SO THERE I WAS, today, at IVC. I was done with exams for the day, and that’s when I remembered the Board Forum down at Saddleback College!
I drove down there and headed straight for the Student Services Center, upper floor, the scene of many a union midday feedbaggery. The Forum was set for 3:00 p.m., and, when I entered the hall, sure enough, it was 3:00 exactly, only there wasn’t a soul in the audience. Naturally, I sat smack dab in the middle of the empty rows of chairs, next to the lonely microphone stand. Meanwhile, worried trustees and administrators mingled and yacked along the periphery.
By about 3:04, a woman appeared two rows behind me, and, soon, more folks started seating themselves. But they were mostly the usual suspects—faculty and classified leadership.
By 3:10, the audience had swelled to about 15—that only made the audience seem thinner—and that’s about when Board President Dave Lang got things rolling:
Any public comments?
Nope, said Robina. “No public either,” she almost said.
Marcia Milchiker led us in a “moment of silence,” which was kinda nice, but it was followed by Mr. Fuentes’ typically pompous introduction to the Pledge—something about “the cause of freedom around the world.”
Lang explained about the forum, how members of the community could enter into discussion, and so on. He mentioned that the board had held a forum not long ago at Irvine Valley College, and that had been pretty successful. (Only the usual suspects showed for that one, too.)
So, with a daffy smile, Dave opened up the floor to questions and comments.
Silence. Horrible silence.
“Adjourned!”, someone shouted. Yuk yuk yuk.
Silence? No problem: Fuentes coughed something up. That’s right, the man can always cough up some kinda hairball, all smiley-faced. He’s been traveling, he said, from Washington, D.C., for meetings, to the University of Alabama, in Tuscaloosa, for his daughter's graduation. He liked the U of A's grounds. The buildings there, he said with a twinkle, date back to what Alabamians call “the war of Northern aggression.”
He said, self-importantly, that he came back from his trip “a more grateful member of the community.”
Jeez, if he wants to say something, why doesn't he just spit it out? Was he saying that at least we don't live in Alabama? Was that it?
Lang yammered about the recent scholarship events at the two colleges. He hopped on the "gratefulness" bandwagon.
He's a quisling and a pinhead.
A classified leader finally walked up to the mike and suggested that the college isn’t spending enough money on maintenance. If, he said, the college would spend more on routine, day-to-day maintenance, we probably wouldn’t have to shell out so much on crumbling and rotting buildings like BGS. Plus what about Basic Aid?
Chancellor Mathur took the opportunity to pat himself on the back. Colleges, he said, should identify maintenance needs and develop a maintenance plan. Years ago, they didn’t do that, but now (get it?) they do, he said. “Me me me,” he added. (At another point, he referred to the important work of some committee, adding "a committee I started.")
Lang jumped in to acknowledge that maintenance does tend to get “short shrift.” Too bad about that, he seemed to say. Too bad for you.
A classified guy who works in Saddleback’s TV studio fretted about the fate of the studio during relocation—an event necessitated by the notorious dilapitude and stinkitude of the Library Building.
Mathur declared, peevishly, that such worries were “premature.” We’ve not yet exhausted the “administrative process,” he said, and so that’s why he hasn’t clued the board in on this kind of problem.
Sounded defensive to me.
There was another horrible lull, and so I stood up and asked about ATEP. Park Ranger Bob explained that construction is moving forward at the Tustin facility and they’ll be offering about 35 classes in the fall. There’s a big marketing campaign, too, and the “partnerships” are moving along. The Camelot people are working with the district on agreements and such. That Bob sure can be pithy.
It was 3:26—fifteen minutes into the meeting—and there was another lull. I saw Lang glance horribly up at the clock. He seemed to wince. “Good Lord!”
Mathur said something about data, but nobody listened.
Apparently desperate, Fuentes mentioned the recent fate of former Student Trustee Paul Ho (a friend of mine), who was attacked last week by three thugs in a park. He had just finished his finals (at Columbia). One of his eyes was damaged and he might need facial surgery. Some of us heard about this late last week. Bad news.
Saddelback’s student president got up to sing the praises of the college’s mental health facilities. She chirped about the Vagina Monologues, too. Wagner stared.
A woman came up to say the usual positive things about scholarships. Thank you, thank you, thank you. She was as pleased as punch.
There was another lull. I got up to remind the chancellor that, a year ago, he had visited my own School of Humanities and Languages (at IVC), where he got an earful of complaint (not from me, by the way) about the lack of reassigned time for academic chairs. I explained that the situation in my school has grown worse, that, right now, the English Department is having a devil of a time finding an experienced member of the School who is willing to serve as chair. The situation is bad, I said. The School is suffering.
Mathur was annoyed. It’s a matter of “compensation,” he said, so go tell the union. Yeah, I said, but what’s your view on the matter? Same thing, he said. Plus its up to the colleges. If the college president decides that there should be reassigned time for academic chairs, then he can recommend that.
OK, I said, so if our president recommends reassigned time for academic chairs, will you accept that recommendation? At some point, Mathur announced that he wasn’t going to answer any more of my questions.
I figured, what the hell? So I mentioned that he keeps coming around my school to say that he’s gonna help us out, but where’s the help? I remember when he came around sympathizing with our complaint that we are the biggest School on campus and we seem to be last on the list for our own building. "I'll be your advocate!", he seemed to say. That was, like, five years ago.
