No-bidsville: same old same old

Tom Fuentes with boss, Ron Caspers, c. 1973

     Just read Frank Mickadeit’s column in the Reg. He reports that the public relations firm Forde & Mollrich will be losing their lucrative contract with the Great Park:

     Over the weekend, Councilman Jeff Lalloway gave me a copy of the memo he will send to the [Irvine] city manager this morning calling to immediately terminate the contract that guarantees F&M at least $600,000 a year and allows it to make up to $900,000.
     Lalloway's memo will place the termination vote on the Jan. 8 City Council agenda. Lalloway also will be asking his fellow council members to terminate a $201,000-a-year contract with Great Park lobbyist Townsend Public Affairs.

     This, of course, was the inevitable result of the election outcome in November, when Larry Agran lost to Steven Choi for Mayor and also lost his “majority” on the Irvine City Council. It was a stunning defeat.
     F&M enjoyed a no-bid contract, and that’s what irked Mickadeit:

     I've railed about this contract for years. It's not the product I groused about – everything I saw looked very professional. Rather it was that nobody else ever got a chance to bid on it. My files show that I was questioning F&M's contract back in 2005 when it was a mere $564,000. At the peak of the absurdity, the contract was up to $1.5 million a year.

     You’ll recall that the “Forde” of F&M is the dirty trickster and Super Crony so intimately involved in the rise of Ron Caspers to political office (Board of Supervisors) in 1970. A young Tom Fuentes ran Caspers’ ugly campaign and soon became Caspers’ chief assistant at the county and even an employee at his S&L. In 1974, Caspers perished in a mysterious boating accident off the coast of Baja. Fuentes was slated for Caspers’ replacement until a residency requirement nixed the deal.
     Fuentes was supposed to be on that ill-fated boat trip but ultimately declined the invitation, though he did provide a cooler full of goodies for his boss.
     Another person invited to join the trip was another Supervisor's aide, Lyle Overby, who jumped ship after its first leg (at Cabo).
     He must feel like a lucky guy.
     Overby, too, has flourished. He’s a top lobbyist.

     Three days ago, the Reg’s Watchdog reported that

     Two political action committees with links to CR&R Waste and Recycling Services have spent thousands to re-elect public officials who supported lucrative contracts with the company, public records show.
     …[They] spent more than $33,000 to support—and on one occasion oppose—candidates running for the Costa Mesa Sanitary District and city council seats in Rancho Santa Margarita and Tustin.
     Most of the money went to support incumbent candidates who voted on CR&R contracts during their most recent terms in office, according to public records. The candidates voted to maintain or extend the trash hauler’s contracts without opening the process to bidding [my emphasis]. These two contracts have so-called evergreen clauses that automatically renew for terms of five or six years, without additional votes or competitive bids.
. . .
     “It’s not illegal, but in my mind it just shows the influence of campaign money on the governmental process,” said Bob Stern, president of the Center for Governmental Studies.

     Who do you suppose CR&R’s lobbyist is?

     Lyle Overby, a registered lobbyist for CR&R who had links to both PACs, also said campaign contributions were unlikely to influence public officials’ votes.
     “These tiny amounts of dollars don’t buy anybody,” Overby said.

     But there’s more:

     Along with his work as a lobbyist for clients including CR&R, Overby served for more than a decade as treasurer for the Committee for Improved Public Policy, a PAC funded in part by contributions from CR&R.
     The trash company contributed $25,000 to the Committee for Improved Public Policy between April 1 and June 30, campaign finance records show. Overby gave the committee $8,000 in independent contributions.
. . .
     The committee also contributed $7,500 to another PAC, Concerned Californians for Effective Government, campaign finance forms showed. Overby gave Concerned Californians for Effective Government $5,000 in June.
     Contributions from Overby and the Committee for Improved Public Policy accounted for more than half of the$17,946 Concerned Californians for Effective Government brought in between Jan. 1 and Oct. 20, records showed.

     Et cetera. Ad nauseum.

SEE ALSO

• Fuentes, Michelena & Overby: plump mosquitoes from the same swamp
• The corruption files: early seventies (Fuentes, Michelena, et al.)
• Tommy Tales: lobbying plus piety. Genius!

Look, Kitten

     Got this from GB. Don't know where he got it.

