Tuesday's board meeting: an interesting but ghastly complexity

Here’s a fuller account (than yesterday's) of last night’s SOCCCD board meeting.

Trustee Tom Fuentes reported the one action taken during the 5:00 p.m. closed session. He didn't mention the contract. Insiders tell me that things have definitely taken a turn for the worse in negotiations.

Trustee Nancy Padberg led the invocation, which began with a brief moment of silence followed by a prayer that started with “Dear Lord, we ask for Your guidance” and ended with “Amen.” In the middle was the usual stuff.

The board is big on bestowing “resolutions” on people, and, this night, the “My Academic Plan” design team got one, and so did IVC’s coach Martin McGrogan. Read all about it in Tracy’s Board Meeting Highlights, which are always recommended. (Tracy knows how to put lipstick on a pig. Me, not so much.)

As I explained last night, only one person—a student, I think—addressed the board during “public comments.” He was worried about second hand smoke and such. The board could not care less.

During board reports, Trustee Fuentes described his adventures at the OC Legislative Task Force, which is chaired these days by Chancellor Raghu Mathur. The latter invited OC Treasurer Chriss Street to the last OCLTF meeting. Yeah, we know what that’s about. Raghu thinks he'll be the governor some day.

Trustee John Williams renewed his threat to pursue “alert systems” and “security cameras.” Everybody groaned. Plus he reported that he, Mathur, and Jim Gaston gave a presentation at the Future’s Assembly. I bet John held up some cardboard.

Trustee Marcia Milchiker went on and on with her report, and so Board President Don Wagner suddenly bleated forth an unpleasant “Time.”

Student Trustee Lee revealed herself to be a Valley Girl or something. She had attended “Homecoming” at IVC, she chirped. There, said she, she got “a lot of free stuff…I got a tattoo on my arm!”

Golly!

Chancellor Mathur continued with his new practice of using his report time to run for higher office. Off he went again opining gratuitously on the state budget situation, which will have a tremendous impact on local schools, he said.

Duh.

“The news is not good,” he added, pointlessly. He looked stern and staunch and disapproving.

Eight or so newly tenured faculty lined up to be photographed by the lovely Tracy. After that, they went out to the hallway to eat cake and drink punch. Wagner, who, until then, had seemed to be either disgruntled or zombified, suddenly became animated and chirpy, blathering about the availability of cake (for board members, but not for the hoi polloi). You shoulda seen these people chowing down right there in front of the great unwashed and unfed.


Rajen and Craig gave remarkably brief presentations on “basic skills.” Wagner virtually told ‘em to mail it in fast and get it over with. Move along, move along!

After the reports, Wagner’s only comment was, “the cake is really good!”

Fuentes asked an unpleasant question about ESL students. Foreigners, eh? Yeah, but they pay big bucks, so shut up, said Trustee Marcia Milchiker.

Then came the curriculum report, which was way snoozy but quick. After Bob Cosgrove’s jocular brevity, Wagner boomed: “You’ve never been that pithy before in your life!”

Biologist Kathy Schmeidler’s report was slightly less brief. Milchiker responded to it by declaring, “I’ve seen you dissect a cow’s heart!” We all laughed. Not with. At.

Fuentes got all right-wing Republican and asked regarding whether students can compare the programs of different colleges. “How does the buyer [i.e., the student] know it’s the same product?” he asked. Then he yammered about “marketing” efforts.

Kathy took it all in stride.

When they got to the Santander, Spain “study abroad” trip, Fuentes pontificated about the board’s commitment to providing students “the best value.” He was referring, I guess, to the various vendors who provide travel and accommodations for this kind of trip.

“The marketplace is the best judge,” he said. Then he voted for the program along with everyone else.

One item concerned bennies and perks for student in the armed services. Predictably, trustees took turns saying solemn and patriotic things about them. Fuentes speechified ponderously about “these young people who wear the uniform of our land.”

—Of our land. Who talks that way? Who does this guy think he is?

Get this. Fuentes nominated Williams for the OCSBA Marian Bergeson Award. As you know, not long ago, Fuentes punished Williams for supporting the faculty union by pretty much destroying Williams’ political career (at least as a Republican).

Williams accepted the nomination. His demeanor exhibited an interesting but ghastly complexity, as though he were offered a glass of fine wine mixed with cat turds.

Wagner blew through the next ten or so items in about a minute flat. It was amazing. You’ve gotta give the boy credit.

They hit a speed bump, though, when they got to the “Retiree (OPEB) Trust Fund.” Naturally, this fund has taken a big hit in recent months (a 17% loss, I think). Trustee Bill Jay suddenly came on like a stockbroker, opining forcefully that the district should get out of “common stocks” in favor of “fixed return.” (I have no idea what that means. I don't wanna know.)

Trustee Dave Lang respectfully disagreed. He got out some beans and counted ‘em. He ate one and then said that we oughta “stay the course.” It was like a TV show.

It was only an info item, so they moved on.

Well, that was about it.

Let Them Eat Cake

Many have pointed out that the PAC building at IVC looks bigger on the outside than it appears on the inside.

There's a discrepancy, some have said, similar to the ones Sherlock Holmes discovered in several of his acclaimed mysteries. A secret room – or in the PAC's case, a hidden floor.

Here's what we know so far: on the hidden upper floor of the PAC building there is a large refrigerated room. You can hear it hum as you enter the building. Listen for it.


In that room is stored an industrial size sheet cake approximately 20 feet by 30 feet in size, bought wholesale from CostCo and charged to the district's credit card.

Whenever there is some kind of celebratory event, say a birthday of note, or a retirement or, in last night's case, the attainment of tenure, a chunk is sawed off the cake, the appropriate slogan is painted on using the array of frosting tubes provided by CostCo, and the cake is then presented to the hungry hordes desperate for something sweet. Yum.


We hear that they got the cake for a good price.

It was, they say, quite a sweet deal.

Stayed tune for more updates about the other hidden rooms on the IVC campus.