Tom Fuentes and Raghu Mathur on parade

See previous parade coverage: A straw hat, a kingly wave.
Image taken from Tracy's latest district News Update
Oddly, I found a nearly identical image on the FBI's Most Wanted Satanists website:

Go figure!

Pumpkin seeds, pumpkin heads

SKY PUMPKIN. Leave it to the OC Register to call a skymark a landmark.

Orange County’s new “landmark” is up and floatin’. You can climb aboard starting on Bastille Day.

Evidently, the balloon has seats in the shape of pumpkin seeds.

The craft is pretty untested, and so we’re hoping to invite Chancellor Raghu P. Mathur out to take the first ride.

HONORING THOSE WHO SERVED. Did you catch this yesterday? City to discuss memorial fund: The Saddleback College Veterans Committee is asking for a $5,000 donation:

The Laguna Hills City Council will discuss the possibility of contributing funds to construct a memorial on the Saddleback College campus at its Tuesday meeting.

The Saddleback College Veterans Committee is asking for a donation from the city in the amount of $5,000. The total estimate of the cost is $200,000.

The memorial will honor the local community and the faculty, staff and students of Saddleback College who have served in the armed forces….

TIME FOR PIE. Also, yesterday, the OC Reg reported on a group of local idiots: Ghost hunters sniff out paranormal activity:

…Lights flash in the blue-black night. Shadowy human figures hunch low to the ground, running wands over cold, marble gravestones.

The Orange County Ghost Hunters are at work.

…Formed two years ago, the Orange County Ghost Hunters deploy high-tech equipment and expertise to investigate suspected haunted spots around Southern California. Investigations have taken them to cemeteries, of course, … abandoned mental institutions and … the highly acclaimed Anaheim White House Restaurant.

…The Rev. Diana Akroyd … leads them. A Huntington Beach resident, she is the group's chief investigator and describes herself as a spiritualist, a medium and a demonologist ….

…Orbs are a common occurrence during paranormal investigations, … explains [one of the ghost hunters]. They show up in digital photos looking like raindrops or dust motes – but they won't show up in photos taken immediately after from the same angle.

…"Major orbage!" Akroyd hollers…Her eyes are fixed on the glowing view screen of her digital camera.

"You guys are surrounded by orbs."

…This night, in the end, after canvassing the whole cemetery, the Orange County Ghost Hunters don't turn up much other than the orbs and some odd electro-magnetic readings around a stone shed.

…"We research, gather information and learn more," Akroyd says. "It's the supernatural, the paranormal. You can't prove anything….”….

The Orange County Ghost Hunters tread back to their cars, pile themselves and the equipment in, and head off to a ritual after late-night expeditions – to a Denny's for pie.

Orangutang County

This morning’s Orange County Register reports on a National panel to study Little Saigon. Evidently, “A panel of land-use experts will do an in-depth study in Little Saigon this October to gauge the area's economic viability and its potential for future development,” or so said city officials.

Three readers—“I object,” JC, and “This is America”—left comments:

The latter wrote:

I have a problem with areas of our Nation named after foreign lands, [sic] also make your signs in english [sic], THIS IS AMERICA!

—Yeah, in “english.”

Idjit.

JC wrote:

The experts should study Little Saigon and they [sic] give their secret to South Central LA and Santa Ana. Funny how one area can thrive and others wallow in crime, disease and poverty. Gee, what a difference a race makes.

Garsh. I’m having trouble understanding this. Is JC saying that the Vietnamese are one of the good “races” or one of the bad ones?

“I object” wrote:

I also object to all the towns with foreign names. What goes? This is the United States of America! Not, saigon, china, korea, mexico, [sic] etc. If those people are so ashamed of living in America, what the heck are they doing here? Speak English and quit using the dang signs in your language! We American's [sic] are being screwed!

Oh my.

Under “reader’s [sic] comments,” the Reg advises:

We want this to be a place where people discuss and debate ideas that foster stronger communities. We built this for you. Please take care of it. Tolerate broad thinking, but take action against obscene or hateful material. Make it a credible and safe place worth preserving and sharing.

Under “Add your comments,” they write:

Please follow and enforce these guidelines:

1. No flaming. Do not be hostile.
2. No comments that are obscene, vulgar, lewd, sexually-oriented, threatening, libelous, or illegal.
3. No racial slurs or insults….

Evidently, any reader can flag a comment that, in his opinion, is objectionable.

I didn’t flag any because I’m into free speech. But sheesh.

▲ ▲ ▲

UPDATE (12:45 p.m.):

Below are the most recent comments that the above article has received. No doubt the Reg will delete some of them soon.

“This is America’s” comment was deleted—I guess it offended someone—but he added a new one.

And who do you suppose Captain America is?