     Years ago, I'd call myself a feminist, 'cuz I believed in equal pay for equal work, the ERA, etc., but I kept running into women who objected mightily to any man (or just me?) self-labelling himself thus. I think the idea was that you have to pass some special test (involving humiliation and self-flaggelation) to have permission to call yourself that (but only when accompanied by the appropriate female handler).      

     "OK," I thought. "But you gals sure are prickly."

     I still consider myself a feminist, but I keep it to myself.

     OK, Kitten?

     But, in all seriousness, I can see a point in distinguishing between two divisions in an army such as feminists. There are, first, the malficiaries© (you know, opposite of beneficiaries) of sexism and the like. They do have a special moral authority by virtue of being women—i.e., the damaged party. The corresponding point about moral authority was made, long ago, by black abolitionists. But the latter crowd was generally friendly to and even grateful for non-black supporters. 

     It's certainly true that non-malficiary supporters are vulnerable to unconscious condescension, and it makes sense for the army to maintain mechanisms to identify and correct such attitudes among supporters. 

     But generosity, too, is a virtue; and meanness is a vice.

     Re black abolitionists: Quoting Frederick Douglass:

From Abraham I. Melden's Rights and Persons. Melden was among my mentors.

Hotel Laguna, 1920s

(Photo courtesy Orange County Archives)

Since the modern Hotel Laguna was built immediately north of the Cafe Las Ondas c. 1930 (above: on the spot to the right), this photo must have been taken earlier. Note the pier. It was built in 1896. By the early 30s, it was very rickety, and the city contemplated removing it. A large storm finally took it completely away in 1939. See "detail" photos below

Detail #1 - The ground appears to be covered with gravel (sawdust?)

Detail #2

Detail #3

1932 (compare with above)

(Photo courtesy Orange County Archives) Hotel Laguna, c. 1930. 
This looks "south" more or less to the same spot as the top photo above looks "north."

OC schools: just saying "nope" to the NRA

"Poof"

NRA stance too simplistic, O.C. school officials say (OC Register)

     Local school districts call the National Rifle Association’s position on protecting students from gun violence impractical.

"Yup"

     …[However,] Anna Bryson, a trustee for Capistrano Unified [and past recipient of Education Alliance* campaign contributions], the county's second-largest school district, said she examined the NRA's stance Friday with great interest. She's an NRA member and grew up in a household of gun owners.
     "We have made schools gun-free zones, weapons-free zones, and all of the people who have evil intent are aware of it," Bryson said. "I don't think that people with evil intent should have that comfort level. If they walk through our doors, they should be wondering, 'Is there someone there who could harm me first?'"....

     *Education Alliance: you remember them! Don Wagner is on their governing board! EA received their start-up money from loony Howard Ahmanson, Jr., the late Tom Fuentes' old pal. Executing gay people is OK with Howie, it seems.

Scenes from a Xmas Day

Niece Catherine, age 5
Catherine is an interesting kid, very sweet, very shy. She seems to specialize in a kind of hyper-sensitivity, which resembles the curious reputed sensitivities of well-to-do Victorian women (a sort with which young Cat is wholly unfamiliar). She had received a Furby as a gift, and the dang thing commenced saying slightly snippy things to her, and so she started to cry. Mom and dad explained that the critter meant no harm. She seemed to accept that. You can reason with this little girl.

Reggie, the SuperPup, age 5 months
At one point, young Reg was segregated from all the other kids, owing to a play they were presenting to the adults, but poor Reg felt left out and thus, after one or two minutes, emitted plaintive woofs from underneath the dining table. Poor little guy.
I gave 'em three pork bones for Xmas. He loved 'em.

The twins: Catherine and Natalie (age 5)
Actually, Natalie is two inches taller

Nephew Adam (8), his cousin Liliana (9), and Reggie

The twins, their dad, grandpa

Young Reggie: just one of the kids

Niece Sarah
I watched her, then told her, "You've got big sister ways, Little Girl." "Waddya mean?" she asked. "Well, you're bossy, like your Aunt Fannie." She really thought about that. I don't think she liked being noticed like that.
But she's a great kid, kinda my fave.

