Sometimes, you get to use common sense

Novel or terrible events, when they’re BIG and loaded with implications, are hard to get one’s mind around. One tends to ignore them, forget them. —You know, like the fact that our Iraq adventure has probably cost the lives of hundreds of thousands of Iraqi civilians.

This morning, I read an article in the New York Times about an enormous ice shelf off the northern coast of Canada’s Ellesmere Island. The shelf existed for 3,000 years. (Arctic Ice Shelf Broke Off Canadian Island.)

Now, we are told, it broke off and floated out to sea.

That can’t be good.

I know: things get complicated. But, sometimes, even when things are complex, you get to use common sense. These ice shelves are much thicker and older than the thin stuff floating at the North Pole. I mean, there's ice, and then there's ice.

And this enormous hunk of ice hung around for 3,000 years. And now it’s gone. Melted.

Not good.

One big moron

▲ BLESSED ARE THE LITTLE MORONS

Gosh, when I was a kid, we did some stupid things, but THIS YOUNGER GENERATION TODAY, boy, they're something else.

Evidently, there is a stunt, called “Ghost riding the whip,” in which “a driver gets out of his car and dances around and on top of the slowly moving vehicle to a thumping hip-hop beat….” The stunt has “gotten at least two people killed, led to numerous injuries and alarmed police on the West Coast and beyond.” So says an article on the AP wire: "Ghost riding the whip".

Evidently, the fad has something to do with a “a West Coast strain of hip-hop music called 'hyphy'….”

It’s news to me.

You can actually watch some of this nonsense on YouTube: Ghost riding goes wrong.

Does everybody already know about this? Am I the last person on earth to learn about it? I woke up this morning, thinking, “I’m SO out of it. Take me out of my misery!” I looked at my cat. She stared at me.

You’d tell me, wouldn’t you?

▲ OH YEAH? THE WHOLE COUNTRY IS ONE BIG MORON

Learn about educational “Sputnik moments” in an article in yesterday’s Inside Higher Ed. A Sputnik moment is when a BIG NEWS STORY OR EVENT spurs an effort to overcome a deficit in public education, such as the Soviet Sputnik launch and our panic over scientific ignoramitude back in the 50s.

The IHE article discusses the perception that Foreign Language instruction in the U.S. has been subject to a series of Sputnik moments, like random jolts of thought, each one fading faster than the last.

If we weren’t a nation of morons, we’d maintain a prominent discussion about just what our schools and colleges should be teaching. We’d understand the importance of pursuing a knowledge of “foreign” languages and cultures. We wouldn't have to be busted upside the head to think about it.

But, no. A bunch of terrorists have to get lucky and kill 3,000 people in one fell swoop. Then somebody says, “Hey, does anybody around here know Arabic?”

We look around. Nobody.

Someone shouts: "My God, man! Do something!"

(While we're on the subject: how long will it be before it is acceptable to discuss WHY all these people hate us so much? History makes that pretty clear, I think. You might have to go to college for that.

But no. Trying to understand the motives of the "enemy"--something that those horrible academics might try to do--is gay or French or unAmerican.)

▲ WHY AREN'T THEY MORE GRATEFUL?

A team of American and Iraqi epidemiologists estimates that 655,000 more people have died in Iraq since coalition forces arrived in March 2003 than would have died if the invasion had not occurred...Both this and [an] earlier study [also finding a high death toll] are the only ones to estimate mortality in Iraq using scientific methods. The technique, called "cluster sampling," is used to estimate mortality in famines and after natural disasters…A Defense Department spokesman did not comment directly on the estimate. —Washington Post 10/10/06

▲ WILL THE TUITION CUT SAVE OUR BACON?

As you know, recently, the Governor signed into law a price break for community college students. Starting Monday, students will pay only $20 per unit, down from $26.

For what it’s worth, there are some early indications that the tuition decrease will have the desired effect on enrollments, which have trended downward statewide. See Tuition cut 23 percent (this article concerns San Diego County in particular).

▲ TEACHERS CAN’T SPEAK AT BOARD MEETINGS?

Here’s a disconcerting story in this morning’s Ventura County Star: Brown Act challenge goes to state.

The question is: do public employees (in this case, an instructor with the Oxnard Union High School District [OUHSD] in Ventura County) have the right “to attend [board] meetings and address local school boards that employ them”?

[Thomas] Ito, who has taught biology at Oxnard High School since August, said he went to [the March 8 OUHSD board] meeting to address the board about his reassignment. However, according to a statement signed by Ito in May, he was approached by Superintendent Jody Dunlap as he was filling out a yellow speaker card at the back of the meeting room. Dunlap told him he couldn't address the board and to leave the building, according to his statement, and he left.

