Once more with the "new Raghu"

A scorpion and a frog meet on the bank of a stream and the scorpion asks the frog to carry him across on its back. The frog asks, "How do I know you won't sting me?" The scorpion says, "Because if I do, I will die too."


The frog is satisfied, and they set out, but in midstream, the scorpion stings the frog.

The frog feels the onset of paralysis and starts to sink, knowing they both will drown, but has just enough time to gasp "Why?"


Replies the scorpion: "Its my nature."

—The Scorpion and the Frog

The first thing I noticed when I arrived this morning at Saddleback’s McKinney Theater for the CHANCELLOR’S OPENING SESSION was that the coffee was decaffeinated. “You’ve got to be kidding,” I said.

I was a little late, and so when I entered the McKinney apiary, Raghu had already started buzzing. He wore one of his expensive suits plus one of those spiffy headset microphones. He seemed chirpy yet somehow vulnerable.

He was really trying. It was hard to watch.

Raghu introduced board president Dave “changer of men” Lang, who yammered about the need for a “discourse of disagreement in a non-threatening environment.” He did this while the chief source if fear in our particular environment—Chancellor Mathur—stood a few yards away, nodding.

It was perfectly absurd.

Raghu then announced that we were in for a “great treat,” namely, a singer accompanied by a pianist. Tustin’s Robbie Britt then mounted the stage and started singing the Star Spangled Banner, with an American flag projected on the screen behind him.

I was sitting up front—I could count his teeth. So I got the full sonic blast. This Britt fellow is obviously used to warbling in stadiums, cuz he boomed. Not only that, but he gesticulated extravagantly, as though he intended for his expressions to be seen even way out in the cheap seats.

When he finished with the SSB, he boomed forth Irving Berlin’s “America,” in which he added a spoken aside: “America, I love you, America.” I think maybe he’s in some kind of recovery program.

[For info about Britt, go to Robbie Britt Ministries. Among Britt's associates: Robert Shuller and "faith healer" Benny Hinn!]

The pianist, a lady in her seventies, twinkled at me. Meanwhile, Britt directed his singing to an empty spot on the stage to his right. I think one of those flag pins fell off him. I studied Britt's shoes.

When Britt finished, Raghu was clearly moved. “What a team and what a voice! So inspirational!” said Mr. Goo with evident sincerity.


Eventually, Raghu offered some “brief remarks,” in which he focused on two words in our latest mission statement: “diverse” and “dynamic.” For him, said Raghu, diversity is about ideas. Blah blah blah. Plus we must be dynamic. He blathered about “the kind of dynamism that comes from…change.”

The poor fellow was saying that change comes from change. He must have a doctorate or something.

dynamic: Characterized by continuous change

--American Heritage College Dictionary

Raghu trotted out the standard suspect factoids concerning the impact of our district on the county’s economy: citizens of the county get a 17% return on their investment; we generate “1.7 billion dollars” in income. And so on.

He asked President McCullough to stand up. “This is the person,” he explained, “who assists me in providing leadership at Saddleback College.” It was a motif. He said the same thing about President Roquemore and then Park Ranger Kopecky. His assistants.

I bet those guys were pissed. I mean, wasn’t Mr. Goo saying that he, Goo, and not they, provide the leadership around here?

Eventually, we heard from guest speaker Lucy Dunn, the President of the Orange County Business Council. (I looked her up. She’s an active Republican.) A lively and friendly speaker, she explained about the Business Council, which is a kind of meta-Chamber of Commerce.

She explained that Orange County is amazing, commerce-wise. The OC is comparable to the country of Ireland, evidently.

After Dunn finished, the new administrative hire, Andrea Serban, who is very funny, introduced Dr. Warren Johnston, who is also very funny. Johnston focused on the impact of cardiovascular disease, especially on women.

The fellow ended his often hilarious talk with a somewhat outré illustration of men’s lives before and after marriage. This consisted of a picture of a lion humping a lioness—followed by a picture of a lioness apparently intimidating her large but cowering mate. The crowd ate it up. I thought that I had died and gone to my parents' house.

Then we heard from Kathleen Rigol, a nutritionist/dietician who assists obese people before and after bariatric surgery. I think she said that, if you eat one of those "6 dollar burgers" at Karl's Jr., you're likely to die later in the day.

I wonder if she knows that that very burger is the OC Business Council's official nasch!