Mom and the grandkids: Adam (8), Sarah (10), the twins (5)
Annie and I had given Adam a cool & pricey RC dune buggy, but he showed zero interest in that, devoting his entire attention to some goofy little blob of a doll based on an "Angry Bird." What? In mock peevishness, I commenced referring to all those dang "Angry Turds." I got ahold of one of the kids' Furbies, which (I was told) can learn a name if you yammer it at it long enough. I grabbed the thing and told it "Angry Turd, Angry Turd, Angry Turd." Susan, the kid's mom, caught me doing it. Dang. 

Sister Annie (aka Aunt Fannie) with Catherine.
Sister Annie is into kid tossing, not so much kid catching

Busy, busy little girls

Passing

     Yesterday, the OC Reg’s Martin Wisckol gave us his take on O.C.'s top political stories of 2012.
     Wisckol’s story #1, of course, was the rise of the county Democrats--or at least the continued decline of the county Repubs:

1. GOP advantage narrows. Democrats' share of the county electorate has remained around 32 percent since 1996, but Republicans' share has continued its steady decline from 56 percent in 1990 to 41 percent for the November election. Unaffiliated voters now account for 23 percent of the county's voters. Six of the county's 34 cities are now Democratic – Republicans lost two more this year – and Irvine is on the verge of becoming the seventh.

Story #2 is the further unfolding of the inevitable:

2. Latinos, Asians vote Democrat. Helping fuel the narrowing gap between parties is the growing Latino and Asian electorate. Nationwide, 73 percent of Asians and 71 percent of Latinos voted for Barack Obama. In the state, 79 percent of Asians and 72 percent of Latinos voted for Obama. In the county, there were no extensive exit polls but the five most heavily Latino cities, including one with more Republicans than Democrats, voted for Obama. And the four most Asian cities favored Obama despite all having more Republicans than Democrats.

Story #6 was the death of Trustee Tom Fuentes, a man associated with both the dominance of the GOP in OC and the party's failures (e.g., persistent alienation of Latino voters), leading to its decline:

6. Fuentes dies. Tom Fuentes, chairman of the county GOP from 1985 to 2004, saw the party's dominance rise and fall during his reign. Beloved by some, detested by others, Fuentes stepped down amid shrinking voter share and increasing criticism. He died May 18 of cancer at age 63.

Typical of the kinds of looks Fuentes

shot my way over the years.

     It is interesting that some of Fuentes' supporters, including some family members, speak of Tom's capacity for love. I do not doubt that he had that capacity, but he is one of the few people I have known about whom it cannot be doubted that he carried with him always a list of those people and kinds that he hated. (I suspect that, for him, I was not among the latter group; it always seemed to me that I amused him more than bothered him. But who knows.)

     CONDOLENCES. DtB wishes to join others in expressing condolences to Nancy Padberg and family over the passing of her husband, Tom.

Who are the gun nuts?

Above graphic from yesterday's Political profile of gun owners in the OC Register.

     Thirty years ago—at about the end of the Carter administration—Republican, Democratic, and Independent households owned guns at essentially the same rate: about 50%. Since then (according to an article in yesterday's OC Reg), things have changed dramatically.
     Not among Republicans: a slightly smaller proportion of Republican households now own guns (still about 50%)—but the rate has essentially remained flat. Meanwhile, among Independent and especially Democratic households, gun ownership (per household) has plummeted to under 30%. Among Democrats, it has declined to just over 20%.
     I draw two conclusions. First, that gun ownership is in rapid decline in the U.S.
     Given the large number of guns sold, it appears that gun owners buy more guns than they once did. There's fewer people buying more guns.
     That brings me to my second conclusion: that lots of members of the G.O.P. are fuckin' nuts.

If you haven't seen this, you should. (Pratt is the Ex. Director of Gun Owners of America. Evidently, Morgan is no fan of the organization.)
 

From the Washington Post

The GUARDIAN explains the end of the world (Earth) HERE. Pay attention. It's all very scientific.

Still more—HERE—on the fate of the universe. Nobody really knows.

Kitten meth

     Dropped by my folks' place this morning, but they weren't home. I used my key to enter the house and found Bugsy the kitten standing in the middle of the place—evidently happy to see me, or someone.
     He seemed to want something from me. Play time? I headed over to his turbo toy and tried to get him interested in its rolling white ball. I rolled it, and, soon, he came on over to watch. At first, he lay under a nearby end table, safe from my clutches. (He's still a skittish little fella.) So I slid the turbo thingy closer to him, launched that ball around, and, bit by bit, he got excited about it. The darned guy can't help himself. We played. Together.