Who the !@*# does this Dunlap person think she is?

Well, to make a long story short, the Ventura County DA has written to the Attorney General for clarification (i.e., for a legal opinion).

So they're waiting to hear from the AG, who no doubt will make things crystal clear. While he’s at it, maybe he can explain how it is that a town gets a name like “Oxnard.” I mean, why not “Pigb*lls” or "Horsea**"?

A year ago in the SOCCCD

● MY GOD! THERE MIGHT BE—CRONYISM!

On Dec. 19, 2005 (Cronyism & Mirthulence), we reported on the December meeting of the SOCCCD Board of Trustees, in which “Trustee Tom Fuentes, former Big Cheese of the OC Republican Party, expressed a concern that the faculty hiring process up for approval that night might permit faculty ‘cronyism.’”

HA! This, of course, was a stunning instance of the pot calling the kettle black. Naturally, in DtB, we spelled that out in gory detail!

● FUENTES’ BUGABOO.

That night (Peevitude in Detail (12/17)) was also the night in which Tom Fuentes expressed his objections to the new and improved faculty hiring policy (up for approval), which had been in development for many months. In Tom’s view, the new policy gave too much power to faculty, and especially to “the union,” Fuentes’ standard bugaboo. (See also Doubting Thomas (12/13).)

According to the new (and old) policy, the union, of course, has no representatives on hiring committees. But, noted Fuentes, the Academic Senates do have representatives. And those reps are likely members of the union.

Oh. The new policy passed.

The policy change arose from an illegal action (so said the court), by Chancellor Mathur, with the Board Majority’s support, to unilaterally impose a new policy on faculty. The faculty’s victory in this case will have far-reaching ramifications in California community colleges with regard to faculty's role in college governance.

In other words, this gang of tough, leather-faced hombres managed to shoot themselves in the foot, letting varmints vamoose into the Hole-in-the-Wall with all the dang horses. Or something.

● CLASSIFIED CONTRACT.

At the same meeting, Classified leader MARY WILLIAMS addressed the board, urging its representatives to come to settlement regarding the contract. The room was pretty tense. Since that itme, of course, a settlement has been reached.


● THE YEAR OF BOB "DON'T GET CAUGHT" KING

"[G]etting caught hiring someone 'under the table' is easier than you think...."! --From the highly-principled website, Legally Nanny

At the board meeting a year ago, Fuentes announced the hire of BOB KING as Vice Chancellor of Human Resources. King is a lawyer (indeed, years ago, he was on the district's team during my 1st Amendment lawsuit), and this inspired speculation about a hidden agenda. (Gosh, maybe Mathur was just contemplating hiring a nanny? Check out Bob's Legally Nanny. You won't regret it.)

Sure enough, after a few months, Mathur attempted to redefine King's duties to broaden them and to make him essentially the house attorney, but the board didn't support that.

It was King who was left holding the bag when Mathur attempted to sneak through his COLA/raise. There may be signs that King has figured out what others have figured out about his boss. Watch Bob's facial expressions change over time.

Or not.

● BOARD LEADERSHIP ROLLOVER.

The December board meeting includes the trustees’ yearly “organizational” meeting. A year ago, trustee BILL JAY nominated the then-existing board leadership--Lang, Padberg, Fuentes--for a repeat performance, and that was approved unanimously.

That’s not what happened a year later, however. This month, Padberg was bumped in favor of Wagner.

By now, it is clear that we have a new BOARD MAJORITY, namely, Lang, Williams, Wagner, & Fuentes. Ironically (considering history), it is Nancy Padberg, among the BOARD MINORITY, who is the target of the most--and the most ugly--BM snipery.

● THE “BENEDICT ARNOLD 'THANK YOU'” PLAQUE.

On that night, Chancellor Mathur gave board president Lang a handsome plaque for recognizing his--i.e., Mathur’s--excellence: “…I would like to recognize our board president…. President Lang, … You have been consistently fair and respectful of all people, including me ... You are always willing to recognize excellence.”

Notoriously, Lang’s was the swing vote in the board action, of June ’05, to renew Mathur’s contract. For many years, Lang and Milchiker had been Mathur’s chief detractors. Lang’s surprise switcheroo is one of the great SOCCCD mysteries. Why'd he do it? Why did he take Mathur's side when all of his supporters urged him in the strongest terms not to?

As near as anyone can tell, Lang is still behind his man Mathur. The district is still in the toilet, and we can thank Dave Lang, "changer of men."