Nothin'.
Lang did what he always does. He said: “This isn’t a dialogue between you and the chancellor.” So that was that. Nothing real may be discussed, evidently.
That’s when Fuentes popped up like a salmon to ask if there was anybody out there “who doesn’t receive a check from the district”? We all looked around, stared at each other.
Nobody like that around here. Nope. Silence.
A woman got up, genuflected, and asked for more staff development bucks. Mathur patted her on the head.
Mary Williams got up to ask, not for the first time, for some sort of summer scheduling change that would minimize gas consumption. Is the answer “still no?”, she asked. That’s another “negotiated” item, said Mathur.
Some Forum.
He announced an upcoming “open house,” with “real cop donuts.” That got a laugh.
Randy Anderson got up to ask for closed captioning of board meeting broadcasts, etc. Everybody seemed to like that idea. Machines whirred into motion! Tracy jumped up and headed somewhere, I think. (Well, no.)
Just a few minutes before the meeting’s end, John Williams finally showed up. He had just enough time to ride his hobby horse—that it’s just a matter of time before there’ll be another incident like the one at Virginia Tech. Officers need to be given the tools they need to do their job, he said, tautologically. “We need to have a safe environment…Times are changing…These things didn’t used to happen,” etc.
Mathur mentioned the “Stadium” initiative (the idea of building IVC's first stadium and a new one for Saddleback College). At the last board meeting, architects reported the likely cost of these projects, and it was alarmingly high, so they were told to go back and produce Plan B, the Cheapy Plan.
This led to the usual snipery between Mathur and Padberg—even Fuentes got in on the act. "$35 million is too much!" "Who ever said anything like $35 million? It's only $25 million!" "Oh yeah, we get these figures and it ends up being $50 million!"
The usual eyes rolled.
And that was about it.
BOARD MEETING, SEPT. 14
by Chunk Wheeler
When I arrived at 6:55, about thirty-five people were waiting for Library 105’s door to open, a number that grew somewhat during the next 50 minutes. As I waited, I spoke with reporters and friends, but I kept noticing Lee Walker skulking in the background. At one point, the Walk Man’s face suddenly appeared from afar through an opening in the crowd; he seemed to be studying my face, I knew not why. Did I mention that he looks like a cross between Sleepy and Grumpy, two of the seven dwarfs? If there is a dwarf named “Incredibly Stupid,” he looks like that one, too….—From the ‘Vine (#7), 9/16/98
Give us our new guns!
The “gun” issue emerged once again. At the last board meeting, campus police chiefs Parmer and Romas asked for money to replace the police forces’ old and relatively unsafe 38s with au courant 9mm weapons. Their presentation established that, if campus cops are going to have guns, then they should be new 9mm jobs, not the old 38s. Trustee Fortune--who, before she decided to call herself a “fiscal conservative,” was active in the Democratic party--emerged that night as a strong proponent of defanging campus cops. (It turns out that most community college cops are gunless; indeed, ours is the only district in OC that arms its cops.) As I recall, then-Chancellor Hodge and Dave Lang agreed with Fortune, which must have been painful for them. In the end, the cops went home without their new guns, but they managed to keep their old ones.
Surprisingly, the issue was back on the agenda on the 14th. Fortune once again spoke to the issue. In her remarks, she demonstrated her uncanny knack for really pissing people off, for, in effect, she called Parmer and Romas liars. You see, after the October board meeting, she called up the Orange County Sheriff’s Dept. and talked to a “fellow” there. She asked him about the safety of 38s.”They’re safe weapons,” said the fellow. (Of course, Parmer and Romas didn’t exactly say that 38s are unsafe; they said that 9mms are relatively safe.) The Fortunate One concluded that she had been lied to or misled by Parmer and Romas. “That’s what you get when you only listen to people with a special interest,” she added. “Let’s spend the money on students, not on guns,” concluded Dot.
In response, chief Romas acknowledged that 38s are not unsafe; but the district’s 38s are old, he said. Lang jumped in to express both his respect for Romas/Parmer and his inclination to disarm them. “Why are we the exception among community college districts in the area?” asked Lang. Frogue opined that it is unwise to leave cops unarmed. Williams, finally finding a topic he cares about, stated that it is a “travesty” to suggest not arming police officers. Apparently addressing Mr. Lang, he said, “Get real.” “Stop living in an ivory castle.” (Yes, an ivory castle.)
Lorch noted that the presence of guns is a deterrent. Fortune shot back by suggesting that the worst thing that happens on our campuses is the theft of car radios (well, not quite), so the cops don’t need guns. “Even the radicals [i.e., Frogue’s racist friends and their equally polite JDL adversaries] who sometimes come to our board meetings aren’t that bad,” she said. At that moment, I felt Dave Lang’s pain.
Student trustee Marie Hill noted that she has seen men removing their shirts and revealing tatoos on campus. “Gang members,” she said. So cops gotta have guns.
Frogue explained that, if only people knew the details--details, he implied, that were suppressed by the press!--of the Lorches’ fabled encounter with violence (?), they would understand the need to arm campus cops. (Huh?) Idiotically, Lorch explained that only someone who has experienced what she experienced knows whether campus cops should have guns. “You don’t know until you’ve experienced this yourself,” she said, thereby marking the nadir of the evening….
(For the entire article, see Williams to Lang: “Stop Living in an Ivory Castle”)