      A coupla days ago, my sister Annie came by and used a little laser light to shine a dot of red on the rug. Bugsy immediately scrambled for it. Naturally, he went nuts. Cat people know how nuts cats can get with such toys, but my folks are really dog people, and they've never seen such unbridled enthusiasm. They figured Annie was killing their cat, maybe causing him to have a heart attack or something. They told her to cut it out. She relented, more or less, but not before squawking like she does.

      Well, maybe mom and pop are on to something, 'cause that Bugsy had laser beams on the brain for the next hour of so. I tried to get him interested in his turbo toy, but he was all twitchy and nervous in hopes (if that's the word) of spotting that damned red dot. "Gotta have that red dot; gotta have it now," his body language seemed to say. "That's no way to live, Little Man," I said. I told my sis to leave her stupid laser at home next time. It's like she was selling meth and messing up feline youth.

      That fool Bugsy got himself into trouble three or four days ago when my mom found him "screaming"—mom's word—from inside the goddam Christmas tree. The little guy had climbed up into the tree and then managed to get tangled in all those stupid green wires. My mom didn't know what to do: she kinda freaked, I think, and then my dad showed up and tried to yank the kid out of the tree. (My folks sure can be helpless, now that they're older.) But, like I said, my folks aren't cat people, and they didn't know about the "spinning ball of razor blades" phenomenon, so familiar to cat people (a scarred and gnarled bunch). Bugsy, said my dad later, was doing the ol' "slice 'n' dice" when he tried to grab the little fella. Nevertheless, somehow, dad snapped the right twigs and branches and that knucklehead suddenly came flyin' out of that tree.
     Later, my sister and I rolled our eyes when we were told about this episode. "Next time, just get a towel or something and wrap it around your hand and arm. Cat panic is dangerous but it's manageable."
     We know cats.

     The Bugster seems to have bounced back quickly from that sorry episode. Today, anyway, he was his cute and playful self. He was back to playing with that ball in that turbo thingy, too. He and I batted the ball back and forth. Then Bugsy got all "commando": he'd jump on the white ball to stop it from spinning; then he'd run furiously over to the nearby couch, frenetically finding his way under the blanket that covers it. He'd squirm around under there and then poke his head out from funny places. That stuff makes me laugh every time.

     Took these pics. He sure is one cute kid.

Camera Eye

 3:00 p.m.: from the hills above Orange, looking toward Catalina Island

9:50 p.m.: going up Harris Grade (near Cook's Corner)

9:55 p.m.: the road to my place (inverted)

Have a nice day

End of the World - coming soon [Update: guess not]

According to R. Scott Moxley, Tom Fuentes was a freakin' spy

Check it out: 
Tom Fuentes: Secret Agent Man? [Moxley Confidential]

Once-classified FBI files reveal the ex-Orange County GOP boss snitched for the feds and sought foreign lobbying deals

Derek Reeve wants to arm teachers

     Our old “friend” Derek Reeve—a SJC City Councilman, and, until recently, a Saddleback College Poli Sci adjunct—is back in the news!

Let teachers carry guns, San Juan councilman says (OC Reg)

     The Reg tells us that Reeve, “A San Juan Capistrano City Council member[,] is calling on local schools to increase security and suggests arming 'willing staff, teachers and/or parents.'"
     So he wrote in a letter he sent to Capistrano Unified School District officials today.
     The Reg quotes him as writing

"As a father of two school-age sons and as an elected official representing the good people of San Juan Capistrano, I am quite concerned regarding the health and safety of our most vulnerable members of our community, our children … Efforts must be taken to empower teachers, staff and parents to protect our children."

     The district has responded:

Capistrano Unified Superintendent Joseph Farley responded Wednesday[:] … "Like school districts everywhere, we're getting lots of well-intended suggestions and ideas on how to increase students' security and safety in school. While we appreciate the councilman's interest in this topic, we will not entertain any proposals to have staff members carry firearms…."