● PADBERG/WILLIAMS SHOOTOUT.

This was the night of one the noisier Nancy Padberg/John Williams shootouts. This particular gun battle concerned removal of items from the “consent calendar.” Leaving items on the consent calendar means, of course, that they are approved without discussion. That night, Padberg acted to remove a large number of items from the CC in order to raise issues about them, inspiring a revolt on the part of Williams, Wagner, and Lang, who seemed to think her issues could be dealt with informally, before the meeting, in phone conversations with the Chancellor. You know, behind closed doors. (The CC/"Padberg doesn't do her homework" stuff came up again last month. See Board report.)

Tension often erupts between Williams and Padberg, of course. By this meeting, Williams had fired Padberg at the county Public Administrator office. Why?

● CREATIONISTS LOSE, GET SPANKED.

Let's not forget that, exactly one year ago (Just what I wanted (12/23)), Creationists (anti-Evolutionists) suffered a huge legal defeat in the crucial “Dover” case, in which parents with children in the Dover Area School District (in Pennsylvania) fought inclusion of “intelligent design” in science instruction. The inclusion occurred on advice from lawyers provided by the Discovery Institute.

(Aside: the Discovery Institute has received much of its funding from OC’s Howard Ahmanson Jr., who once said his goal is "the total integration of biblical law into our lives." Ahmanson is a close friend of Tom Fuentes.)

The judge presiding over the case was Judge John E. Jones III, a conservative Republican appointed by George W. Bush. Jones concluded that it is “unconstitutional” to teach ID as an alternative to evolution in the public schools. Jones went further. He decided that the parents who brought the suit were entitled to damages!

It was a bad day for the irrationalists and a good day for truth, justice, and the American Way.

"It is ironic that these individuals, who so proudly touted their religious convictions in public would time and again lie to cover their tracks and disguise the real purpose behind the ID Policy." --From the Jones opinion in Kitzmiller v. Dover school Board.

Young and screwed

“If [Eugene] doesn't get the operation, he's probably going to lose his joint to degenerative diseases in the next few years. We really care about him. We really want him to get better.” --JC

ON SATURDAY, I mentioned the plight of IVC semi-denizen Eugene Ipavec, who, I said, recently suffered a terrible accident, leaving him flat and broken and flat broke (Let’s come to the aid of a friend).

On Tuesday, Jorge Barrientos profiled our desolate friend for the OC Register: Irvine Valley College teachers, students help friend in need. Here are some excerpts from Jorge's article:

...Lisa Alvarez, a professor and chair of the English department at Irvine Valley, her colleagues and college friends are trying to get Eugene Ipavec, 26, on his feet after he broke a leg in a scooter accident that has left him disabled and "in a funk," with no medical insurance, no money and no will to write…Ipavec suffered a vertical fracture on his tibia after a scooter accident Dec. 7. He was taken to Tustin Hospital and Medical Center, where a splint was placed on the leg….

Ipavec came to Tustin from Slovenia when he was 12. He joined [Lisa's] creative writing workshop at Irvine Valley about four years ago where he wowed friends and teachers with his writing about his past home, politics and life as an immigrant.


…[Since then,] He has been published in the Santa Monica Review, the longest-running literary arts magazine in Southern California, and he has had opinion pieces published in the Orange County Register.

…"I haven't done much writing lately," he said. "I haven't been in the right frame of mind. This whole disaster has somewhat changed my perspective." [Note: this is an instance of absurdist understatement on E's part.]

Since the accident, [SMR editor Andrew] Tonkovich, Alvarez and friends have been transporting Ipavec to and from medical centers, searching for ways to get him medical insurance and care.

To make matters worse, Ipavec's father, Gene, 75, fell off the front porch and injured his leg and also needs medical help [both are confined to wheelchairs]. Gene is retired and gets a small government pension – not enough to pay hospital and ambulance bills. The two live alone in a mobile home in Tustin.

…Alvarez and friends have set up a bank account to collect donations for Ipavec, and his best friend, Jonathan Cohen, made a Web site and blog where people can donate and get information on Ipavec.

Eugene Ipavec Medical Fund
Orange County Teachers Federal Credit Union
P.O. Box 11547
Santa Ana, 92711-1547
Account Number: 15674902

See also:

● www.jkcohen.com/eugene --and

● www.jkcohen.com/wordpress

Yesterday, Jonathan wrote me, offering a classic Jonathanism:

Dear [Chunk]:

It’s worth noting … that Governor Schwarzenegger, after breaking his leg on a ski junket to Idaho, received surgery within three days. By comparison, Eugene will not get surgery for several months.