The crooner and his accompanist came back for two more songs, starting with Louis Armstrong’s “A Wonderful World.” Britt's singing reminded me of Paul Robeson’s, but his movements resembled those of a spasmatic gymnast. A couple of times, I thought he was gonna twirl right off the stage. He sure can sing, though.

Next came the awarding of pins for years of service. I’ve never understood this pin business. I mean, hangin’ around for X years isn’t an achievement, is it? Why not award pins for how many lunches we've eaten? Or how many cars we've owned? So when Raghu finally got to the crew of 20-year faculty, of which I am a member, I ducked out. Whew!

I noticed that Walter Floser was among the 25-year people: I watched him wander up to the stage. He seemed lost. I bet that, later, in the dark, he ate his pin.

Bob Myers got a standing O for his 35 years of service, as did the President of Saddleback College, Rich M. Jeez, people really like that guy. How come he isn’t the Chancellor?


Raghu’s largely successful OPENING SESSION then ended with a slide show that featured beautiful shots of nature marred by ridiculous “inspirational” slogans, including:

Plan for tomorrow
but live for today

And

Life is a drawing
without an eraser

These images were accompanied by a stirring pop song. I spotted Raghu grooving to the beat. In all honesty, I felt sorry for the guy. He can do no better than he does.

Listen, it’s clear that, once again, Raghu is attempting to be kinder and gentler. —Or less preachy. —Or less of a bastard. Or whatever.

But Raghu is what he is.

Like that scorpion.

Monday's board meeting: Goo review

(For some useful background info, you might want to read Mathur vs. women. Raghu would rather you didn't read it, I'm sure. So let that be your guide.)

I attended the regular meeting scheduled for 6:30, but lots happened before that. Here's what I've heard.

The trustees met at 3:00 for a closed session with one agenda item: the evaluation of the Chancellor. That was followed at 4:00 by an open session, which was supposed to comprise the board's "self-evaluation." Nevertheless, some of the Sturm und Drang of the 3:00 "chancellor review" spilled into it.

I'm told that things got mighty heated during the open session(?), with Nancy, Marcia, and Bill taking the anti-Goo position and the "Good Old Boys" (Fuentes, Lang, Williams, and Wagner wearing matching codpieces) taking the pro-Goo position.

Today, a little bird told me that, during this slugfest, Mathur offered advice to the board that sounded like criticism--stuff like "do your homework," "don't micromanage." At least one trustee took umbrage and vented loudly at Mr. Goo. Sure wish I was there.

Then came the regular open meeting, which was supposed to start at 6:30, but that actually started around 7:00.

7:00 p.m.

Something was definitely up as trustees started to appear in the HS hall. Lang looked seriously sheepish, even for him.

Fuentes kicked things off with a prayer: “Let us pray…You, the Creator…please enlighten our minds..."

He even intoned that "we...acknowledge" Him. Jeez, who the hell does he think he is?

1. If God were to exist, then he'd surely zap Tom when he does crap like that.
2. Nobody zapped Tom when he did that crap.
3. Therefore, God does not exist.

By then, Mathur had showed up, and he looked like shit. He seemed to be grinding his teeth. His head was sunk lower than usual into his body; his lower lip drooped impossibly downward. The audience cringed.

PUBLIC COMMENTS:

PUBLIC COMMENTS were dominated by Saddleback College Academic Senate Prez Bob C’s presentation, which comprised an impressive slide-show case for the proposition that, compared to similar colleges, Saddleback College offers miniscule support for the Academic Senate in the form of reassigned time. Here are Bob's graphics:




As you can see, other districts offer more reassigned time for one senate president than our district offers for the whole crew of senate officers.

Jeez, I had no idea we were so special.

Bob announced that he and Academic Senate secretary Margot L would quit, if, by Wednesday, they didn’t receive sufficient reassigned time.

(Update: I heard from Bob at about noon today; he reported that he's been invited to discuss the Reassigned Time issue with the Chancellor. My guess is that Raghu will make an offer, but it won't be good enough, and so Bob and Margot will walk. What'll happen after that is anybody's guess, cuz nobody wants these jobs, exactly because they don't come with nearly enough reassigned time.)

(And what about IVC's Academic Senate officers? They need just as much support in RT as SC senate officers!)

