

The workers refused to use the buffer, noting the hazard. The unit was supposedly repaired--with duct tape! (See photo.) But the tape did not hold. Again, the workers refused to use the unit. It has now been relegated to the sidelines, labelled as dangerous by employees. (See photo.)

All of us have heard disturbing stories about Director Ward. And now official complaints are surfacing. But many of us here at Irvine Valley College fear that no real effort to look into the complaints will be made. "President Roquemore," some say, "has decided that he likes Wayne. And so Wayne is protected."

After all, they add, other incompetent managers and administrators have been allowed to keep their jobs. Glenn doesn't seem to respond to complaints.

Is that how things are?

Sand in mis zapatos

You say emigrado, I say immigrante,
You say tomahto, I say tomate.
Tomahto, tomate,
Emigrado, immigrante,
Let's call the whole thing off!

WELL, FOLKS, the IVC Spanish department has weighed in on the Tan Nguyen letter—at least a sampling of them has. Rebel Girl did her best to lure her colleagues into her office and then thrust copies of the letter at them. She must report that the letter's prose style isn't impressive in Spanish either.

The verdict? While the writer (aka Sergio Ramirez) may indeed be a native speaker of Spanish, he has issues with his written expression. Also, the writer is most likely a Mexican-American, that is, an American of Mexican descent as opposed to, say, an immigrante or emigrado, or a Cubano or Salvadoreno or una Peruvian—perhaps someone who grew up in the Central Valley in a Spanish-speaking home, someone who became conversant in spoken Spanish but not in written Spanish. Still, the espanol comes in handy when visiting the tourist resorts Mexico has to offer and when presented with an opportunity to translate a letter spiced with racismo.

This view was determined, I think, primarily by word choice—the term emigrado—and a verb form to which the scholars also objected: registrado, I believe.

What does it all mean?

Beats me. I look forward to the day when we know who crafted this thing, though, and we can see how accurate the estimations of my fine colleagues are.

Meanwhile, Rebel Girl herself remains astonished by the vision at the heart of the story Tan Nguyen keeps telling: how, after the hysteria broke out about the letter, he retreated to the shores of the Pacific where, he claimed, he met many Latinos. He approached them and asked them the meaning of emigrado. These Latinos with sand in their zapatos all told him the same thing: an emigrado is a green card holder and thus, in Nguyen's loca cabeza, they exonerated him and his campaign.

I can't help but picture the scene: Huntington, maybe Corona del Mar. Latino families out for the day with Igloo coolers and folding chairs. It's what we call Indian summer here in So Cal. You can still don shorts and tanks tops and not catch a chill. The kids let the waves chase them. Seagulls squawk. Bags of Doritos flutter in the breeze. Los Tigres del Norte play on the boom box. A slight man dressed in a white button down shirt and dress pants stumbles toward las familias. He clutches a crumpled letter, looks harried.

Can you help me, he asks. Can you tell me what emigrado means? Please? Please?

My family would have run away, but in Nguyen's dream, these people stay, welcoming him and giving him a lesson in Spanish 1. Maybe they even offer him a Coca-Cola. The cold silver and red can feels good in his hot hands. Its promise is sweet.

Pobrecito, they think. Poor man, brought low by the liberal media, misunderstood by his own, sold out by a bad translator. They know how it feels.

Isn't America great?

Where one man can create his own reality!



Check out:

Sanchez finds self on terror-watch list

Read down to the part about FRIEND OF FUENTES Chriss Street, OC's Treasurer. Sheesh, does Fuentes have any friends or associates who aren't CORRUPT?

Gallaudet ousts incoming President

Looks like the students got their way--thanks, in part, to the power of the blog.

For one night, good teachers are fabulous

SADDLEBACK'S NORM WESTON IS A FINALIST


OK, so last night I attended the "2007 OC Teachers of the Year" event, held at the swankular Grand Ballroom of the Disneyland Hotel in beautiful downtown Anahelium. At least, that's what I remember doing. I remember large chandeliers high above me. Raghu shook my hand. Mickey danced. Minnie flirted. Was it a dream?

No. There were rich people who showed up to witness their own beneficence. They seemed sincere. But wasn't it 2006, not 2007? It's all so unreal!

I seem to recall talking with an attractive woman. She handed me her card. "OK," I said.


The Masters of Ceremony were real professionals: actor William Allen Young (evidently, he's been on CIS: Miasma and Nip/Tuck) and Maria Hall-Brown (Gawd, she's on the Real Orange!). They stunned me with their ability to savor the sagacity of cliches for three solid hours! "How true!" they'd sigh, heads shaking.

Believe in yourself! Dream big! Play your guitar! Question! Wonder! Dance!

I remember a busty blond who evidently teaches little kids about something. I forget what. The attractive woman to my left said something snide. I smiled. "I'm kinda deaf," I said. "Blah blah blah," she answered. We laughed.

"More champagne?" More laughter.

Saddleback College's Norm Weston was a finalist. They showed a little movie about him. He's casual, yet strict. He knows his stuff. Prez M made an appearance. He looks much better in person, I thought.


The real Rich patted my shoulder. What does that mean? Am I marked for death?

I saw friends from the past: Cely Mora, Kathie Hodge, Wilford Brimley. I was transported to another time--to Villa Park High School, 1972, looking up at the stage, watching "Up With People," wondering how it was possible to be so young and yet so Osmond.

I recall speaking with one of the Heinz 57 honorees, our former Logic instructor, who recently snagged a full-time job up the road. "So, does your dept. chair get any reassigned time?" I asked.

YES OF COURSE. ARE YOU KIDDING?

And Mickey. And Minnie. Dancing! With Peter Morrison! (That could only be a dream. I am certain of it.)

"You'll see," said Gwen. "You'll watch the show and tears will form. It's moving!"

I waited for tears, but all I got was kicks under the table. "Be good!", they said.

And I was. In fact, I am always good.

But, in all sincerity, I'm glad that, in this county, owing to a rich couple, good teachers are celebrated and given an opportunity to experience fabulous cash prizes and 15 seconds of fame.

And to dance with flirtatious Minnie and spout cliches to the rhythm of rubber chickens, fake Jazz, and hurried ersatz fabulousness.

But, really, it was fun. And I mean that.



WHAT'S "UP WITH PEOPLE"? (YOU ASK)

The 60s produced the "counterculture." That in turn produced various reactions, e.g., Up with people

"The happiest most hard-hitting way of saying what America's all about that I have ever seen or heard."

--Walt Disney, on the cover of "Up With People" (the album; 1966)

Up! Up! with people!
You meet 'em wherever you go!
Up! Up! with people!
They're the best kind of folks we know.
If more people were for people,
All people ev'rywhere,
There'd be a lot less people to worry about,
And a lot more people who care!

--Everything UP WITH PEOPLE