Monday, December 15, 2008

A philosophical question

By now, no doubt you've heard about the infamous Bush "shoe" incident. Somebody tried to hit the Commander-in-chief with a shoe! Then another! It's alarming! (See the disturbing video at the end of this post.)

Now, we here at Dissent the Blog in no way condone shoe-pelting, here or abroad. Still, we couldn't help but ask ourselves, "What if someone were to throw a shoe at Raghu P. Mathur?"

What kind of shoe should one throw?

This is what's known as a philosophical question. It has no bearing or relevance to reality whatsoever. I've been teaching the subject (i.e., philosophy) for 25 years, and I know. In reality, no one is going to throw a shoe at Raghu, nor should anyone get the notion to do so. So our question is way whimsical, fey even.

Still, it is important to ask: What kind of shoe should one throw at the fellow, if one were to throw a shoe at him (which, naturally, one would never do)?

What about flip-flops? They have marvelous flight characteristics, and they're cheap, so you don't mind givin' 'em up. Plus they're almost guaranteed not to hurt the stupid fellow.

Ah, yes, but thongs' celebrated lift is more a hindrance than a help, for, once launched, they go all akimbo, like a freakin' Sopwith Camel.

OK, what about the ever-popular "beer stein" shoe? It is reputed to go straight and true when launched, like a Fokker D.VII.

Yeah, but obviously you'd waste beer. My German heritage wouldn't allow it.

Let's get logical. What would be the most appropriate shoes to toss at the Gooster?

Why, of course, it would be a pair of rat slippers!


Yeah, but you've gotta kill rats to make rat slippers, and I'm an animal rights guy, so that's definitely out.

What about blue clown shoes? —Big ones? They're certainly appropriate! Even the trustees think Mathur is a clown, though not necessarily a blue one.

Yeah, but you'd have to wear 'em into the building before pelting him with them, and they kind of stand out like neon pontoons.

Devil-feet shoes then! Nope. He'd just catch 'em and slip 'em on, and nobody'd know the difference, and that would just take the starch out of the whole thing.

As you know, Raghu's nickname is "Goo," and "guh" means "sh*t" in Hindi. (The district's lawyers told me this.) So what about a pair of goo-encrusted sneakers?


Nah. You wouldn't wanna get any goo on you.

Green alligator high-tops then? Nope. They're much too valuable to toss away. It would be like tossing the guy a Gucci bag. Not me, brother.

How about those incredibly stupid wooden shoes? Nah. The Dutch have never done me any harm. Why drag them into this? (I don't hold the marijuana thing against 'em, though maybe I should.)

These philosophical questions are hard!

Let's try this: What kind of shoe would Raghu want tossed at 'im? Well, maybe he'd like some patriotic sneakers hurtling at his ugly mug! He always wears that stupid flag pin, so red-white-'n'-blue tennies seem like a good bet.

Yeah, but I don't want to implicate Old Glory in this thing. I'm an Eagle Scout, you know. I know about flag etiquette.

Well, I'll be thinking on this. Somebody sent me some more suggestions, but I dunno. Check 'em out.

Led diving boots. Hard to throw. Probably lethal, too. No good.

Mud-caked work boots? Too dignified. We're talking about pelting Raghu, remember?

Stone boots? I don't know how anybody ever gets 'em on!

* * * * *
I just heard that the SOCCCD Faculty Association's negotiations have been concluded. Check it out!

George Bush attacked with shoes:


Flying a Sopwith Camel:


Flying a Fokker D.VII:

OC in the rain: weird scenes from a Chrysler 300

Toll road tunnel, this morning. (Click on the photos to make them weirder.)

Toll road, above the 5, approaching Barranca, Irvine.

Looking up at the oak canopy, Lambrose Canyon Road.

Approaching my driveway, Live Oak Canyon.

Going up Harris Grade, above Cook's Corner.

Oaks along Lambrose Canyon.

Song for the Season

Last week, Rebel Girl's son came home from school and reported: "There was a sheet of paper that asked what relgion our family believed in." (He said it just like that.)

"What did you do?" she asked.

"I was confused at first but then I wrote that our family belived in being good to people."

Excellent," she replied.

Now, here's one of our favorites: Dar Williams sings her "The Christians and the Pagans."

Sing along:


Amber called her uncle, said, "We're up here for the holiday,
Jane and I were having Solstice, now we need a place to stay."
And her Christ-loving uncle watched his wife hang Mary on a tree,
He watched his son hang candy canes all made with red dye number three.
He told his niece, "It's Christmas Eve, I know our life is not your style."
She said, "Christmas is like Solstice, and we miss you and it's been awhile."

So the Christians and the Pagans sat together at the table,
Finding faith and common ground the best that they were able,
And just before the meal was served, hands were held and prayers were said,
Sending hope for peace on earth to all their gods and goddesses.

The food was great, the tree plugged in, the meal had gone without a hitch,
Till Timmy turned to Amber and said, "Is it true that you're a wtich?"
His mom jumped up and said, "The pies are burning," and she hit the kitchen,
And it was Jane who spoke. She said, "It's true, your cousin's not a Christian,
but we love trees, we love the snow, the friends we have, the world we share,
And you find magic from your god, and we find magic everywhere."

So the Christians and the Pagans sat together at the table,
Finding faith and common ground the best that they were able,
And where does magic come from? I think magic's in the learning,
'Cause now when Christians sit with Pagans only pumpkin pies are burning.

When Amber tried to do the dishes, her aunt said, "Really, no, don't bother."
Amber's uncle saw how Amber looked like Tim and like her father.
He thought about his brother, how they hadn't spoken in a year,
He thought he'd call him up and say, "It's Christmas and your daughter's here.
He thought of fathers, sons and brothers, saw his own son tug his sleeve, saying,
"Can I be a pagan?" Dad said, "We'll discuss it when they leave."

So the Christians and the Pagans sat together at the table,
Finding faith and common ground the best that they were able,
Lighting trees in darkness, learning new ways from the old, and
Making sense of history and drawing warmth out of the cold
.

Roy's obituary in LA Times and Register: "we were lucky to have you while we did"

  This ran in the Sunday December 24, 2023 edition of the Los Angeles Times and the Orange County Register : July 14, 1955 - November 20, 2...