BOARD REPORTS:

During BOARD REPORTS, several trustees opted to say nothing, which is always for the best. Fuentes congratulated Milchiker, Wagner, and Padberg on their “reelection” in November. Turns out, since no one filed to run against these three, they automatically win.

I’m not sure who it was, but somebody actually called the no-election situation a “vote of confidence” in these candidates. Don't think so.

During his report, Lang, looking supremely uncomfortable, actually referred to the previous closed (and open) session “evaluation” of the Chancellor. He seemed to feel the need to say something positive about Raghu, so he scraped up something like, “well, I’ve gotta say, Raghu works real hard. Plus he’s very organized. You should see his pencils.” (Well, he didn't mention pencils.)

Jeez.

That reminds me of the great Andy Griffith episode in which Clara is asked to evaluate Aunt Bea’s hideous homemade “kerosene pickles," of which she is so proud.

“Nice,” says Clara, cringing.

“Pleasant and nice.”

Upon praising Mathur's "hard work," Lang referred cryptically to “difficulties” concerning Mr. Goo's performance that arose during the evaluation discussion. These, he said, would be “recognized and addressed.” Looks like we'll be seeing the "New Goo" again.

Mathur continued to look exsanguinated. He started to sniff the air a la rodent.

Item 17 was an information item concerning the ambitious Board Policy/Administrative Regulation review initiative, which has been going on for two years. IVC’s Senate Prez, Wendy, noted that Vice Chancellor Gary Poertner and his assistant Cheryl have done a “fabulous job” guiding the review process. She said that Gary really has a knack for working with people. Owing to him, all sides compromise.

In other words, Gary's good with co-workers and underlings, unlike some people we know.

Everybody stared at Mr. Goo, the 500-pound kerosene gherkin.

Item 18 concerned the district logo. Once again, it was Nancy Padberg (tradition!) versus Marcia and John (modernity!). Tracy Daly's slide show revealed that, really, there’s no clear tradition to uphold, since the district has been monkeying with the logo since 1967. First there was some goofy red heart. Then there was some seashore scene. Then there was a crest, but that was taken by Saddleback College, etc.

Based on the evidence--projected on the screen above us--the SOCCCD is not real hot in the Logo designing department. This latest logo looks pretty good I guess, especially if you like oranges and the color blue.

Ultimately, Nouveau Logo was approved, despite Nancy’s dogged objections. Fuentes and Jay voted with Nancy. They didn't say why.

THE BIG "GLORIA LAYOFF" SHOOTOUT

Then came the big issue of the night, which concerned the layoff of a classified employee in Raghu's area, up on the third floor of HS.

Near as I can figure, here are the facts. There’s been an effort to cut costs at the district level. Mathur chose to do so in his area by laying off Gloria, who was “Secretary to the Chancellor.” Evidently, she worked with the likes of Donna Martin and maybe Rubina, Goo’s sentry-secretary. She worked up in that area, anyway.

Now, I’ve been told by reliable sources that Raghu doesn’t like Gloria or he doesn't like her work. That she was chosen to be laid off may or may not be a problem. But it looks like another problem here is the manner in which Raghu let her go. He did not consult with others who work in the office: people like Donna Martin. He did not consult trustees, who, evidently, work with her, too. He just laid her off in his customary arbitrary imperial manner.

Evidently, upon making his decision ( a while back), Mathur called Donna, who had been away for a couple of weeks. As many of you know, Donna is the consummate professional. She attends all board meetings, where she unfailingly comports herself admirably. Everybody likes and respects her. She's like an institution or something.

So Mathur called Donna to inform her about what he had decided. Donna was caught off guard by the surprising news. According to Donna (and who are you gonna believe?), Mathur did not ask her for her input about the decision. She was being informed. She thanked him for that.

Anyway, last month, the board acted on Raghu’s recommendation to lay off Gloria. Gloria loved her job, and so she was upset by the action. People started getting pissed off.

Last night, it became clear (I guess) that the process that was used in this case--starting with Gloria's layoff--put "the cart before the horse," as people kept saying. Last night, the board was asked to eliminate the position that Gloria held, having already laid off Gloria a month ago. For reasons I don't understand, that was ass-backwards. So that was one issue.

There's another issue. You’ll recall that, at the last meeting, Mathur had recommended that he be given a $20K raise plus a COLA. Now, as it stands, he has a quarter million dollar salary, the highest in the state system. He was asking for all this moola at the same time that he was cutting costs in his office by laying off the much-liked Gloria. So the shit hit the fan. "Wadda creep," people were saying.

