ATTENTION DISSENTOPHOBES: Vexing, isn’t it?
Do you find yourself in the awkward position of really hating this blog but habitually visiting the damned thing anyway?
You really hate Roy, right? And you’re none too keen on that lefty Rebel Girl.
And that trollop Red Emma? —Merde!
Gosh, these Dissenters are a pesky crew. Still, day after day, you find yourself charmed by their prose, elevated by their humor, enchanted by their graphics, and generally captivated by their unremitting fabulousness!
Good Lord! You’re a fan!
Well, you can overcome this embarrassing perversitudinal dissonance. All you’ve got to do is…
START A COUNTER (i.e., an anti-Dissent) BLOG!
First, go to Blogger or a similar site. Follow the directions. Really, starting a blog is a piece of cake! And it’s free!
In truth, the hard part is attracting a readership and then maintaining it.
TIPS:
1. Be good at something.
OK, we realize that this is a problem for most Dissentophobes. But, really, you’ve got to excel somehow. And excelling at abject assholery won’t cut it.
2. Offer something of value.
You know: provide information, entertainment, spiritual enrichment, etc. Just blathering your thoughts won’t do. Unless you’re Nabokov.
Corollary: be sober.
3. Do not deceive or otherwise betray your readers.
Hey, if you lead your readers astray even once, you’re probably toast. Cry wolf only when there are wolves. Yell “liar!” only if you’ve got the Polaroids.
4. Post often—or never.
If it’s gonna take you a whole week to work up a post, you may as well stick it in a bottle and toss it into the ocean.
5. Be open, not furtive; reveal who you are and what you’re about.
If you insist on obscuring your identify, you may as well adopt the pseudonym “Coward of South County.”
6. Be litigation-proof.
I.e., either (a) conspicuously own nothing or (b) have a history of successful lawsuits and countersuits.
7. Have a thick skin; be not a worrywart.
Do you receive even slight criticism as though it were a stake through your heart? Are you endlessly in fear of having your program cancelled because you think Tom Fuentes gave you the stink eye?
Dude, forget about blogging. Try sycophancy.
8. "The flame that burns twice as bright burns half as long” (Stated by that professor dude in Blade Runner who really pissed off Rutger Hauer).
If you’re flaming every day, you'll burn out; plus your holocaust will become boring.
FURTHER TIPS:
Your blog should have a snazzy name. I’ve been brainstorming. Here are some ideas off the top o’ my head:
ACCEPT!
HAPPY JOY SOCCCD
SOUTH COUNTY BASTERDS
Recent reader suggestions:
AGREE THE BLOG
BrownnoseBlog
Complacency
ASSentTheBlog
See also The Anti-Dissent, Toilet Paper, & Old Guard Shenanigans (1999)
34 comments:
It's too much work for them, Chunk. Besides, you've built up a loyal readership over the years.
I figured, "I'll get my Thesaurus out, and look up the antonym to DISSENT."
I guess I was beat.
I can see the header now:
Agree the Blog
“I’m not going anywhere.” —Raghu P. Mathur
is a worrywart in recovery: someone, hit me! BS
One day, I really will die laughing! "Agree", the Blog...
Thank you, BS, what a way to start the day...
ES
And you too, Chunky-lump - that goes with out saying.
in stitches and needs a glass of water - ES
Irony of ironies, although I'm sure you already knew. The Rutger Hauer character in Blade Runner was actually named Roy.
But I believe it was said TO Roy by his creator in explaining his pending demise.
Don't die Roy. That would be bad.
God: HILARIOUS.
Good, BS; but I'm for "ComplacencyTheBlog." Or simply "COMPLACENCY."
But ES, please don't EVER say anything like "Chunky-Lump" again! ;)
MAH
ASSent the Blog
BrownnoseBlog
Lickspittle
I Am the Walrus (Goo-goo-ga-jou)
I like: Agree the Blog.
Go for it, guys!
"ASSentTheBlog" is brilliant!
"Agree" is the right idea, BS; but as a traditionalist about grammar and such, I must insist that we need a NOUN, not a verb, to parallel "Dissent." So:
"Agreementtheblog" would be the title here (and a good one, too).
MAH
MAH, I'm sorry, but I just could not resist - Chunky-Lump was one of the absurd "pet" names I used for them when my kids were babies (I have no idea where it came from, but I stopped before they could understand the actual words). Really, you have no idea how often I've been tempted to use it here, but refrained. After witnessing all the abuse heaped upon Roy over the past days, I felt affectionate and a bit protective (not that he needs it), so it just came out. There you go - more than you ever wanted to know about me! :)
ES
It should be something patriotic, 'cause these folks love their nationalistic fervor.
"A Wrinkled Banner Did Unfurl"--wordy but piquant.
Chunky-Lump?
Dude, I dunno if I'll ever call you Roy again.
How about Chunky-slug?
Oh, I understand perfectly, ES; and it is very good to know. Every time I am away from the blog, I try to think of your "pet-name" and CAN'T! I somehow block it out. Then I come back and am charmed and grossed out all at the same time, every time.
It IS sort of sweet. And you deserve credit for refraining for all this long time!
If you knew half of the ridiculous things I call my cats and dogs, you'd be appalled (but would understand, too).
MAH
8:24, I see where you're trying to go there, but I just don't think it has quite the same "ring" to it, you know? I mean, I don't want to discourage you, or come off as negative or anything, and it's certainly not meant as a *personal* criticism (I'd really hate for you to get that impression. I just think you can do better - take a break, do something else for a while, yoga, whatever you're into that helps you relax - then come back to it and see what happens. I'm sure you'll come up with something great!
ES
MAH, "...charmed and grossed out all at the same time..."
