.....That particular boner is the reason that the district is hurrying the hire of about forty new full-time faculty ASAP (that's one way to spend bigtime on "instruction"). Thus, every instructor I know is on one or two hiring committees. It's nuts.
.....This massive hiring initiative is wrong in so many ways, I don’t even wanna get into it.
.....On the committee I’m on, we’re now forced to do our interviews on Saturday and Sunday (this coming weekend). There’s no other time that we can do it, what with all the hiring and interviewing flying around and the HR personnel stretched thin.
.....So, even though our district is swimming in dough (owing to our heretofore bonanzular “basic aid” gravy train), there’s only so much extra faculty pay and benefits our board is willing to spring for (cuz they hate faculty more than they love obeying the law), and that means that the district has got to spend lots less on the non-instructional—you know, toilet paper, paper clips, secretaries, and administrators.
.....And so cost-cutting measures will be descending upon us.
.....There’re lots of rumors, of course, concerning what will get cut. The latest one here at IVC is that they’re gonna remove all walk-up copiers.
.....D’oh!
[UPDATE, 4/2: judging by the comments, it appears that some of our readers interpret this post as reporting that a decision has been made by administration to eliminate the walk-up copiers. Please know that (1) in fact, as near as I can tell, there is no basis for supposing that any such decision has been made or is even being contemplated and (2) in this post, I said only that this was "the latest" rumor (see above), not that the rumor has any basis in fact. Further (3) I deliberately colored the word "rumor" red (see above). Perhaps this failed to achieve what I intended.]
.....Now, if that happens, it’ll devastate the college, cuz we pretty much don’t talk to each other around here except when we’re in line to buy coffee or waiting around to use one of the copy machines. On the west end of campus, the chief walk-up copier is housed in the celebrated Howard Gensler Memorial Copy Cubicle, which, despite its namesake, is the most festive and gemütlich zone in the entire district—aside from our (i.e., Reb and my) office door and opium den.
.....How are we ever gonna emerge from our “plague of despair” without our delightful Gensler-free copy zone and coffee klatsch?
.....So the Reb and I have decided to get "proactive," as they say. (Actually, we never use that word.) We’re making a list of the worst possible cost cutting measures, hoping this will send a signal to administration to seek cost-saving elsewhere, like the upper half of Raghu's salary.
.....Eliminating walk-up copiers is #1. Off the top of my head:
2. Convert restrooms to chemistry labs. (Glenn tore out the orange grove, so that's out, latrinewise.)Readers, send us your suggestions!
3. Stop watering the grass. (Hey, we could pump up some of that toxic water just a couple hundred feet below us!)
4. Fire the custodians. (All that unscraped spit and gum on the concrete would form a hideous crust, like one vast potato chip of death.)
5. No more book store. (Well, OK, that's a good idea.)
6. Charge Owen and Wayne for all that gas they pilfered. (Good.)
7. No punch and cookies at commencement. (We'll seem so unsophisticated!)
8. All that mold in A200? Grow it, collect it, sell it. (People need penicillin, don't they?)
9. Charge instructors rent for using their offices (while requiring them do be in their offices all week long). (You know, like the way we pay for parking now!)
10. No more "Astounding Inventions." (Those little rat bastards have taken a free ride long enough!)
25 comments:
This is the real April Fool's joke, right?
I mean, they can't be considering taking away the copy machines can they?
Come on.
Well, no, it's a "real" rumor. Rumors are often true, often false. But the money's gotta come from somewhere, that's for sure. If it isn't the walk-ups, it'll be something else.
My vote is to half Mathur's salary and take away his Merc.
The copiers will go the way of the flags - disappeared in the night without a word.
Just WHO is thinking of removing the walk-up copiers?
How do they imagine the folks who teach in the evening will get copies made?
You could hire consultants to suggest ways to save money (insert big bright smile here).
They could eliminate the switchboard.
Wait. They already did that.
On the revenue side of the ledger, you could install beer vending machines. You'll have electrical service available where the copy machines used to be at.
Well at least you won't be complaining about the walk-ups running out of paper anymore :).
They built a big performing arts center that didn't have a single classroom and now they're going to remove the walk-up copiers to save money?
Why don't they cut Raghu's security stipend? His car allowance? Cease buying tubs of chilled bottled water for meetings? Make every meeting a BYOB?
I say all the trustees and admin types have to stay home and forfeit their junkets to Orlando, etc. A moritorium on district-financed travel beyond the OC.
Don't take away the copiers.
When - if ever - was Silent Glenn going to let us in on this terrific idea?
Didn't you get Glenn's memo on this one?
That blank piece of paper in your mail folder?
That's the one.
He was being sort of edgy, sort of existential, sort of symbolic.
These guys want to cut the copiers because THEY never use them - or they don't think they do. All that kind of work is done FOR them by others.
They have no idea what it takes to make this place work on a daily basis - in the offices, in the meetings, in the classrooms.
I'll happily trade the Homecoming King and Queen for a copy machine.
I'll sacrifice the new as yet unbuilt clock tower to preserve the copy machines.
I dare say the copy machines will serve the students better than the clocktower will.
I think a shutdown of the walk-up copiers might be what is often called "the last straw."
Take my podium or my lectern, but spare the copiers.
Why dosn't Glenn tell us anything - I mean US, the faculty at large?
The fact that these rumors flourish is evidence of poor leadership and lack of communication.
Re #7: Skipping the punch and cookies at commencement won't cut the budget much, but if the Trustees are still getting pre-commencement spreads like the one they had when I was Senate Prez at Saddleback you could really cut some funds loose (and also save the lives of a few dozen shrimp.)
alannah is right - we could save a bunch by doing away with those commencement spreads!
The politicos sure like their chilled shrimp.
yeah, why is that? The chilled shrimp are always so rubbery.
Howard Gensler Memorial Copy Cubicle, which, despite its namesake, is the most festive and gemütlich zone in the entire district
perfection in a sentence. i think, yes.
The children who win savings bonds are funded from outside donors. No funds are from IVC. I dont think you are very wise to call visiting children (and future ivc students) to our campus as "little rat bastards"
Chunk, you have no class. You know what?
IVC could save lots of money by having Chunk and Rebal finding empployment elsewhere.
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