• • • •

Oops. Didn't mean to call the guy ["This is America"] a moron. I meant to refer to the guy who doesn't know that the word English is capitalized and who seems unaware that every other place name in this country refers to a foreign place. That's what I meant to say. Also, I would punctuate properly here, but the Reg computer freaks out if you use quotation marks or colons. Must be designed by some of those silly foreigners.

Captain America - Jul 09, 2007 12:43:00 PM

I hate them both. We should have nuke [sic] them also.

matt - Jul 09, 2007 12:35:47 PM

I do not know what is worse? [sic] Them little yellow people or them wabs?

Uncle Sam - Jul 09, 2007 12:34:03 PM

How nice that all the immigrants are deleting the proAmerican post. America is no longer a melting pot where different ethnic groups blend together for the betterment of our nation. It is now a toilet bowl where we get every other nations cra9 [sic]

This is America - Jul 09, 2007 12:26:48 PM

Hey everybody, don't flag comments. Everyone has a right to be heard. Even morons. I'm already starting to miss the original, now deleted, moron.

Captain America - Jul 09, 2007 12:25:52 PM

How come so many of your readers can't spell or punctuate properly? And are they really unaware that, until relatively recently, English was a foreign tongue on this continent? And how come the guy who writes the headings for the Reg doesn't know where to put the apostrophe? Must be ignorant foreigners.

Moe Ran - Jul 09, 2007 12:22:35 PM

New York is named after a foreign land. I guess we'd better rename it. Plus what about all those foreign-sounding place names here in California? Boy, your readers sure have some good ideas.

Wit Null - Jul 09, 2007 12:04:46 PM

Your reporter's name is "foreign." I guess he hates America.

Jose Blanco - Jul 09, 2007 12:00:00 PM

Scenes from a party

Young Sarah, who is four and a half, loves dinosaurs. The other day, she asked this question: "If, when the dinosaurs disappeared, people appeared, who will appear after we disappear?"

Last week, I introduced Sarah to Photoshop. Starting with a photo of me, we quickly came up with the above graphic. Sarah thought it was very funny. I almost started telling her about Rasputin. But, no.

The party kids: Luca, Adam, Sarah, Lilliana.

Demolishing the reminders

THIS MORNING'S OC Register offers a typically chirpy story about the Demolition of the defunct El Toro Marine Base

Now, in case you haven’t noticed, I’m a positive guy, and I’ve been boosting and celebrating the Great Park project, which is slowly supplanting the base with all manner of eco-friendly whiz-bangery (to be surrounded by more housing developments—d'oh!).

I’ve been boosting ATEP, too, which is our district’s development of about 60 acres of the old Tustin Helicopter Station, home of those enormous and supremely cool blimp hangers that manage simultaneously to be in the middle of OC and in the middle of nowhere.

Well, anyway, the Reg chirps that

Every week another building falls at the old El Toro Marine Corps air base. Offices, barracks and homes all are appearing again in piles of wood, concrete, doors, windows and more to be recycled…The Lennar Corp. has been demolishing some of the buildings, trees, asphalt and concrete on its property that surrounds the future Great Park….

As though tearing things down were the most wonderful thing a body could do, the Reg gushes forth with: “Here is what Lennar has demolished as of June’s end[!]….” It then lists over 1,000 structures.

THIS OLD HOUSE

Now, I’ve got mixed feeling about some of this demolition because I love history and I love old buildings and I especially love old buildings with history. I mean, I always feel like hugging them or something.

That’s why, twenty years ago, Kathie and I bought a “historic” house in old town Orange. That was great until I asked my crazy brother Ray to “retrofit” the place, earthquakewise, and he crawled under there and started laughing, and I said, “what’s so funny?”—and Ray, being Ray, wouldn’t tell me, he just laughed, only harder. And he crawled out from under there and finally said, “Man, your house isn’t even attached to this dumb-ass foundation! In an earthquake, your place will just bounce down the street and fall into the Orange Plunge!”

Har har, very funny, I said. But Ray loved to laugh at things, and he was on a roll. He pointed to the roof. “What’s that?” he asked.

“The friggin’ roof,” I said.

“No, I mean, what’s up there?”

That old house, built in 1903, had a skinny, haunted-house kind of chimney poking out of the middle of its roof. It was way cool.

“You’ve got a chimney,” said Ray, but there are no bricks under your house!” He beamed at me.

It took me about a second to process the brick factoid. Then we busted out with hearty peals of laughter. —They had built the chimney on top of the floor, which hovered three or four feet above the earth to which this house was not particularly attached.

That meant that, in an earthquake, the chimney would be free to rip around like a lead ball in a birthday cake.

