Remembering Carol Bander: "une dame extraordinaire"

When Saddleback professor Carol Bander retired in 2016 along with two other colleagues, Trustee James Wright quipped from the dais that their combined years of teaching came to a grand total of 101. It’s worth noting that Carol contributed 39 of those 101 years, starting at Saddleback in 1977, when the college was just 9 years old. During those decades, as a professor of ESl and German and colleague extraordinaire, she made a difference in the classroom, on the campus and in the larger community.

Rebel Girl first got to know Carol during the Steve Frogue recall campaigns. Frogue, a champion of conspiracy theories and a supporter of Holocaust deniers, was ensconced on the SOCCCD Board of Trustees in the 90s until a determined coalition of faculty, staff, students and community members unmasked him. Carol and her husband Myron, UCI professor of Physics, were stalwart members of those campaigns, recognizing that what happens in the classroom and in the community is necessarily connected. Intersectionality, as the kids call it today.

Carol Bander died on November 10, at the age of 73.

Dan Rivas, a longtime colleague of Carol’s offered this eulogy at her service which captures so well her spirit and her contributions.

When my partner, Arturo, and I went to see Carol at the hospital in La Jolla, she looked pale and tired. She passed away a few hours later. She had difficulty speaking and her voice was weak. Around 11:30 AM we hugged and kissed and said goodbye. But then, suddenly, she perked up and in a very clear voice she asked us, “Where are you going for lunch?” THAT was Carol. She then proceeded to rattle off the name of several restaurants that we would enjoy.

Carol and I go back a long time. It was 1985, and I had just landed at Saddleback College as Dean of Liberal Arts. Carol was on the Liberal Arts faculty teaching German and English as a Second Language. It didn’t take me long to appreciate what a very special person Carol was, passionately devoted to her students and to the college. “Carol Bander inspired me in so many ways.” “Saddleback’s gem,” “An awesome teacher.” Those are not my words, but those of her former students writing about her. Carol was outgoing, upbeat, enthusiastic about her teaching, always trying new approaches, always looking for ways to make her classes a unique learning experience. Frequently, she would take students to L.A. to concerts, plays, and restaurants. Every semester she would invite her students to her home for pot-lucks and barbeques or, she would simply confiscate the culinary program’s test kitchen at the college to conduct a cooking class, in German, for her students. The result? That sinful Linzer torte, whose fragrant aromas would grace the building’s hallways and offices, making everyone long for at least a crumb of the leftovers.

For Carol, teaching was not just communicating knowledge. It was an adventure; the adventure of engaging her students in a journey of discovery and self-affirmation. Yes, the subjects were certainly there, German or ESL, but it was the medium that gave life to learning. And that medium was Carol, her bubbly personality, her creativity in the classroom, her genuine concern for her students, not only as learners, but also as human beings. She was the champion and spokesperson of ESL students, who frequently came from disadvantaged economic backgrounds are were often undocumented. Her students adored her, showered her with gifts, and flocked to her classes. But as gentle and patient as she was, Carol was also fiercely protective of her programs and her students. She was never unpleasant; she was simply persistently persuasive. She could come up with the most unimaginable reasons for maintaining a low enrolled class that was in danger of being cancelled and, in the end, she prevailed because it was impossible to argue with that level of passion and devotion to students. You see, it was all about them, never about her. It was truly exemplary.

But Carol was not only engaging as an instructor. Saddleback College was much more than a workplace for her. She was highly respected for her work with the Academic Senate, the Faculty Association, and numerous committees and faculty development projects that required much of her time during her long career. Outside the college she was well known for her positions of responsibility in professional organizations at the national, state and local levels. Everyone knew Carol and everyone also knew how valuable she was as a colleague and mentor.

As we gather here this afternoon to say good bye to Carol, I refuse to close this chapter in our lives. The Carol we deeply loved and admired is very much with us right now, at this moment, in our hearts, in our memories, in the lessons of her admirable life. Carol lives, and she lives perhaps more than ever. She lives in the memories of her friends and colleagues, in the thousands of students she taught. She lives in the stories she told us; in the narratives of her unbelievable travel adventures. As we evoke her life, her genuine kindness and generosity, and her professional accomplishments, I am reminded of that wonderful Mexican conviction that informs the celebration of the Day of the Dead and that was so wonderfully exemplified in the film “Coco.” In that tradition, those who have gone before us will always return and be with us as a loving presence but only as long as we remember them and narrate their stories. I, for one, will never be able to walk again into Moulin Bistro and not think of Carol, with whom Arturo and I, and many others, shared not only wonderful food, wine, and conversation on many occasions, but also shared the gift of each other’s presence. That is the Carol I will remember, and I know you will too. We are indeed fortunate for having been part of her life, and just as fortunate for treasuring the wonderful memories we have of her.