It’s good to be king, with the best health insurance state money can buy; it sucks to be E.

Yup.

Well, Eugene will get his surgery in "several months"--IF we collect enough dough!

And, who knows? Maybe Eugene the scribe will come through this thing, not only sans funk, but par excellence!

Dolt?

If you haven’t read Bob Woodward’s Washington Post piece on Gerald Ford, you really should check it out:

Ford Disagreed With Bush About Invading Iraq

Remember those “Whip inflation now” (WIN) buttons? The gaff concerning Soviet domination of Eastern Europe? I thought Ford was a dope.

Dope? Well, maybe not so much. Read Woodward's account of his interview with Ford in July, 2004.

Fix it, please

▲ THIS JUST IN: State's community college fees to drop $6 per unit. Starts Jan. 1. An attempt to ameliorate low enrollments. Free cash prizes would be more effective still. Perpetual boozy-sexy parties in the Quad would be good, too.

▲ Today, the Associated Press reported the perceived urgent need to overhaul California’s incorrigible public schools: Education overhaul urged. Check it out.

Obviously, the preparedness of students attending CA's community colleges is determined by the preparedness of graduates (and non-graduates!) of CA's public schools.

(Hey, if things get much worse in my IVC classes student-preparedness-wise, I'm gonna have to start teaching the ABC's!)

The article discusses the obvious: bureaucratic inefficiency, funding, and teacher quality. It notes likely proposals and suggestions.

It ends with:

Some suggestions, particularly ideas about measuring teachers' effectiveness, are likely to meet resistance from powerful interests such as the California Teachers Association…The politically powerful union has resisted previous efforts to monitor teachers….

▲ Raghu P. Mathur is still the Chancellor of the South Orange County Community College District. No relief in sight.

Preparing for the Big Wet One

A COUPLE OF MONTHS AGO, DtB posted a discussion of the tsunami threat here in Orange County. (See So Cal Tsunamis?)

Ridiculous, you say?

Don’t think so. As we explained then, the tsunami threat is real, not because a devastating tsunami in our lifetime is likely (it isn’t), but because a devastating OC tsunami (at some impossible-to-predict moment) is inevitable.

We’re like Indonesians were until two years ago: unprepared, unworried, "because we're unlikely to be 'the ones.'" We're TYPICAL HUMAN KNUCKLEHEADS.

Well, in this morning’s OC Reg, the point about the nature of the threat and other points are made in Before the ocean rises. The article also announces that OC will soon be the first California county to be “TsunamiReady.”

I wouldn’t get too excited about that. It turns out that being “TsunamiReady” doesn’t mean we're ready for a big tsunami, though it’s a good start. Essentially, it means that there’s been an effort to educate the public about the danger. Plus some efforts have been made to organize emergency personnel for a response. But, when the big wet one hits, the ocean is still gonna destroy everything in its path, and that path covers coastal towns filled with cell-phone packin' knuckleheads.

The upshot: saying your county is “TsunamiReady” is like a driver saying she’s “CrashSafe” because somebody told her to wear her seatbelt and to get a AAA card.


The Register article has some good graphics. Check 'em out. Here are some excerpts:

…All Orange County beach cities are or in the next few months will be "TsunamiReady," a National Weather Service designation that recognizes communities that prepare for such events….

…"The message we put out is to be prepared, because you just never know," [Ed Clark, warning coordination meteorologist in San Diego] said. "To say we're not going to be hit is in a way asking for it."

Mark Legg, a Huntington Beach-based scientist who for decades has studied the potential for a tsunami here, said about the countywide effort, "It's about time."

"We humans think we're not vulnerable because we think technology will save us," he said. "Well, Mother Nature is very powerful."

Russ Fluter, a Newport Beach resident walking the Strand in Newport Beach on a recent day, said he wasn't concerned…“I don't think it's going to happen, personally," he said....

Since 1980, there have been tsunami warnings issued in Southern California in May 1986, October 1994 and June 2005…The 2005 warning, which happened just months after the Indonesia devastation, was a wake-up call, emergency officials said…The warning confused residents along the coast who didn't know whether to stay or go.

Glorria Morrison, emergency services coordinator in Huntington Beach, said hundreds of people called 911 to ask, "What should I do?"….


Are we at risk?

● ...Mark Legg has studied the area's risk for a tsunami since the '70s and said there is evidence large tsunamis have hit our shoreline.

● While large earthquakes offshore are rare, they have happened. There have been four offshore earthquakes stronger than magnitude 6 in the past 75 years.