Ever been to Angelo’s and Vinci’s Ristorante in downtown Fullerton? When it comes to extremely cool old deathtraps, it doesn’t get much better than that. Going there is like munching on a pizza while skydiving in John Wilkes Booth’s suit. (No doubt it's been properly retrofitted, but c'mon.)

Orange County has lots of wonderful old structures, but they're disappearing. And most people don't seem to care about that. Most people are idiots, I say.

COOL MILITARY STRUCTURES

They’re probably death traps, but you’ve gotta love some of those old buildings at the Tustin Base and El Toro. A couple of days ago, I took some snaps of this one:


I don’t know what it was—some kind of hanger—but it’s absolutely fabulous. No doubt, they’re just gonna rip it down, and that’s too bad.

Above: chapel on ATEP property (Tustin Helicopter Station).

NEGATIVITY

OK, BUT HERE'S THE THING. When it comes to these old Marine facilities, people never seem to say what needs saying, in my opinion. It’s this: the conditions that these Marines live and work in are squalid.

Well, maybe not squalid, but consistently shoddy, ugly, and substandard.

I taught out at the base about twenty years ago, and I recall that the building I was assigned to was old, but not in a cool way. It was dusty, ugly, poorly designed, and badly maintained. There was no AC—OK, I get it, Marines are tough—but there was no ventilation either. Everybody sweated profusely in the thick, still air.

I kept expecting some gal to pop her head through the door asking somebody if they'd bust up her chifforobe.

I recall fanning myself, saying, "Man, it's hot in here." The Marines would just stare. I expected a private to ask, “How come they put us in this shitty room?” But nobody ever said that. They were used to shittitude.

Years ago, I drove by the officer housing against the hills along Trabuco Road, and I used to think, “Jeez, if this is where they keep the officers, they must keep the grunts in total shitboxes.” I would look over at what appeared to be basic Marine housing, and, sure enough, I saw seriously cheap apartment buildings, surrounded by dirt, pounded by the sun.

Somebody told me once that those cheap apartment buildings were a a big step up from what they replaced. Old quanset huts, I guess.

PICS

Well, a couple of days ago, I took some pics of Marine housing too:

This appears to be family housing. It probably looked better ten years ago. Still, it's undeniably minimal. Strictly cheapy.

To the right, we see typical Marine apartments. Obviously, made on the cheap, cheap, cheap.

The credit union was in this permanently temporary shitbox:


Clearly, at one point, this old theater was remodeled, using cheap, inappropriate, ugly stucko.


I know: nothing new here. We treat our soldiers and veterans like crap. So what else is new?

Yeah, but at least let’s be honest about it. Let's not act like it isn’t right there in front of us, as plain as day.

No doubt, everyone will be relieved when the evidence of our never-ending shittiness is entirely hauled away, replaced by a beautiful New Agey park.

Presidential chutzpah!

A FRIEND sent me this Sac Bee article about the recent resignation of the President of Lassen College, Homer Cissell—an entertainingly corrupt fellow, it seems.

My friend writes: “some leaders know when to quit.” No doubt, she was alluding to one of the many deficiencies of SOCCCD's "leader," namely, Chancellor Raghu P. Mathur, whom our board seems determined to support no matter what he does or fails to do.

According to the Sacramento Bee,

Homer Cissell, president of Lassen Community College since 2002, resigned Thursday in the midst of a crisis that includes academic probation, declining enrollment and a projected deficit of more than $1 million.

…The college with about 1,600 full-time students has been on academic probation since January, when an accreditation commission found "a pathological college culture" and a power struggle that "has crippled the college governance structure."

Last month, critics of the college administration launched a campaign to oust four members of the governing board.

Citing a 20 percent drop in enrollment, financial deficits and "a failed administration," the recall committee targeted the four trustees who have "consistently supported Cissell without question," said Carole Hack, one of the recall proponents.

…A native of Illinois, Cissell had 25 years of college teaching and administrative experience when he arrived on the Lassen College campus near Susanville. The college had 2,600 full-time students and had just learned that its accreditation had been reinstated after six years on academic probation.

…Cissell said one of his proudest accomplishments is obtaining $1.8 million in grants for a campus computer system that will allow students to register, add and drop classes and pay bills online.

But his Lassen legacy also includes a faculty vote of no confidence, a class-action lawsuit alleging discrimination, and a 2006 grand jury report citing several incidents involving abuse of power by Cissell.

A state attorney general review of the grand jury allegations found Cissell's actions "somewhat unorthodox" but not illegal…. (My emphases throughout.)

Naturally, one wants to know more about these “unorthodox” but “not illegal” actions.

According to a year-old Chronicle article (which refers to an article in the Lassen County News),

the jury found that the president, Homer L. Cissell Jr., arranged to be the only student in a carpentry course one of whose objectives was to remodel a barn where he keeps two horses.