IVC ESL professor Colleen Hildebrand who knew Carol from the 80s onward recalls this side of her friend and mentor:

She and her husband Myron filled their lovely home with art and mementos of their visits to more than 100 countries. During one of their trips to Paris, Carol enrolled in the Cordon Bleu and passed (although she was forever bothered by not passing her puff pastry test the first time)! She was a gourmet chef and a true foodie, so anyone lucky enough to be invited to one of her dinner parties will never forget the experience. She knew which restaurants to visit, which bakery to explore no matter where she traveled, so I never had to worry about where I’d be eating when I was with her; she had already done the restaurant and bakery research beforehand. I remember one conversation she and I had about a Rhine riverboat trip I was planning. The land tours included cities in Germany and France. When she heard I was going, she said, “Oh, you must go to Delia’s when you are there!” I thought she meant a city in France. When I returned home, I apologized to her for not going there, and she responded, “Colleen, I wasn’t talking about a French town, I was talking about a bakery in Munich!” Of course Carol would want me to find the best eateries! Ah the world lost a very bright light in the early morning on November 10th when my sweet friend and colleague left us here. As her niece wrote in her FB tribute, Carol did indeed “charm the world” with her intellect & knowledge (she had a PhD and was fluent in several languages), curiosity, fun-loving, adventurous and giving esprit & joie de vivre. Carol was a gift to all of us, une dame extraordinaire who lived life to the fullest and taught us to live ours that way too. I hope is that she’s up in heaven with her beloved Myron and her other loved ones. I envision her with her family and friends at a great dinner party in a beautiful heavenly sky, dining on a feast of scallops, pétrale sole, lobster and duck, with a buttery linzertorte (a dessert she taught all her German students to make), and lifting a glass of fine wine, toasting to a life well-lived.

The Saddleback College ESL website notes that "[a]s her parents were refugees and she grew up bilingually, she brings an extra layer of understanding to her students' situation. She graduated with a B.A. in German from Queens College, City University of New York (Phi Beta Kappa) and with an M.A. and Ph.D. in German from the University of Southern California. She also received her ESL Certificate and secondary credential from the University of California at Irvine."

Longtime colleague and friend Saddleback professor Kathy Smith shared her eulogy:

