“Decomposed materials of organic origin”

s you know, dear readers, Dissent has chronicled the IVC A200 “mold monster” story right from the start. When Mr. S was found hyperventilating in a pool of his own drool over by the A200 water cooler, Dissent was there. When some guys were spotted standing and pointing on the roof of A200, Dissent was there. When technicians showed up in A200 with what they called a “really expensive gizmo,” yes, Dissent was there.

Dissent has now secured a copy of a report, dated December 5 (hmmm, why is it circulating only now?), from The Machado Environmental Corporation, a company that, evidently, the college has hired to conduct “limited inspection and testing” of HVAC systems (I think they mean “air conditioning”).

The testing will be in two phases: one before and one after the HVAC systems are cleaned. This particular report concerns phase 1.

Here’s my report on the Machado report:

STINKAGE:

According to Mr. Huff, the author of the Machado report, “A number of sewer vents are all located between three and seven feet from an outside air intake of one or more of the A/C units.” “This situation,” he continues gravely, “could result in complaints from occupants of sewer odors due to sewer gases….”

“Could result in complaints”? Well, yeah, that could happen. But the situation could result in complaints because the situation could result in wafting stinkage.

ROOF:

We now know what those guys were doing on the roof. “The roof was quite clean,” reports Mr. Huff. One wonders what he expected to find up there. Zoroastrian bone yards?

INTERIOR, SMALL OFFICES:

In a section of the report entitled, “Inspection of building interior,” Huff writes that “the [A200] building consists of numerous classrooms and a variety of offices. The office area, apparently for professors and instructors, consists of a number of relatively small offices.”

I’m glad he noticed the smallness of our offices. He is pleased by the "variety" of office configurations. That's nice.

Huff says that, in the few offices he could enter—many, he says, were “locked”; apparently, no one had bothered to arrange for Huff’s crew to actually enter anything—things looked pretty good.

“No unpleasant odor,” writes Mr. Huff. Evidently, at least one hallway was stink-free. Oh good.

IT STINKS LIKE THREE GUYS, NOT TWO:

On the other hand, “The supply vents in some of the offices were closed or nearly closed.” Huff seems to focus on one hell hole in particular: “In the Kaufman [sic] /Frets office the supply vent was almost completely closed. There were three desks in this office, suggesting three occupants. [Nope. Just two.] The supply vent appeared to have mold growth on the exposed surface.”

Um, what's the point of noting that three people occupy this space? Can somebody explain that to me? Is Huff thinking that, if toxins are gonna fill the room it's best to keep the number down to two?

Further, writes Huff, “We inspected the supply vents in a number of classrooms. Each of the supply vents we inspected was dirty inside….”

Well, to make a long story short, a “surface sample” was taken from the supply vent in the “Kaufman office.” This and some air samples were sent to a laboratory for “analysis by direct microscopy.”

That sounds pretty technical. It's science.

KAUFMAN HOSTS SPORES:

The result: “Analysis of…[air samples throughout the building] revealed only background or normal mold spore levels….”

Mostly, the samples didn’t show much, but then there's the hell hole sample: “Kaufman’s supply vent had very high levels of fungal hyphae and fungal spores, which is consistent with the mold growth detected there.”

That can’t be good.

So you’ll probably want to avoid going inside Jeff and David’s office—an office that, incidentally, opens up to the infamously uninviting “faculty lounge” (which sports one ratty sofa and a fake tree) and that is right across from Mr. S’s notoriously mold-infested office. (Have I mentioned that Mr. S has evacuated his office? He now resides down the hall, far from the madding spore, seething in peevitude.)

DUST:

What about dust? Mr. Huff helpfully notes that “inhaling dust is unhealthy….” But he and his gizmo-wielding crew didn’t find much dust, except in the case of some “Fabric chairs.”

I think he means to say that when you bang on the cushion of that ratty sofa in the faculty lounge, a dust cloud forms and a great fetid stink envelops the building, choking all life.

In the “discussion” part of the report, Huff declares that, in general, the air conditioning supply ducts were “dirty.” He refers to the “growth of Cladosporium on the supply vent in the Kaufman office….”

Huff suddenly gets clinical (and grammatical): "Cladosporium is capable of eliciting allergic responses in certain individuals. This mold type can also produce toxins that are potentially harmful to humans.”


RECOMMENDATIONS:

In the “Recommendations” portion of the report, Huff opines that the “ductwork of all 15 A/C systems should be thoroughly cleaned.” Plus stuff should be vacuumed once a month. Not once a decade, Glenn. Once a month.

Appended to the report are lab reports for each of the samples. One air sample was typical. It showed a

~ 38% concentration of dander, i.e., “animal epidermal cell remnants” [rat dandruff],
~ 12% concentration of “organic detritus,” i.e., “partially decomposed materials of organic origin” [rat turds]
~ (less than) 1% “fungal spores,” “insect body parts,” “spider webs,” and so on.

Yum.

Also appended to the report are “photographic documentation.” These photos look like Nineteenth Century daguerreotypes of pipes and walls. Huff or somebody even squiggled over some of them, further obscuring their nature.

What does it all mean? Hell if I know. But we certainly are looking forward to “phase 2”!