Wow. Homer L. Cissell, we wish you well!

See also China sentences official to death for corruption

A straw hat, a kingly wave

"Man is a military animal, glories in gunpowder, and loves parade."

—Philip James Bailey

AS YOU KNOW, parades are stupid. No intelligent person who witnesses a parade is not stunned and amazed by its inanity.

That doesn't mean he or she can't enjoy it.

In the 17th Century, the word “parade” meant an “ostentatious display.” (My, how vulgar.) Pretty soon, the word could be used to refer to the “assembling or mustering of troops for inspection or display, esp. at set hours.” (Oxford English Dictionary)

Not long after its appearance, the word started to refer to ostentation or raw power on the move. (Doubly vulgar!)

That’s our word.

Now, it is true that there was a time, not so long ago, when one could present something impressive to a multitude only by parading it in front of them. For instance, when I was a child, I, and millions of others, could see the Queen of England in the flesh only because she zipped by us in a motorcade. I remember her as a flash of pink, a gloved hand.

Nowadays, of course, they could tie the Queen to the end of a rope and fly her around from city to city, pleasing millions more.

And yet, still, we have parades!


AN UNSAVORY THING

Let’s face it, parades arose from and with vulgarity, and vulgarity attends them still. In fact, there is little about parades that isn’t embarrassing and even unwholesome.

Think about it: If you had to work with one of two people, and one of ‘em loves parades while the other hates ‘em, who are you gonna pick? Well, it’s pretty obvious, isn’t it?

And who would want to be IN a friggin’ parade? No doubt, most paraders parade involuntarily. You can’t blame ‘em for their ostentation. I get that.

But what about paraders who seek being objects of vulgar paradery? You know the sort I’m talking about.

And what about those who do that year after year, without fail? Every time you look up, there they are again, waving at the multitude!

Why, they’re narcissistic rat bastards. Obviously.

LEPRECHAUN

Years ago, I was at a colleague’s home for dinner. He told a story of coming across the yearly Lake Forest parade (it had a different name then). He couldn’t avoid it, cuz he lived there then.

At one point, to his surprise, he observed Raghu P. Mathur in the goddam parade! That's right, Raghu P. Mathur.

According to my friend’s story—I might have the details wrong—Mathur was waving to the crowd from a car while dressed as a leprechaun!

That’s another thing about parades. There’s no dignity in them, especially for participants.

Dignity-wise, willing participants may as well stick a flag pole where the sun doesn’t shine. It’s bad enough wanting to be seen by multitudes—“I am important. Behold me.”—but wanting to be seen by multitudes while wearing some stupid hat or costume? Now, that’s just sicko.

At the time, Mathur was a lowly chemistry teacher at Irvine Valley College, but, by hook or by crook, he had snagged a seat on a local school board, and so he counted as a local “official.” Hence, his paradery.

By 1997, again by hook or by crook (crook), Mathur managed to situate himself as interim president of Irvine Valley College. Thanks to the SOCCCD board’s indifference to the law, a few months later, Mathur was appointed permanent president.

Rumors began to fly that the fellow was back in the parade.

In 2001, after Mathur had received two massive votes of “no confidence,” the board naturally decided to make Mathur Chancellor of the entire district.

The rumors continued.

HUCK FRIGGIN' FINN

Last year, we reported that Mathur was again spotted in the Lake Forest parade. According to our source, sitting next to him was Thomas Fuentes, a notoriously ruthless and disagreeable fellow with a broad “I hate you” smile. I can see why somebody might want to take a gander at that guy. It’s like seeing a famous criminal.

Yesterday, the source wrote me a quick email. He offered a riddle:

Where can you find six llamas, some Scottish bagpipers, a shiny OC Waste Management truck (complete with a precision drill team, rolling shiny trash containers), Thomas Fuentes, and Raghu P. Mathur?

He had witnessed the annual Lake Forest 4th of July parade!

I asked him for details. He wrote back:

I never expect to see them, so it is always a bit of a shock. Last year they were on top of the back seat of a convertible and Oscar and I were waving like idiots because it didn't register who they were until they were upon us! I still have nightmares.

This year they sat down in the back of a Cadillac. I spotted them earlier this time, so I was able to smack down Oscar’s wildly waving arm before they got to us. (Poor Oscar.) Raghu donned a straw hat and waved a kingly wave. Tom, hatless but unfortunately not headless, waved hugely and yelled “Happy 4th of July” to everyone.

I felt a chill. Had Oscar and I remained on the other side of the street, where we had just been, our faces would have been about five feet from these two. Yikes!

Straw hat?! A friggin' straw hat!? ■

See also
• Tom and Raghu poop on our parade
• Lake Forest parade
• Narcissus (Mathur)