     Reg reporter Josh Francis notes that

Reeve has advocated for guns in the past. In 2011 he presented a resolution to the council to relax gun restrictions in San Juan and allow the open carry of unloaded weapons in city parks. The resolution failed.

     You’ll recall that, a year or so ago, one of the local “Patch” publications determined that many of Reeve’s submissions, which Patch had published, were heavily plagiarized. Reeve defended his right-wing writings (he's a Tea Partier) and seemed disinclined to acknowledge error.
     At the time, Reeve taught Political Science for both Concordia University (in Irvine) and Saddleback College. Soon after Reeve’s liberal borrowings were revealed, Concordia fired him.
     Meanwhile, Saddleback College seemed to take no action. In fact, however, by Fall (2012), Reeve's name no longer appeared in the Saddleback College schedule of classes. Neither does it appear in the Spring 2013 schedule. (On the other hand, Reeve still appears on Saddleback College's faculty web pages directory. I just checked. See also his still-posted SC faculty profile.)
     At one point, Reeve drew much attention to himself when he bragged, at a City Council meeting, that he had named his dog “Muhammed.” Among Muslims, the dog is considered an "unclean" animal.
     Many took offense to Reeve's remark. He did not apologize, instead claiming that his action of naming his dog after the Islamic prophet was intended as some sort of lesson for his children.

     For more on the curious Derek Reeve saga, see HERE.

     OC corruption continues: More Quiet Transfers of County Staff Trigger Questions (Voice of OC)

Struggling City College of San Francisco Plans Layoffs and Pay Cuts (Chronicle of Higher Education)

The college, which is fighting to retain its accreditation, needs to enroll roughly 3,000 students for the spring semester or risk losing $6.5-million in state support. Beginning in January, the college plans to lay off nearly three dozen clerical workers, and will also cut 20 to 30 part-time instructors and 18 part-time counselors from its payroll.

Seen this?

The money behind the Newtown massacre (Fortune)

By Dan Primack - December 17

One way to reduce mass shootings is for big institutions to stop funding the assault weapon manufacturers.

     FORTUNE – Do you know who owns more than a 6% stake in the maker of .223 Bushmaster rifles, like the one used last Friday to murder 20 first graders and seven adults in Newtown, Connecticut? California public schoolteachers.
     The company in question is Freedom Group, a privately-held firearms conglomerate formed by private equity and hedge fund group Cerberus Capital Management. Cerberus created the platform in April 2006 via the acquisition of Bushmaster, after which it added another 10 makers of firearms, ammunition and accessories (including Remington, Marlin Arms and Barnes Bullets).
     The California State Teachers' Retirement System (CalSTRS) committed to invest a whopping $500 million into a $7.5 billion Cerberus fund that has helped bankroll Freedom Group. That means that it effectively could own a 6.67% stake in the gun maker, which filed to go public in late 2009 before pulling the offering in early 2011. In fact, the figure could be even higher since CalSTRS also committed $100 million to a $1.4 billion predecessor fund, which likely made the original investment.
     [Update: CalSTRS said Tuesday afternoon that it owns 2.4% of Freedom Group, and I have requested an explanation of how they arrive at that figure.]….

SEE ALSO California teacher pension system invests in maker of gun used in Newtown, CT shooting (OC Watchdog)

SOCCCD BOT meeting: the return of Don "Boom Boom" Wagner

Don "Cannon-mouth" Wagner was on hand to swear in recently-elected trustees

     [Be sure to check out Tere's Board Meeting Highlights. Oddly, her notes make no mention of Don Wagner's appearance.]
     It's a cold but clear night here in delightful Mission Viejo, CA—at Saddleback College, home of the Gaucho, that seriously misplaced South American cowboy.
     It's 6:32 and, shiver me timbers, I do believe I see DON "MAFIA MOUTH" WAGNER about ten feet to port, yuckin' it up with the usual pre-meeting crowd.
     Aha! The trustees have commenced entering the Bonzo Room, so the meeting will likely start within the next five minutes or so. I see Poertner, Prendergast, --nobody else yet. Poertner peels off to go talk to the Wag Man. Maybe Don's here tonight to see the installment of Tim Jemal as trustee. As I recall, Don, plus quite a few moderate and liberal sorts, supported Jemal's candidacy. Go figure. I'll have more in a minute.
     6:38 - OK, I've spotted Dave Lang, Marcia Milchiker, and Jim Wright. Bill Jay is among the living, it seems. There's Jemal, with a snazzy yellow tie. And Nancy Padberg, who spotted an old friend in the audience. Let's get this show on the road!