HEAT

Last night's discussion over whether to eliminate Gloria’s position (as Secretary to the Chancellor) was often very heated. Padberg led the chorus of complaint. This is the wrong place to make cuts, she said. Sure, make cuts, but not here.

Williams asked if maybe Gloria likes her new job? Well, nope, Gloria loved her old job, said Connie Z.

Reference was made to a pending report being written by the Chancellor concerning whether the elimination of the position and the layoff of Gloria made sense. So some trustees insisted that the board wait for the report before taking any action.

Ah, but there was a problem: as things stood, unless the board took some kind of action, Gloria would become literally unemployed. It was a mess.

Now, in the middle of the discussion, Donna Martin, who seldom speaks unless spoken too, raised her hand. She said, “we were never consulted” about the layoff of Gloria. "The rug was pulled out from under us."

She noted, too, that Mathur's layoff of Gloria implied that she, Donna, was not working hard enough. She took offense at that suggestion.

Marcia then opined that, when you take this sort of "layoff" action, you should consult people. It’s the "nice thing to do."

At that point, Mathur spoke up. He explained that he had called Donna to “inform” her of his decision, though he "did not have to." He then claimed that, during the phone call, Donna repeatedly said that she “supported” Raghu's decision.

Not so, evidently. Many of us have been "Raghued" in this way, and it ain't easy. Donna couldn't stand it. So she started to explain: “[No], I thanked you for calling me….”

“Please don’t interrupt me!” barked Mr. Goo. Mathur then nastily noted that this "layoff" business is a big deal only because Donna doesn't like it and she has “the board’s ears.”

“That’s not true,” said Donna. Mathur gave her the stink eye.

Raghu was acting like a jerk. Evaluate THAT, why doncha?

Soon, trustee Fuentes launched into one of his standard tirades: “Where does the TAXPAYER come in on this?”

(Remember that guy in W.C. Fields’ It’s a Gift: "kumquats! I want kumquats!" --Tom had that kumquat tone, bigtime.)

But Lang cut him off. That was too bad, cuz Tom's tirade looked like it was gonna be a doozy.

Marcia eventually pointed out that the district had reserved nearly $700,000 to pay for the November trustees election. But, now, there will be no need for the election. So there's 700 grand that's just dropped into our laps. What about that?

Yeah, what about that, said Nancy.

The notion that Mathur is a greedy bastard from hell (I'm paraphrasing) came up. At one point, Mathur explained that everybody got a COLA but him.

The fellow was saying that he is unfairly underpaid.

In the end, the board decided to take an action the upshot of which was that the wisdom of Mathur's action re Gloria and eliminating her position is yet to be decided. In the meantime, Gloria will be an employee at her new job at IVC.

Re Raghu's colorful history of conflict with administrative assistants, see The Clock Tower Incident.

ACCREDITATION REPORT

Next came acceptance of the drafts of the Accreditation progress reports. Very recently, Mathur had read the drafts and decided that they weren't sufficiently pro-administration (or pro-trustee or pro-Satan). So he sent a big incoherent mess of verbiage and told the chairs to include it in the report. To an extent, the draft writers complied, and so that's how we got these drafts.

Marcia questioned some of the newly added elements. They seemed designed to make the board look bad (by chronicling board inaction, month by month). As she explained to people later, she was also thinking: and they make you (Raghu) look good.

Both Saddleback College and Irvine Valley College's drafts were accepted for review and study.

CHANCELLOR FRIED

Item 30 concerned the "district offices evacuation protocol." I pretty much went into a coma when we got to that one. I seem to recall Bill Jay fretting endlessly about how there might be trouble opening a door to get away from a fire. Others tried to reassure him, but that didn't take. (You should see Tom's face when this sort of thing happens. He and Don snicker like punk kids at the back of Miss Frump's classroom.)

So that brought us to the highlight of the evening. Toward the end of discussion of item 30, Bill said something like this:

Well, I just don't want to read a headline one day that says, "Chancellor fried in lobby of 3rd floor!"

Everyone roared. We were suddenly having a good time and feeling, well, love. Tom Fuentes even walked up to me and gave me a big wet one.

Well, no. It was more like Jay said something that was too goddam funny. You had to be there, boy. Sheesh!

See also Tracy's highlights.