Babs Beno’s Theater of the Absurd

The two colleges of our district—Saddleback College and Irvine Valley College—have been dinged repeatedly by the Accreds (the ACCJC), mostly owing to the misadventures and misconduct of our benighted and demagogic board of trustees and their toady, the ruthless and incompetent Chancellor Raghu P. Mathur, G.O.P., Ed.D.

So when the feds got on the accreds’ case for issuing repeated warnings to colleges instead of meting out “consequences” (as they say, staunchly), the pressure was on Babs Beno, the clueless ACCJC Prez, and her crew to start meaning business—or else.

Yeah, but the problem is that Babs and her crew are way south of sharp or competent, and so they’ve been layin’ questionable requirements on colleges that many districts can’t even afford to satisfy (expensive researchers must be hired, etc.). Plus, if you’re really gonna mean business with these sometimes-daffy requirements, you’ve gotta pull the ticket on a shitload of colleges, and that just won’t do, now will it?


Anyway, our two institutions gave it the old college try, and, in the end, they did a pretty good and sincere job (belatedly, in the case of sleepy Saddleback College) trying to satisfy the Accreds and their concerns: trustee micromanagement, the plague of despair, inexplicably vast holes dug into the ground, etc. Reports were written and sent north, and we waited.

The commissioners, Babs Beno presiding, finally met in January and deliberated (whatever that means—maybe they spun a big wheel). They made their decisions. The “action letters” (i.e., the letters explaining the commission's actions per college) were supposed to be mailed on the 31st of January, but, as it happens, the 31st fell on a Saturday. In the past, in such situations, upon request, the ACCJC would go ahead and fax the damn thing on Friday (a day early) so that institutions wouldn’t have to wait until Monday to discover their horrifying fate.

So, naturally, our college requested the fax, and, last Friday, the college waited for said fax. But no fax materialized, which led to the Big Nervous Phone Call. The (unofficial) word was that the Accreds then declared (on the phone) that the Action Letter would be put in the mail that morning (gosh thanks), but the college would have to wait until Monday for the fax. Sheesh!

So the college Big Kids put out an email to everybody that explained that

The College has been informed by the Accreditation Commission that the hard copy of the Accreditation Action Letter … was placed in the mail earlier today, January 30, 2009. The College has requested to be placed on the ACCJC fax list and was informed that the Action Letter will be faxed on Monday…. As soon as the fax is received, the Irvine Valley College community will be informed immediately ….

No biggy. So we’ll wait.

So Monday came around and, again, no fax. Dang! The Senate Prez, clearly peeved, put out an email early Monday afternoon explaining that

The College was supposed to receive the ACCJC Action Letter …, today, February 2, 2009 via facsimile. However, we were informed [today], that the fax from the ACCJC would be delayed until February 3. 2009.

What?! I’m startin’ to get steamed! We're gettin' the run-around!

Hours later, the Big Kids (aka Prez Roquemore and crew) sent out a more official email, which said that

The College has now been informed by the Accreditation Commission that the hard copy of the Accreditation Action Letter … was NOT placed in the mail last Friday, January 30, 2009, after all. The ACCJC now tells us that the faxes will be sent Tuesday, February 3rd. [Emphasis in the original. Note the tone of peevitude.]

Is the ACCJC a crew of clowns? Rat bastard? Maroons?! Well, that's what everybody was saying.

The letter continued:

As soon as the fax is received, President Roquemore will inform the Irvine Valley College community …. If the fax has not been received by noon tomorrow, we will try to provide hourly updates until the fax does arrive.

Hourly freakin’ updates?! Such displays of anxiousness are seriously uncool, dude. Well, whatever.

So, naturally, this morning (Tuesday), the Big Kids waited by the fax machine, but no fax materialized. So they gnashed their teeth and then sent out another email:

The college has not received a fax from the Commission this morning. As soon as the fax is received, President Roquemore will inform the Irvine Valley College community about the outcome. If the fax does not arrive by 1 p.m., President Roquemore will call the Commission and ask for an explanation.

Our next update will be at 5 p.m. today unless the letter is received earlier. Thank you for your patience and understanding.

Smart move. That hourly update thing was way desperate.

Ah, but that wasn’t the end of it. Just after 1:00 p.m., we got another email from Glenn and crew. It was understated:

President Roquemore called the Commission’s office and was informed that the letters will be mailed today and the fax would be sent tomorrow, Wednesday, February 4th. [My emphasis.]

At this point, only a total dope would expect the ACCJC to come through tomorrow. As far as I'm concerned, Babs and her crew have declared war. We need to send Raghu up there immediately to leave a burning sack o’ sh*t on Babs Beno’s doorstep!

April, 2006: Babs Beno visits the SOCCCD (she appears at 6:27)


A perfect illustration of Babs Beno's abject twitulosity. On this night, for no apparent reason, she spoke positively about the two colleges' efforts responding the ACCJC's concerns, despite the manifest recalcitrance of some trustees, who openly rejected the Accreds' worries about trustee micromanagement. "What does this mean?" we asked. "What the hell is going on?" Later, we got dinged pretty badly by the ACCJC, which required yet another progress report.