What’s this about “homecoming” at Irvine Valley College?
Isn’t that a
high school thing?
It is. I avoided all such activities in high school--nearly forty years ago now--preferring to hang with the nonconformists. (Of course, I was never invited to join the conformists. They did not notice me.)
We listened to Jethro Tull. We did not flourish. We only survived.
I seem to recall contemning those kids, real joiners, who went in for dances, clubs, and student government. Especially student government. We knew enough to hate freakin' student government. We probably couldn't say why. I don't recall.
I'm trying to remember. I sensed that, somehow, some kids—the smart and “active” ones—recognized a fork in the road ahead and saw immediately that one path was for “winners”—those who accept how the elite rides upon the backs of, or simply proceeds oblivious to the needs of, the “losers.” What disturbed me, I think, was my sense that, for the winners,
there never was any question about which road to take; further, these winners moved quickly and quietly along their way, escaping guilt, like a Victorian lady who, upon accidentally observing the horrors or misery on which her privileged life rests, hurries along and soon thinks about proper things.
High school. That was a very long time ago. Long story short, these days, it is easy for me to like young people, almost all of them, despite and even because of their folly.
Still, I do seem to encounter students who remind me of that long-ago type and that long-ago feeling. These students are a special breed, I guess. They always seem to know just what to do. They are confident. They have no doubts. They are always busy, busy, busy. A blur.
What's the matter with 'em?
* * * * *
I went to IVC’s webpage and found a page entitled
2010 Homecoming Court Nominees.
It lists, first, the “Homecoming King Nominees,” their photographs, and their statements—designed, evidently, to persuade students to vote for them.
Mr.
AU, we’re told, “plans on majoring in business management….” Clearly,
AU does not “plan on” majoring in English. Like all of the nominees, he describes a life of activities and memberships that no one person could possibly manage unless he were insane. His statement closes with this odd remark: “One of his favorite activities…is spending all day at Disneyland and loves Tigger!”
Mr.
EL’s statement tends to lapse into vacuousness. “If you guys vote for me,” he chirps, “I will smile.” The latter sentence ends, not with a period, but with a smiley face emoticon. Upon depositing a remarkably stark ESLism, he lists his many offices and activities—again, there are too many—and then ends with “Thank you! God Bless You all :)”
Mr.
PM, pictured squatting in the grass wearing a black Stetson, tells us: “I am the most outgoing person on this campus.” He oversees “35 clubs.” (How is that possible?) “One day,” he writes, “I aspire to become a police officer.”
He ends with a non sequitur: “My hobbies include surfing, dirt biking, and horse riding. Pretty much anything that deals with the outdoors.
So vote for me as your next homecoming king!!”
Do you suppose he really means “so”? If so, what could he possibly be thinking?
Mr.
RC asserts that he loves “any and all outdoor activities,” including, oddly, “computers.” He busies himself with “connections and networking” and works at the Student Recreation Lounge, which evidently pulses with activity and new faces. He would be honored, he says, to be “the face of IVC for the 2010 Homecoming King.”
The face for the King?
The “
Homecoming Queen Nominees” are an attractive bunch.
Miss
AG explains that she has attended IVC “for quite some time now.” Despite many obstacles, “she has always known that Irvine Valley College was her home, and that she could turn to her friends and professors here when needed.” Like the others, she seems to be insanely busy, what with two jobs, theatre productions, the vice presidency of one club and the presidency of another.
Miss
JH asserts: “I am bright, friendly and outgoing.” Her passion is criminal justice, which developed “over the many years of watching Law and Order SVU.” She works at a restaurant, participates in student government, and volunteers at a shelter. Whew!
Miss
KH boldly explains what homecoming queen means to her: it reflects “Irvine Valley College’s tradition of excellence in providing outstanding faculty, staff, departments, organizations and events for student success.” (Whoa!) She seems to run IVC’s cheer team/club. She’s in the Honors Program. She volunteers at the Child Development Center. She works for charities. She helps take care of her great grandmother.
Finally, Miss
JJ explains that she expects eventually to earn a doctorate in “Corporate Law.” She “shows dedication and passion,” she says. She is in many programs and is a member of several clubs. She volunteers at a rescue mission. She’s working on a novel. She appears to be doing ten or twenty things. How? Why?
She ends by saying that she “has a soap collection of little bars of soap shaped like animals and famous landmarks. She likes penguins, singing in the shower and walks on the beach (haha).”
Five of these eight kids appear to be “ethnic,” as they say, representing four or five cultures. But all eight of them seem to be essentially the same impossible and inexplicable kid, whirring aggressively, confidently, unimpeded by thought or worry.
Good grief.
In the shuffling madness
Of the locomotive breath,
Runs the all-time loser,
Headlong to his death.
He feels the piston scraping --
Steam breaking on his brow --
Old Charlie stole the handle and
The train won't stop going --
No way to slow down.
He sees his children jumping off
At the stations -- one by one.
His woman and his best friend --
In bed and having fun.
He's crawling down the corridor
On his hands and knees --
Old Charlie stole the handle and
The train won't stop going --
No way to slow down.
He hears the silence howling --
Catches angels as they fall.
And the all-time winner
Has got him by the balls.
He picks up Gideon's Bible --
Open at page one --
God stole the handle and
The train won't stop going --
No way to slow down. -- 1971
Fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa
Fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa
I am a dull and simple lad
Can not tell water from champagne
And I have never met the Queen
And I wish I could have all that he has got
I wish I could be like David Watts
Fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa
Fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa
And when I lie on my pillow at night
I dream I could fight like David Watts
Lead the school team to victory
And take my exams and pass the lot
(Wish I could be)
Wish I could be like David Watts
(Wish I could be)
Wish I could be like David Watts
(Wish I could be)
Conduct my life like David Watts
(Wish I could be)
I wish I could be like David Watts
Fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa
Fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa
He is the head boy at the school
He is the captain of the team
He is so gay and fancy free
And I wish all his money belonged to me
I wish I could be like David Watts
Fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa
Fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa
And all the girls in the neighborhood
Try to go out with David Watts
They try their best but can't succeed
For he is of pure and noble breed
Wish I could be like
Wish I could be like
Wish I could be like
Fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa
Fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa (1967)