Oddly, there is no mention of Don Wagner's swearing in recently-elected trustees in the official Board Meeting Highlights.

     *&%$#!!! My laptop crashed—and so I’ve got to do some fast catch-up.

     The resolution was for Rob Merritt, a TV newscaster with channel 6 (since 1969!). Evidently, this fella has long interviewed trustees after board meetings—for Seizure World TV—and so he’s a familiar face, at least among trustees. Blah, blah, blah.

     Next: the swearing in of recently-elected trustees: Wright, Lang, Jay, and Jemal. Tim Jemal asked Assemblyman Don "Low Blow" Wagner to come down to swear in this crew, and so here he is. Don does a fine job, and he doesn't even piss off any Italians. Supervisor Todd Spitzer is also on hand, waves hello. Jemal introduces his whole family, who soon head for warmer climes.

     At this point, the board is in the midst of its yearly “organizational meeting.” They’ve rolled over the top three offices: President, VP, and Clerk. The board approves this new regime unanimously, so it’s Nancy Padberg as Prez, TJ Prendergast as VP, and Marcia Milchiker as Clerk—for another year.

     Etc.

     Now they’re opening the “facilities corporation meeting.” Nobody cares.

     Public comments: none, of course.

Board reports:

Bill Jay: it's a joy to work with all of you who show up to board meetings. (I felt proud, or foolish.) Special thanks to Rob Merritt, the Laguna Hills TV guy
Tim Jemal: proud to be a member of this body.  Etc.
Marcia Milchiker: as usual, Marcia has too much to say and not enough time to say it, so she chirps rapidly. She’s taking accounting at Saddleback! “As you know," she said, "I have a degree in biology.” Expresses appreciation of the nursing students. Chatters. Staccato noise.
TJ Prendergast: Congrats to Tim Jemal, others. Attended the Feast of Light. IVC Holiday party. “If the Mayans turn out to be wrong, Merry Christmas,” he quipped.
Nancy Padberg: Congrats to newly elected trustees. Happy holidays, Merry Christmas.
Jim Wright: Honored to be able to serve on the board. Attended holiday parties. Very well done. Nursing pinning ceremony. Basketball tourney.
Dave Lang: Blah, blah, blah

Chancellor’s report (Poertner): recognized the “outgoing president of the board,” Nancy Padberg. (Har har.) He hands her a smallish brown plaque. She’s kept us organized, etc., says Gary. Nancy says thanks, it’s nice to get these plaques. Got so many of 'em. "Well, you’ll get another one in a year,” P deadpanned.

I should say that the trustees were in a pretty good mood tonight. Lots of good cheer, lots of silly jokes and comments. Nancy occasionally laughed so heartily she managed a near-cackle. (On the other hand, there were several references to the recent tragedy in Connecticut.)

Board requests for reports: zilch

Discussion items: none

Consent calendar: anything to pull? Nothing much.

Our Don, brawling on the Assembly floor

General action items:

6.1: Foundation audit report. Deb F. She says, had presentations last month, auditor.

Etc.

Once again, I'm playing catch-up 'cause  my computer crashed. I seem to recall that Dave Lang raised questions about the large proportion of Foundation assets coming from the district. In the case of Saddleback, it was something like 54%. In the case of IVC, it was actually more than 93%! What's that all about? Lang wanted more information about those factoids. (We've raised such concerns recently.)

They approve all the Board Policy revisions and such. Same for Academic and Classified Personnel Actions. Nothing much of interest happens. The board is pretty agreeable tonight. Everything passes unanimously.

Reports:

7.1 - college speakers.  Yeah, sure.
7.2 - Basic aid report. Yep, whatever.
7.3 - Facilities plan... Please....

Reports of groups:

Saddleback College Ac. Senate (Cosgrove): makes another pitch for part-timers, who lack offices, are inconvenienced in many ways, etc. Refers to work on Accreditation: going well.
Faculty Association: Congrats to trustee election winners. Echoes Cosgrove's concerns about part-timers.
Etc.
Meeting ends about 7:50.