This is hard.  When Carol asked me to speak today, I had no idea how hard it would be to honor the totality of a woman we all loved so much.  There is no way that mere words can do her justice. Like some of the delicious dishes she enjoyed cooking, she was rich and complex and layered. To quote Susan Stern,“ she was a brilliant teacher, a dedicated professional, an adventurous world traveler, an amazing and creative cook and a lover of all the arts. She kept up with and loved to discuss politics and world events.  She loved to host gatherings and bring people together.  She had a passion for life that drew people to her and enriched their lives.” Where to begin to express the profound effect she had on all of our lives? I found myself writing, then crossing out and starting over again. Draft after draft of what I could say that would truly honor dear Carol. I decided to just talk about my own memories of her…but this is just a small representative piece of who she was to all of us.  I first met Carol in 1978 when Saddleback College was still in its infancy and Carol and Maddy were beginning to develop the ESL program. I met her in a temporary building where she interviewed me for a position as an ESL teacher.  After I went home, I realized that she had her PhD and I had called her Carol or Mrs. Bander! I was mortified that I had not called her Dr. Bander.  I even called and apologized.  I still got the job, but as you all well know, it was never about Carol, although she was brilliant and highly educated and had her PhD, she never made herself the issue or flaunted her accomplishments. With that job began a 40-year friendship that has been the treasure of my life.  Working at Saddleback College was the perfect job for me, but more than that…working alongside Carol and having her friendship was such a privilege and a joy. She gave generously of her help and encouragement to everyone.   When a full time job became available, she encouraged me to apply, although I was quite hesitant because I had young children at home.  She convinced me that I could manage it. I got that job and thus began a new phase of our friendship.  We were Dept. Chairs together, taught together, attended seminars, gave presentations, and attended conferences of professional organizations together.  I am forever grateful that she had such faith in me and pushed me beyond my comfort zone, as she did for many others. I am basically a rather shy person, but her support and enthusiasm inspired me to stretch myself into new territories.  She believed in me probably more than I believed in myself. Her generosity and desire to help others extended to so many of us. With her professionalism and giving spirit, everything we worked on together was with an easy agreement and joy. There were never any harsh words. The complicated job of scheduling teachers and classes didn’t seem like work.  We moved classes and schedules around like puzzle pieces all the while munching on something delicious at her favorite bakery.
 She cajoled and convinced Colleen Hildebrand and me to join her in submitting a presentation to the professional organization TESOL (Teachers of English to speakers of other languages) for their annual conference. When our proposal was accepted, it entailed hours and hours of research and writing and meetings, but those meetings were laughter filled days of creativity.  She was meticulous in all she did and just as we would finish the handout for our presentation, she would come up with 5 or 6 more newspaper articles or pieces of research that should be included, so that our presentation handout grew to as much as 60 pages.  This was just the beginning of many more such presentations and trips together. Carol’s students adored her creativity, honesty and care for them.  She didn’t mind making herself the brunt of a funny story or laughing at herself… as when she left a raw duck in the trunk of the car for weeks, or when she fell into the water off the Balboa Ferry. She was also a champion of the noncredit ESL students who were often the most in need of English and encouragement. I would like also to speak for the thousands of students whose lives she touched and enhanced through her many years of teaching and her tireless devotion and love for those students.
  I will miss sitting at her kitchen table piled high with papers and magazines, drinking coffee and eating cookies or coffee cake or something wonderful she pulled out of her refrigerator that was stacked to the brim with deliciousness. She hosted so many lovely large and small parties with interesting guests and conversations. To paraphrase what Dan Rivas said in his retirement salute to her, “ If you were invited to Carol’s house for dinner, you dropped everything you were doing to come.”  
On one such occasion, when my husband and I arrived for dinner, the top to the blender had flown off while she was making lobster bisque.  The result was lobster all over the ceiling and in her hair and eyelashes, but with her typical good humor, she shrugged it off, wiped it off and carried on with great aplomb.
 We all know that Carol and Myron were intrepid travelers. They traveled to over 100 countries and survived everything from car trouble in the desolate wilds of the Baja peninsula to a horseback ride in a hurricane in Costa Rica. Carol had an undaunted desire to travel. On one occasion she, Colleen and I were scheduled to fly to Puebla, Mexico on Oct. 11, 2001… exactly one month after 9/11.  We were nervous about flying and when we got to the airport very early on a foggy morning, it was surrounded by The National Guard.  There were very few people venturing to travel. It was a bit frightening, but Carol was ready to go anyway…and we did.
 Even in these last few years, when her health had deteriorated and it could be a tiring exercise to haul her oxygen around and walking wasn’t so easy, she was still unstoppable and courageous.  Recently, we took a trip to Cambria.  She came… oxygen tank and all, determined not to let those things hold her back. As usual, her spirit was undiminished and she had found the best restaurants, hotel and wineries.
 I went with her to the recent 50th anniversary celebration at Saddleback College.  It was nice to see old friends and say hello, but when those friends and colleagues saw Carol… their faces lit up with joy and genuine delight to see her.  That was the kind of love she instilled in others. In the end, I think Carol’s most defining characteristic was love.  She put her heart into everything she did, from teaching to traveling to cooking. But her greatest love was… for all of us: her family, friends, colleagues, and students.  Her heart was so large and inclusive that her circle was huge.  She brought people together and I never saw her leave anyone out.  Besides missing her terribly, and wanting to pick up the phone and call her, we are left with a love for her… that we cannot give her. I believe the best way to honor someone you loved is to try to emulate their best qualities.  She taught us how to live graciously with unconditional love, generosity, courage and joy.
 Today, we are all one family in our grief for the loss of someone so adored, whose arms and home and heart were always open to us all.  With Carol, not just the butter was rich, life was rich and full and vibrant.  You can’t have known Carol and not been changed.  Carol Bander, you will not be forgotten, you will live in the hearts of every life you touched. 

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Friends at the the well-attended funeral service tell Rebel Girl that they believe only a single administrator from Saddleback College and the district put in an appearance. Guess which one?

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