I've been scanning and archiving old family photos.Found some pics of a trip I took with Attila and Ildico to the top of Santiago Peak in 1978. Drove my old '66 Bug. That thing could go anywhere.
They sure were great pups.
Here's a shot (click on the photo to enlarge it; look at the center) of my little brother Ray and me. Ray had just bought himself an old motorcycle, and he had just got it to start. Boy was he happy. He road it around for a while. Then he asked me if I wanted to take a spin.
So I did. [Actually, I now think the guy to the left is my other little bro, Ron.]I had ridden the thing for maybe two minutes when I heard Ray screaming. I couldn't tell what he was saying, though, later, I learned that it was, "You're on fire!"
I soon figured that out for myself. Somehow, the thing had caught fire, and it didn't look good. I laid it down.
Almost immediately, it was engulfed in flames. My mother had heard Ray screaming (imagine that) and managed to call the fire department. Apparently, she was convinced that someone was actually on fire.
The fire department showed up after a while. By then, an oak tree had caught fire. But they got it out. There was nothing left of Ray's motorcycle. I was burned, but not badly. I think I've got a scar on my hand from that day. Maybe.
I do believe that this episode set my mom back some. Poor thing.
There were many such episodes, where my brother Ray was concerned.
As I recall, Ray tried to blame me for the incident. That was typical of him.
Over the subsequent years, I often lent my bro money. I knew I'd never see any of it again.
The last time I saw him was the night I picked him up from county jail. It was maybe 2 or 3 in the morning. He had lost some teeth. He didn't look good.
He wanted to go to a Del Taco, so we went there. He loved that crap.
That night, as I recall, he asked me when I was gonna pay him all the money I owed him.
I just smiled.
Ronny, Ildy, Ray, and Attila, 1978.
21 comments:
Roy, you remind me of me... when I was about 8 months ago. My brother is a little off as well. Lent him a lot of money, but I know I will never see it again. It's okay though, he is my brother after all.
Please get a dictionary and look up the term "enabler."
Well, 11:08, things are not always so simple.
No, but letting someone off the hook after being taken advantage of isn't doing him or you any favors, BS.
Hah! I'll call it a gift then.
11:00, no doubt there's wisdom in applying "tough love" and no doubt there is an unfortunate behavior (captured by the psychobabbly "enabling"). But not all cases fit your TV movie scenario. No one in my family expected Ray to get "turned around." He was mentally ill, and our system had no place for him. By the time of the incident I described, he was, in my view, hopeless, and I could think of nothing to do for him that hadn't already been tried. Whenever I left my brother, whom I dearly loved, I knew that I might never see him again, that he might soon die a tragic death. And that's just what happened. Your facile psychobabble is offensive, for it underestimates the kind of problem that some people (and their families) have. I gave my brother money, not in the vain hope that he would get himself together, but simply because I knew I could delay yet another inevitable episode of pain. I also feared that he would become violent, as he had done on many occasions. So I gave him some money, and off he went into the darkness. For some people in some situations, that's all there is. I don't know about BS's situation, but, again, you risk being, not helpful, but facile and offensive by concluding, based on little information, that he is an "enabler." As 11:08 suggested, "things are not always so simple."
Such matters are personal, even to a guy like me who doesn't mind sharing lots of his thoughts. Particularly because I don't want to offend any one, especially my brother who no doubt doesn't want me babbling about his financial matters. In fact, I have a minor regret about what I've written already.
What I will say though, is that my situation feels and sounds oddly similar to Roy's. Right down to the fact that when we say goodbye, it might be for good. "Fortunately" he is under the "wonderful" care of the US Army, where he is currently operating out of Afghanistan.
Anyways, I said what I did to just empathize with Roy. Families are hell, everyone should know that by now.
I forgot to sign my name, in my 11:08 comment. Roy articulated quite beautifully one form of complexity that I had in mind. BS's "gift" answer is wonderful, too. Thanks for going to the trouble to explain what I had in mind, both of you.
Pscho-babble is definitely an enemy of clear and complex thinking, I find--at least often enough. And that "enabler" terminology seems to mean anything remotely resembling a human relationship, for some, I have noticed. For some, if pushed to clarify, it has sometimes seemed to me that the opposite of "enabler" must be "hermit."
The gift argument was meant to be kind of snappy as a result of such a snappy piece of advice. As Roy put it, it was offensive - and naturally Roy handles the situation much more compassionately then I did in other formulations of my post.
