My emotions are much too raw for me to say much about Bugsy right now. I’ll say this. My love for him was big, very big. I recall telling friends that I had in some sense fallen in love with the little guy. It was, I said, an absurdly big love that somehow overtook me.
…It was something about his vulnerability. There he was, living for weeks, evidently, in the wilds of the Santa Ana Mountains—just a kitten. How did he get there? How did he survive? It breaks my heart to think that we delayed as long as we did to capture him, to bring him to safety.
He was such a delicate seeming little man: small, perfectly white, perfectly proportioned, sleek and silky and dignified. Utterly beautiful.
But he was tough too. He often displayed great strength and cleverness. He was as independent as any guy I’ve ever known. He did his own thing in his own way, always. When we played, we played his way, forever developing unique Bugsian games.
He displayed his love in many ways, sleeping in our arms, regularly checking on each of us, maintaining vigilance re those pesky red foxes that hung out by the bedroom window. They were an obsession of his. Those foxes. Damn.
These last two weeks remind me that the Bauer family, for all its noise and craziness, is a tight, loving crew. We support each other; we come together in a crisis. We are together now.
And we love so completely. It is a hazardous thing to love so hard, so pure.
That is how we loved little Bugsy.
Bugsy Bauer (2012-2013)
R.I.P.
He died peacefully, yesterday, just before 6:00 p.m., with his family around him.
14 comments:
What happened? Thought everything was back to normal last Sunday?
You guys are good people. He was lucky to have your lvoe.
When we took him home from the vet for the last time, he seemed to go into hibernation almost immediately. That became the pattern. Probably anemia (from feline leukemia). By Tuesday it was clear that he was dying, and I advocated having him put down, not waiting for a "natural" death. We hired one of those mobile vets. I think it's very good we did not wait any longer than we did. He had been living in the closet, a favorite security spot. But he came out into the open at about 3:00 for some reason. My sister moved him onto my folks bed, near the window. And that's where he was, somewhat alert. But sick, very sick.
Sounds like she was a very god cat. Now she's with good.
So sorry - I understand that kind of love for a pet - my huskies .
Mel
Yes, he was lucky to have you guys. That kind of love does hurt but it's worth it.
I'm so sorry to hear this ..... I know what it's like .....you discover feelings you didn't even realize you had ..... and though the sadness subsides, it never really goes away ..... it just turns into a bittersweet memory that is both painful and soothing .......my best to all of you ......
Your words are pure emotion. Thanks.
Dogs rule
Roy, Bugsy had so much love, so much richness in his life. He lived a fabulous life, to the maximum, when you came upon him.
"... what we have enjoyed, we can never lose ... all that we love deeply becomes a part of us." (Helen Keller)
He will always be a part of your family who loved him and a part of the Dissent readers who grew to adore him. I can still see Sunny Girls beautiful glittering green eyes and I will always recall Bugsy's
dignified gaze.
PS. Changing gears...There's always a A$%hole online. Guaranteed bad karma for 8:27pm.
I'll never forget the little guy, either. Hope that's of some comfort to you. I agree with Rebel Girl: even though loving "hard and pure" can be exquisitely painful, to me it absolutely makes life worth living.
MAH
Sorry for your loss Roy.
Beth
I have been a long time IVC student (let's not go there), and I took one of your classes during my first year here. Since then, I've been following your blog and I remember when Bugsy first came into your lives. He was a great distraction from all the (let's face it, more times than not) embarrassing behind the scenes of our school. I found myself looking for him through every post. How his small size was first intimidated by you, but eventually grew to love you just the same. Will miss seeing him and hearing of his stories and I know by habits, I'll still be looking for that perfectly white ball of fur to show up.
All my best to your parents, your family, and everyone else who was lucky enough to know that little guy. Cats have the ability to change lives and we will always be better because of them.
6:59, thanks much. I certainly agree that our lives are better because of little Bugsy.
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