● There was a well-documented case in Southern California in 1927 that generated a tsunami, raising the ocean by 6 feet. There was no major damage because much of the coast was undeveloped. That's different from a 6-foot wave that surfers here are used to--this is a sea change that "you can't outrun, you cannot swim against," he said.

● Catalina is a danger area that could be a source of a tsunami. The island is on a fault that bends left, a "pop-up" formed by many earthquakes over hundreds of thousands of years.

● Other fault lines move right, creating a hole, or "pull-apart" basins. San Diego Harbor is an example of this, as is the San Pedro Basin. These slopes offshore are steep and made of soft sediment. A large earthquake could trigger a submarine landslide, which could create a tsunami….

● Legg and his colleagues found evidence of a tsunami – shells and marine life mixed with bedrock – in Carlsbad that occurred within the last 11,000 years. The findings were 29 feet above sea level, meaning the ocean rose by at least that much.

Oh Wow: Strong earthquake shakes Taiwan. No tsunami this time.

Know any rich people?

There's a brief article about Irvine Valley College's PERFORMING ARTS CENTER in this morning’s OC Register. The Facility is now under construction and should be completed by summer. The article explains that individuals and whatnot now have an opportunity to get some or all of this thing named after 'em!

For $2 million, the new $32 million performing arts center at Irvine Valley College could be named after you.


The Irvine Valley College Foundation is selling naming rights to the building that college President Glenn Roquemore has called a "gem destined to become a cultural and architectural centerpiece" in Irvine. It is to open in July.

The center's rooms and the lobby will also be named after those who donate toward the center. The money will be used for such things as lighting instruments, several grand pianos and wireless microphones. One of the most expensive items sought is a $200,000 acoustic shell for the symphony, used to project sound toward the audience. (See: Irvine: College selling naming rights)

I haven't got much money, so I'm thinking small. Something along these lines:

The CHUNK WHEELER toilet partition

Or maybe

The DISSENT the BLOG baton & catgut string depository (i.e., closet shelf)

--Yeah, something like that.


If you really cared about this college, you'd find a rich person and get them to cough up some dough!

What about that "fish taco" guy who spoke at last year's Commencement? He seemed nice. His taco money and that "acoustic shell" are a perfect fit, I'd say.

In all sincerity, this building will be wonderful. Maybe a "gem" even.

It's gonna be BIG. It'll make Saddleback's Ronald MacDonald Theater look like a Lilliputian apiary!

The principle of “gratuitous-yet-just insultitude”

▼ Years ago, in the print version of Dissent, I called a certain administrator a “liar.”

.I was immediately accused of “name calling.”

.But wait! What if there are lots of demonstrable facts indicating that the guy is a liar—I mean, a persistent or extreme one—and I call him a “liar”? Is that name-calling?

.Sure, technically. But calling a plumber a plumber is name-calling too, in that sense. When we accuse somebody of name-calling, we mean, not just that they've applied a "name" to something, but that, in this case, they’ve done something that they should not do.

.Why shouldn’t I call this liar a “liar,” especially since I've cited the overwhelming evidence that, in fact, he lies often and boldly—and to people to whom he has an obligation to be honest?

.When reporters describe Saddam’s former situation in terms of “tyranny,” are they engaging in name-calling? If I describe O.J. Simpson as “unsavory” or George Bush as “inarticulate,” am I guilty of something?

.Imagine someone who refuses to call an apartment fire that kills a dozen children a “disaster” or a “tragedy.” Anyone who doesn’t think that that event was a tragedy—that, really, the fire is more properly described as an "event" or "occurrence"—doesn’t understand the event. Sometimes, by refusing to suggest a judgment or a moral response in our account of a person or thing or event, we distort the truth. We make it harder, not easier, for people to understand what needs to be understood.

▼ CONGRESSMAN FLIMFLAM. In this morning’s LA Times, there's more bad press for Dissent the Blog’s Congressman, Republican Gary Miller. The Times article describes Miller’s latest apparent flimflammery. Check it out. Or not.

.It bugs me no end that this guy represents me (and the Reb, and Red Emma, and even Limber Lou).

.I looked up Miller’s name in my Devil’s Thesaurus and I got: “total asshole.” I bet he gets reelected, though.

.Do you know any person—one that you are comfortable calling decent—who would examine the consistent conduct of Mr. Miller (see earlier blogs) and not agree that it is dishonest and repellent? Is there anyone who doesn’t think that people like Miller are scamming, sometimes individuals, sometimes the public?

.All right, then. FLAMFLAM. Among other things, this man engages in flimflammery most foul. Shout it out! Let there be moral clarity!

.We'll return to the word "asshole" in a second.