Bugsy's freak oblique

     No new pics of young Bugsy, the Miracle Kitten, but I do have a report, of sorts.
     I showed up at my folks place on Friday just in time to volunteer to take my mom and her “baby” to the vet—he needed to be checked out to see how he’s healed after his gender-attenuating surgery of a week ago. (I don't like my dad driving. He's 80 years old. He'd normally be the one to drive—not just mom—cuz taking the cat to the vet is, for my parents, a massively complex event, evidently requiring both a driver and a towel-wielding cat-handler.)
     Naturally, when I arrived, my mom and pop and sister had managed to whip themselves into the usual neurotic/déjà-vu-ular anxiousness. The upshot: Mom had swaddled the poor Bugster deep within some enormous fluffy towel—an entombment that, alone, was surely enough to launch the heartiest of creatures into a Life of Neurosis.
     I gestalted the situation and immediately announced that we “go now.” Off we went, mom with her charge huddled in the backseat of my Chrysler. At the PetSmart/Banfield, whilst awaiting the predictable verdict on the Bugster, I bought one of those circular plastic tube-things that encase a white ball. My mom had no idea what it was; she looked skeptical.
     “It’s good,” I said. “Don’t worry, he’ll love this thing.”

Star Chaser Turbo Scratcher Cat Toy

     Soon, the young man was brought out to us. “He checks out just fine,” said the vet. Everybody doted on him. "Cute!" they cooed.
     We got back on the road, with my mom reassuring her “Osterhase” (Easter bunny) that, now, at long last, all is well, “you poor thing.”
     “Mom, you know,” I suggested, “if you want a normal cat, you should try to act like everything is normal.”
     “Vat?”
     “Maybe just let him loose. Or just stop holding him so tightly in that towel. –You know, act like things are fine, cuz they are, you know.”
     “I don’t vant him to get avay!” said mom.

     Eventually, back at the house, things got more or less back to normal. So I got out that plastic turbo-thingy and laid it on the floor near Bugsy’s favorite chair—i.e., mom’s TV chair—in the living room. Soon, the boy, guided by his tiny pink nose, zeroed in on it. At first, he seemed interested only in the round patch of rough cardboard in the center of the wheel. He sat on that and then started rolling around on it. He liked it.
     Eventually, his tiny white tail bumped the ball—and it moved.
     He stared at it. After a few seconds, he carefully batted it with his paw. It started rolling around in its tube. Bugsy was mesmerized.

     Cats are unlike humans. Their hard-wiring is such that small objects of mouse- or bird-size are deeply attractive to them—especially if they are viewed from around other objects—trees, chair-legs, chunks of plastic, etc. Go figure.
     I call it the "freak oblique." A cat will grab some little thing and then arrange the world such that the object in question is around a corner or behind some solid object, and almost beyond reach. Then he'll just go nuts grabbing at it, playing with it, then maybe disemboweling it.
     Rinse. Repeat.
     The makers of this plastic ball turbo thingy understand cats.
     After a while, Bugsy lay his head on the carpet, then reached around the plastic tube-wall to touch the barely-visible ball, then, upon making contact with it, jumped away and down the hallway and straight up the window blinds.
     Freak oblique! Freak oblique!
     Naturally, the Bugster came right back. He wanted more. I decided to join him in his play. We sat silently next to the tube and hovered over it. I sought to emulate Bugsy's attitude and concentration. He’d bat at the ball. Then I’d bat it back at him. (My actions were minimal. Minimalism is essential.)
     This went on for a while. He liked our play, though he remained wary. (I'm not mom.) Soon, we were two kittens, buddies in Feline Funland, and it was all very tight and close. I felt special.
     Eventually, I demonstrated my ability to flick the ball with such force that it spun quickly around in its tube--so quickly that it nearly became a blur. But Bugsy was up to the challenge of tracking it. His head followed the damned ball: left-right-left-right-left-right. Naturally, his furious head-shaking slowed as the ball’s orbit slowed. It was really something to see.
     I burst out laughing. That caused him to run away. He didn’t come back. Oh my.
     I caught up with him a few minutes later. He was being cradled by mom. “My tiny Heiny,” she purred. His eyes were shut.
     “Looks like a Chinaman,” said dad.
     “Yeah, I guess.” I said.