I'm learning my ways about said psychobabble and other forms (e.g. medical-babble); particularly I noted it when Roy was kind enough to advise me not to "psychologize" months ago when I lathered it on kinda heavy in one comment, but your comment here serves as a friendly reminder too.
Gosh, thinking is hard.
- knew all along that 11:08 was MAH ; BS!
A good book to read about the scandalous state of therapy in the U.S. is Robyn Dawes' House of Cards. See also Carol Tavris' Psychobabble and Biobunk. Those who specialize in logic/critical thinking or who are simpatico with the "skeptical" movement (Randi, et al.) often find their way to such books.
In actuality, mine was the "4:18" comment *about* 11:08's note. (We all three got that wrong--but I don't think anyone was confused.)
Hah! It's cool that BS recognized the comment as mine. Geez; how many other people do you think are reading the blog this summer?! A few, I'm sure.
Oh, yes; the Dawes book is WONDERFUL--absolutely scathing, smart, and funny if you didn't also want to cry.
Consider that book mine!
It's funny how far the recommendations from Roy have brought me actually. He recommended Descartes' Error when I was in his class awhile back. I bought the book, read it, and it still resonates with me to this day, and is an aid in understanding disorders of the brain in my Intro to Psych class. Not to mention when I was in his class I took note of the Skepdic, and later (after the class) the Stanford philosophy site.
Also his choice in TV shows is phenomenal. I was already a watcher of House in his class, he dropped the name Dexter, and about a month later I made an effort to watch the show. Fell in love. Recently he noted Breaking Bad as good and I made an effort to watch every single show.
Now, being quite the philistine with regards to music I seem to not understand music, or rather my taste in music differs widely. I don't understand how one type of music is better than another, etc. I just turn on the radio and if something catches my interest, I am there. But, rest assured, because Erin (the girl) claims that Roy is some sort of music loving genius, and his playlist on the blogs have inspired her to buy into various artists.
Roy, how the hell did you become so awesome? I bet he drinks dos equis. Actually, he mentioned Pilsner Urquel - a drink I went out and tried and it is one of my favorite beers!
MAH - you turned me in to a freaking vegetarian. 'nuff said.
Crazy! The blogs that keep on giving.
Oops, I forgot to mention, yeah I noticed my 4:18/11:08 mistake. I felt it would be reconciled by everyone.
BSin.
Yeah, Roy; how DID you become so amazing?
Even though he was raised by wolves, as he says, they were talented and wonderful, crazy but brilliant wolves, it seems. The guy is talented in so many disparate ways that it's spooky.
BS, it is so cool that you are vegetarian--I mean that you chose it in light of your own reasoned thinking and values. What an excellent thing! When (if) the boys make funny faces or act like you're some kinda wuss, you can always reply with something tart like, "hey, dude, real men don't torture animals." Not bad, eh? Oh, what do I know--I'm probably completely out of touch with what would resonate with young guys puzzling over such a thing.
It gives me comfort and hope that there are youngsters like you and Erin out there, using your brains, both right sides and left. MOST heartening!
MAH, I'd lay off calling these people "youngsters." It just isn't groovy.
MAH, A for effort. Big ugly guys like me don't get too much antagonizing. But yeah, the manly argument has come up at least twice now. Odd one, that. Nothing a little silent glaring couldn't fix though.
Roy: Groovy ain't groovy, ya dig?
I recommend that you not take my recommendations too seriously. I'd take MAH's recommendations seriously, though. But not too seriously.
Seriously, today, I'm having a good time with the wolf clan. Nobody's been bitten yet. Not much barking. One wolf bought pizza. Costco.
MAH wondered about people reading the blog this summer. Just thought I'd mention that I've been lurking here the whole time. Love it. As usual. And more puppy pictures, please.
ES
Oh, dear; I see your point about "youngsters," Roy. You're right. Hell!--how did I get old? I really object (to getting old, I mean). It was not part of my plan.
So glad that ES is lurking out there. Always good to hear from you!
--MAH
ES lives! And lurks. "To live and lurk": the name of a novel, I think. Or an episode of Dexter.
Meh! All recommendations are considered, but okay, yeah your recommendations have weight, just as MAHs. I'll uh, take your recommendation not to take your recommendations, or... not? Maybe I'll not take that one too seriously.
MAH: I promise, you're the grooviest one here. Never you mind Roy, he thinks of age too much.
ES: Lurk louder!
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