▼ GOVERNOR POTATO HEAD. Governor Arnold broke a leg skiing yesterday, but he didn’t even have the decency to break the damn thing here in California. He was in dang Idaho. Henceforth, I shall refer to the fellow as "Governor Potato Head."

.Now this is an instance of name-calling. Of a kind. Observe that it is made less offensive by the fact that Arnold’s head looks nothing like a spud. (I would never call a guy whose head looks like a potato a "potato head"; I might, however, call a vain scoundrel who is not very attractive "plug-ugly." There are rules!)

.Observe also that anyone who has paid attention to Mr. Schwarzennegger’s political career knows that he started it with a pledge specifically to eschew the “special interests,” and yet, from day 1, he has been up to his biceps in “special interest” money and connections. Observe, finally, that, though Arnold’s hypocrisy is manifest, journalists never call him a “hypocrite.” Occasionally, they come close. But they almost never just say what everyone (that minority who reads the paper and who attempts to retain pertinent facts) knows to be true. They seem to follow some kind of "Emperor's wardrobe" rule.

.In my view, it is in such cases as this that one may invoke the special “name-calling” exception, namely, the principle of “gratuitous-yet-just insultitude”:

When the person is indecent and decent people are not being heard, just to even things out a bit, engage in name-calling, but take care that the meaning of the “name” clearly does not apply to the person described.

.It is in this sense, then, that one may justly and happily call George W. Bush a “stupid asshole.” Nobody really thinks that he’s stupid. They think, rather, that he's surprisingly ill-informed, brutish, insensitive, and inarticulate.

.And yet, in calling the man a “stupid asshole,” we make the world a better place. We see good people smiling. We are ever-so-slightly more justified in viewing our world as just and good.

Let's come to the aid of a friend and student

Many of you at Irvine Valley College know, or at least have seen, a writer, graphics artist, and sometime-student named Eugene Ipavec. Well, he recently sustained a very bad injury, and he has no way to pay for the very expensive medical services that he'll need. In the meantime, he can't do much of anything.

I'll have more information about this situation in the coming days. But if you're interested in helping, check out Help for Eugene, which has been set up by one of Eugene's many friends and supporters, Jonathan.

Really. Check it out. It's the best thing since sliced bread.

In the Hobbit Hutch

IT WAS A BUSY DAY, and I've still got this rotten cold. Limber Lou dropped by, but only for a few minutes. It was so beautiful outside, I decided to take a few snaps. Limber Lou kept talking and squirming and asking me questions, and it was kind of a relief when he left. I waved.


My folks wanted me to drop by about something, and so I did that. Got to talking with my mom, Sierra, about that image of a German Shepherd that you see on K-9 cop cars. (I mentioned it a couple of days ago.) It’s a stencil that you can buy in the usual cop supply outlets. When I Googled “K-9 supplies” or some such thing, I first found a place in Kentucky that sold maybe 15 different stencils. Prominent among them was this one (see).

I asked Sierra (i.e., my mom) to tell me the story. Here’s what she told me.

It was the mid-70s, and she was painting animals in those days. She and my dad (and, to a certain extent, I) got to know a cop named Dave R. I’m not sure he was a cop—he could have been an electrician—but he was definitely involved in training dogs for police “K-9” squads.

Dave asked Sierra to paint portraits of his two dogs, Kai and Cora. They were magnificent purebred German Shepherds from Germany, as I recall, and they were truly amazing dogs, and beautiful, too. They were trained as “Schutzhund” (working) dogs—we had met Dave at a Schutzhund club. The training includes such routines as shooting a gun off next to a dog’s head! The dog isn’t supposed to freak out. These dogs never did. They were cool customers, boy.

I do believe that Dave regarded Kai and Cora as his best dogs ever, and he loved ‘em to pieces. My dad took some photos of the two—they were a kind of team, and they were lots of fun to be around—and my mom used those pictures, mostly, to paint the portraits.

Dave was pretty happy with the results. My mom got paid. Not long after that, my folks gave up on the dog club, and they didn’t see Dave much after that. (We had joined the club to get my little brother Ray interested in something wholesome—like dogs and dog-training. It didn’t work.)

After a few years, Sierra did hear from Dave again. He had sent her a letter along with a sweatshirt and some stencils. It turns out that his dog-training company needed an image of a dog, and they couldn’t get any image to work—except for the two portraits that my mom had painted (or photographs of the portraits). So, after a little manipulation, those images ended up on the company’s logo and masthead (etc.). The sweatshirt that Dave had sent had the picture/image of Kai, the male dog, on the front. (See below.) On the back was the company logo, which, I believe, included the image of Cora, the female. Dave had also sent stencils used to transfer the Kai image onto the sides of police "K-9" cars. He explained that police departments all over the country were using these stencils. They were being used in Germany, too.