Well that has to be worth SOMETHING! It's not everyday you can say that, is it?!
It was worth it for me, just to *hear* you use the term "grossed out"!
ES
I come back from 15 hours of a bad cold and DSL hell, and what do I find? I don't know what anybody's talking about.
Hey, didn't we cover "confirmation bias" in intro? Some psychologists seem to specialize in the intersection of psychology and logic. Robyn Daws for one. Check him out.
I suppose this story, which I first heard from James Randi, illustrates CB: every time you get on a plane, you get a bad feeling that something bad will happen. But nothing ever happens and so you forget about the bad feeling. The one time something bad actually happens (a bad storm sends you to the ceiling), you immediately remember: I had that strange feeling!
Good Lord! I be psychic!
Yes, you probably covered CB in intro. It's not that BS and I don't know what it is - we do. BUT, there are some people commenting in this blog who could use some help in that department. So BS and I were having our weird brand of fun with it. ADD, ADHD, Asperger's Syndrome, what can I say?
ES
As usual, I've been out-clevered by a Dissent the Blog reader. Once again, I throw in the towel in the face of such competition.
Such a tease - you're mocking us.
Es
Gosh, I didn't expect that. I seem to be like the Boy Who Cried Wolf but Really Thought There Was a Wolf. How does that story end? I forget. No really. I entirely failed to appreciate your facetiousness (or whatever). I'm ill. I tried to teach yesterday and was conscious of a high rate of error--you know, saying "left" when I meant "right," saying "shoe" when I meant "validity." I finally turned to the class and said, "Gosh, this cold has raised my error rate to a disturbing level. If I were you, I wouldn't listen to a thing I'm saying." I stared at 'em. Then I said, "Later, I'll drive home. What if I turn right when I mean to turn left?" At that point, I saw a rat scurry across the light fixture lens four feet above my head. "That's it," I said. "You guys are starting to look like rats." I drove home. My DSL crashed.
I knew you were going to have a cold.
See, I got what ES was doing but was taken up by what it was. Then I thought "I bet we could veer this thread right off course." Silly tiredness set in and, I can't even recall the thought in my head when I was typing that post. Something about the way I insult drivers is a generalization fallacy, and I know it, but I just don't care! Okay, I do, I'm a totally negative driver. Anyways.
So then the tales of my nude yelling. Someday, I suspect this will be normal behavior, yelling out my window at the damned kids.
Well, get better Chunky-lump.
I am in awe of the sheer AMOUNT of hatred and loathing you have managed to bring out of the woodwork, Chunky -lump, wow. And it just keeps coming! And over what?? Like a "gift that keeps on giving", these comments have provided me with days of entertainment. Not all good, but not all bad, either. Most of these people are teachers, professors, and college faculty, right?
ES
You betcha, ES. Most commenters are likely colleagues of mine. I bet you had no idea how illiterate and loutish college faculty can be.
I am surprised by some of this venom. I have yet to say a single negative thing about the former Academic Senate President. On the contrary, I've done nothing but praise her, although, unavoidably, I did report her comments at the last board meeting.
Reading some of these comments and their crazy charges, you'd think the Blog devotes each day to hurling abuse at people, but such is far from the case, as you know. I wonder if they even read it.
I'm still waiting for someone to cite a "lie" or even an "inaccuracy," beyond misspelling someone's name, that I/we have committed.
Years ago (starting in late '96 and for a few years after that), there was a group of faculty who controlled our then-corrupt union. Those people were just as crude and loutish--perhaps more so--than this latest group. I recall Wendy, I, and others being stunned by how vicious these people got.
For a while, somebody put my name on lists for pornographic and sexual products, which were sent to my office at IVC. They sent a letter to the trustees claiming that my degree was fake. (Boy were Frogue and Co. disappointed with the ensuing investigation.) They started a very bad counter-newsletter that called faculty opponents ugly or fat, etc.
Mathur joined the fray. At a board meeting, he actually accused Kate Clark, Bob/Pam Deegan, and I of sending Mathur "threats" via email, letters, etc. We did no such thing. I demanded evidence of such communications. Naturally, Mathur offered nothing. During a deposition a year or so later, my lawyer asked Mathur if he kept any of these alleged emails. Nope. The voicemails? Nope. The letters? Nope. Anything? Nope.
He had obviously just made this stuff up.
Some of the present crew have started referring to my family and to Reb's family. That's really ugly, I think. I've had to delete a couple of comments of that kind.
Alas, in this district, this sort of thing is nothing new.
So, should I not send you a box of porn for Christmas?
was gonna go with the sein und ihre collection BS
The IVC police chief at the time was a good guy. I told him about the "odd mail" phenomenon and he said he would "handle it" somehow. "OK," I said. I'm not sure what happened to all that stuff. Probably in a box in somebody's garage. Do you suppose Owen took it?
That's a shame. I had this noble image of academia, and of people that choose to teach. I'll never look at things quite the same way again. These folks sound as though they were on their way to appear on the Jerry Springer show, got lost and ended up on your blog by mistake!
ES
“Every time I get up in the morning and see a story about this district in The Orange County Register, it’s like seeing your mother on The Jerry Springer Show.” —Marie Hill, student trustee, speaking during the June 15, 1998, SOCCCD board meeting (OC Weekly, 6/26/98)
You've got to love Jerry Springer, just for making comments like that possible!!
ES
Here's a funny one, Roy - perfect timing after some of those comments that were coming in:
" I am a bit suspicious of any theory that says that the highest moral stage is one in which people talk like college professors."
- James Q. Wilson, "The Moral Sense", (1993)
ES
Was that an allusion to Kohlberg? Funny.
Celebrate the virtuous peasant!
John Q. Wilson
thank you - that's much better!
ES
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