Bluto fashions a rude and thorny suggestion box (that remains unused)

"Arrrgh! Don't forget to
leave your name!"

     Years ago, we started hearing a fair amount of grumbling on campus about “the blog”—i.e., DtB. The peevish noise, which grew ever louder, was coming from, let’s say, “the top” of the college.
     (We also detected a failure on the part of these dyspeptic DtB detractors to distinguish between the blog's contributors, a civil lot, and some of the blog's commenters, a crew that can be crude and clueless. We do what we can to discourage crudity & cluelessness, but we also try to leave comments alone, that being necessary to maintaining a truly free forum. Nor should one overreact to such comments when an opportunity to counter them—with corrective comments—is readily available!)
     Eventually, beginning maybe a year or two ago, we started hearing about a plan by administration to counter the blog with some sort of college-sponsored forum.
     Really? Like an IVC blog? What fun!
     “Wow, that would be great,” we said. Mostly, we said that because it was plain to us that administration had grossly underestimated the difficulty of launching a successful forum.
     We waited and waited, but nothing seemed to materialize.
     “I guess they gave up on the idea,” we said, dejectedly.

A fine corrective

     Well, we were wrong. Administration did launch this “forum” thing, it’s just that nobody noticed or cared.
     Where is it? Well, for some time now, upon entering the Inside IVC portal of the new and improved IVC website, one can access an array of forums by pulling down menus on that page.

     For instance, upon moving one’s cursor onto “Committees, Councils, Senates, Task Forces, etc.,” 22 links appear, many of which open to sites with menus including “forums.” The Office of Instruction has a forum. So do the two senates. So does SPOBDC, the committee that makes the really big decisions about strategic planning and budgeting and such.
     So this, I suppose, was what they were talking about—the mythic anti-DtB. The “forum” idea turns out to be a dozen or so forums (or “fora”) buried in corners and crannies of the soulless and life-extinguishing architectonic of “Inside IVC.”

     BUST. But here’s the thing: sadly, this peculiar peppering of forum templates (for they are not really forums any more than an unused telephone is a conversation) appears to be a total BUST. Near as I can tell, nobody’s using these things to opine or carp or throw in their two cents. Nobody.

Accreditation forum posts: 0

     DELIGHTFUL “GUIDELINES.” Now, if you do venture into one of these sad forums, you’ll necessarily pass through an elaborate page of “Irvine Valley College Inside IVC Forum Guidelines.” In a mere 430 words(!), this document informs the prospective forum fulminator that

   The Inside Irvine Valley College Forum is intended to provide the IVC community with a forum to share thoughts, ideas and experiences through discussions and postings. [My emphasis.] We welcome your questions, comments and concerns. We also hope this resource is a source of helpful information. Within the forum, you may share comments, ask and answer questions, discuss points of interest, and give general support to your IVC colleagues.

     OK. You’d think that’d be enough. But no. Then the page goes into the many “restrictions”:

• Discussion topics should stay focused on the items that are related to topics and issues related to College items. This is not a personal discussion forum.
• No strong, foul, or questionable language and all postings must be in made in English.
• No questionable, offensive, or sexual comments can be made. Absolutely no exceptions.
• No anonymous postings.
• ALWAYS be on your best internet behavior: courteous, professional and respectful of fellow members.

     Did the designers of this “forum” idea imagine that anyone would get past this gauntlet of peevitude? What were they thinking?
     But it doesn’t end there, nope. Next, one encounters “recommendations”:

The not-so-great communicator

     Be accurate.
     Make sure that you have all the facts before you post. It's better to verify information with a source first, than to have to post a correction or retraction later. Cite and link to your sources whenever possible; after all, that's how you build community. If you make an error, correct it quickly and visibly. This will earn you respect in the online community.
     Be respectful.
     You are more likely to achieve your goals or sway others to your beliefs if you are constructive and respectful while discussing a bad experience or disagreeing with a concept or a person. Respect copyright and fair use. When posting, be mindful of the copyright and intellectual property rights of others and of the college. Protect your privacy. Your comments are visible to all. Never include your phone number, email address or other personal information in a post.

     Surely they’re done!
     But no:

     By posting any comments, links or other material on an IVC-sponsored web or social media sites, you give Irvine Valley College (IVC) the irrevocable right to reproduce, distribute, publish, display, edit, modify, create derivative works from, and otherwise use your submission for any purpose in any form and on any media. IVC reserves the right to remove any content.

     Oh good. Forum participants are entirely at administration's mercy. They get to exploit and edit what we write. They get to delete it. They get to mess with it. Gee, thanks. I'll give the Accreds your regards.
     But it goes on! One is not to

1. Post material that is unlawful, obscene, defamatory, threatening, harassing, abusive, slanderous, hateful, or embarrassing to any other person or entity as determined by IVC in its sole discretion.
2. Post ads or solicitations of business.
3. Post the same note more than once ("spam").
4. Post chain letters or pyramid schemes.
5. Impersonate another person.
6. Allow any other person or entity to use your identification for posting or viewing comments.

     Then, of course, there’s that “I accept” button. If you don't press that, you don't get to opine.

     Here’s a list of the “forums” I found. They remind me of those ugly and utterly abandoned Soviet-era apartment buildings I saw last year in Gdansk, Poland (an otherwise lovely town). There they were, empty, ugly, impossible to explain—designed by people with great authority and not an ounce of humanity:

Accreditation Forum
AFTPC forum
Civility forum
Manager forum
Academic Senate forum
Distance Education Forum
Classified Senate Forum
College Council Forum
Distance Education Forum
SPOBDC forum
SLO forum
Technology Advisory Taskforce
Office of Instruction forum -- Craig leaves just about the only post: “Are we on the right track in planning our 500 FTES (i.e. very, very small) summer session for 2012? Please post your thougts [sic] here. Thanks.”
So sad.
Library forum -- Someone left this solitary post: “I am just testing this cool new forum.” —And, with that, the dream of IVC-sponsored cyber discussion came to an abysmal end.