In the letter, Dave was apologetic. He said he felt bad that she wasn’t getting royalties. I’m sure my mom didn’t care about that. Besides, she told me, Dave owned the painting. She had sold it to him, and so he had every right to use it.

I asked Sierra if she still had the sweatshirt and the stencils. Off she went looking for them. After a few minutes, she returned with the shirt. It was in a bag and it was as good as new:


She said that she thought the stencils were up in the old “Hobbit hutch,” my family’s name for an old dilapidated structure that my parents once used for painting. They don’t paint much anymore. Nowadays, they’re into pottery and sculpture.

I headed up there. It’s a real rat-hole, up against the hill, right above my parents’ private road. I could find no stencils. But I did find interesting things.

Mostly, the shed is filled with old paintings—some on canvas, some on board—leaning against each other. The weather—the sun and moisture—and even the rats had gotten to them. In the case of some paintings that were directly exposed to sunlight coming through the dirty windows, the paint had mostly peeled away. The paintings that were stacked along the wall were very dusty and dirty.

I didn’t find the stencils, but I did find some of my mom’s old animal paintings, though most of them lay flat one on top of another in flat drawers. I focussed mostly on the paintings that were stacked along the walls.

Here’s one that was probably painted some time before the Kai & Cora episode:


I had to wash it down to really see the image. Even after that, it looked grimy and dark. Later, I photographed it, downloaded it to my Mac, and then Photoshopped it. I tried the “auto level” button, and, voila! For once, that button pretty much did the trick. (Later, I’ll actually clean up the painting. That’s tricky.)

I kept digging. One painting was a real surprise, and it brought back lots of memories. In the early seventies, my beautiful and silly German cousin Tina had visited my folks for several months. (This was while I was attending UCI.) She didn’t speak a word of English. Still, she managed quickly to become part of the family. She’s was—still is—a great gal, full of fun and full of wild gestures and great emotions. We took her everywhere. She charmed the pants off of everybody.

Evidently, my mother had started a portrait of her. It’s pretty badly damaged, but there’s no doubt who it is:


Well, I’ll be spending some time working my way through all this stuff in the crummy old "Hobbit hutch." (I seem to be the family historian and archivist.) I won’t go on and on about all the things that I found there today.

Well, there was one thing. Evidently, my whole family had attended one of the wild parties given by one of my Professors/advisors in grad school. This would have been about 1980. I don’t know how it happens, but, somehow, my family ends up knowing everybody that I know. The “wild party” Professor—a famous philosopher of religion!—had visited my folks on several occasions, too. I don’t get it, but there it is.

My sister was at the party, too. She’s an artist, and she took lots of photographs. Later, she developed the photos—they were pretty wild—into these 1 1/2-inch square “portraits,” exhibiting every imaginable emotion or attitude. She assembled these geometrically upon a large board. The resulting piece was a work of art. It was pretty wild. Pretty terrific.

Well, I found that thing—next to a large rat nest. It was covered in muck. Some of the photos were missing; others were damaged. I took it up to my place and started cleaning the photos, one by one.

The first one I cleaned—it was the first picture in the first row—was of my late brother Ray, who also attended the party. Ray was probably the funniest person I have ever known. I vaguely recall that he had entertained people, in his outrageous manner, quite successfully at this particular party, which occurred in a great little house near the ocean in Laguna Beach. Here’s the pic:

Ray would have been about 19 years old at the time. He's obviously giving my sister a dirty look. I loved the guy.

Later in the day, my mom called. She said that she had found some photos that I might want to look at. Among them was this one of my little brother Ray, standing before his “crop,” somewhere in Northern California (circa 1990):


I love this photo, which I've never seen before. It's so Ray.

If there are any Junior G-Men out there, well, just chill out. Ray’s long dead. And I don’t know where the photo was taken.

Ray knew the Latin names for everything. For instance, he knew the Latin names for all the varieties of vegetation in the Santa Anas. And he knew the Latin names of other vegetation, too.

He got into a lot of trouble, though not in the Santa Anas.

He sure did have a green thumb.

Evidently, Fidel Castro was at the party, too.

Ms. Sunny

A busy day for cadaver dogs

Sunny's been a big help, finishing grading. She creates a fine Gemütlichkeit.

I remember seeing a Kamikaze rocket plane like this one at one of the many El Toro Marine Base air shows in the 1960s. Incredibly cool!

▼ CHECK UNDER THE FLOORBOARDS. They’re tearing up the buildings at the old El Toro Marine base to make way for the “Great Park.” (Base under destruction.) Way cool. I do hope they're on the lookout, though, for bodies and such. Jake, it's Orange County.


▼ REALPOLITIK, TICK, TICK. Yesterday, the OC Reg’s Martin Wisckol (Total buzz) reported that the notorious Tan “Stand by your Tan” Nguyen case continues, and the decision whether to file charges will likely be made before January 8:

Just heard from Nathan Barankin at the state Attorney General's Office and he said the investigation continues into the controversial letter sent out by erstwhile Congressional candidate Tan Nguyen's campaign. The letter, mailed to foriegn-born [sic] Latino voters, was condemned by both Democrats and Republicans as an attempt at voter intimidation.....

Intimidation. That's Trustee Fuentes' department. Fuentes was among Nguyen's advisors.


▼ SUB-A-DUB-DUB HUBBUB. After nine years of abject mothballery, those old Disneyland SUBMARINES are getting hosed out and painted for use in some kind of NEMO ride, at Disneyland of course. See Bringing sub ride out of mothballs. I think they should bring back that daffy "Home of the Future" ride too. Made by Monsanto, wasn't it? I vaguely recall standing in that place in the late 50s. "Mom, how come this place stinks?" Answer: "It doesn't stink, Chunky. That's just the plastic. Plastic is good. Go ahead, Chunky. Sniff it! Sniff the future!"


▼ AGENDA: JE NE SAIS QUOI. Looks like the Capistrano Unified School District board is going to court, owing to its evident failure properly to agendize a lengthy closed session a while back. See Capistrano Unified district's closed sessions get trial date. The trustees tried the old “when you evaluate somebody, everything is relevant” gambit as a way to get around proper notification/agenda requirements.

In '59, I was there, sniffin' the future.

Chunk's folks: howling and creating

I TELL PEOPLE that I was raised by wolves in the mountains of British Columbia, and that's true, but it might give 'em the wrong idea.

For one thing, my folks are artists. In my family, everybody is some kind of artist. Well, everybody is several kinds of artist. I'm not saying they're any good at it. That doesn't really matter. But they're always making things, and then they're making more things.

It's the holiday season, and I'm feeling all warm and fuzzy. Could be these crazy socks. Anyway, I'm gonna do something different; I'll show you some of my family's artwork that somehow ended up in my house--er, my lair. It's a totally random sample.

For starters, my pop did the painting above. My mom was the model. He used to paint all the time. I seem to recall that he won 1st Prize at the Orange County Fair, amateur oil painting division, thirty or so years ago. He doesn't seem to paint anymore.

These days, mostly my folks work in clay. Here's a plate that my dad did a few years ago. I keep it in my living room. I used to have an even better one that he did, but somebody stomped on it. That can happen, if you don't watch out.

My mom makes lots of clay pots and whatnot. Here's one she made a while back:

Actually, I kinda messed up the photograph, so it looks darker than it really is. But I like it.

Here's another pot--or something--Mom made. I'll drop by their shop, and I'll be looking at one of these things, and she'll just say, "Want it?" Usually, I'll say, "sure."

A friend of mine finds his way to my folks' workshop as often as he can just on the chance that my mom'll offer him one of her pots.

Here's one of my favorites:

Actually, I've got lots more of these things, but I don't want to over-do it. There are literally hundreds of pots and jars and paintings and sculptures and photos sitting' around the property, at my parents' house, at friends' houses, here and there.

Next time, I'll show you my sister's "Easter Goose," which she did for the American Cancer Society or something. I forget. One time she was over my place and she spotted this laminated and folded thingy that I had bought. It showed all the flora and fauna of the hills around here. She picked it up, looked at it, and said, "I did this."

You know the German Shepherd image you see on the side of K-9 police cars? Well, it's adapted from a painting my mom did more than twenty years ago of a dog owned by a cop that my parents knew. They met him--the cop and the dog--at a "Schutzhund" club, but that's another story.

I remember the guy, named Jim or Rick Weaver, I think. He was a health nut. Rode his bike thirty or forty miles a day.

I think he was in his early 50s when he suddenly died of a heart attack.

People go like that sometimes.

I've got a bad cold, and so don't expect any of this to make sense. I just did this, that's all, like the rest of my howling, lunatic family. Here it is.

Love 'em, though.

Ahhwooooo... Werewolves of Trabuco, Ahwooooo!
Ahhwooooo... Werewolves of Trabuco, Ahwooooo!